120 Years
by malagenabolakaful
Summary: "Where you hoping I'd say something else?", he tried to tease her to get the heaviness out of the conversation. "No", she said and looked him straight into the eyes again, her glance so intense he could barely hold it. "I just didn't know you were this broken, Mr. Specter." Darvey. Vampire AU. Set both in the early 20th century and the present. WIP
1. Chapter 1: Suddenly I See You

**_Hey guys. So, in a twist I didn't see coming at all, I started writing fanfiction. The idea of this story came to me when I saw Lamia and Maya talking about a darvey vampire au on twitter and something instantly clicked. It was crazy how fast I had a plot and started writing. The vampires in this fic are pretty much like the one's in TVD since I'm familiar with their behaviours, strengths and limitations, but I added a mentor/student aspect between older/younger vamps which will get a lot of focus during the story. Also, even though Harvey and Donna are the main reason I started this, Jessica quickly became my favourite character to write (I miss her so much) and she'll be the third main character._**

 ** _I'm planning to do 15-20 chapters, but we'll see how the story evolves while I'm writing it.  
A few other clarifications:  
-The chapters will usually consist of 20-40% flashbacks and the rest in the present  
-Jessica is over 300 years old, Harvey is 250+ years old, Donna's age will be clarified during the story  
-Harvey is a little shit in this fic. You've been warned  
-Donna barely appears in this chapter, which wasn't my intention, but which felt right for plot reasons  
_**

 ** _I hope you'll enjoy reading it xx_**

* * *

 **Chapter one - Suddenly I See You**

* * *

 **New York, January 1897**

Harvey groaned. "Remind me why we're here again?"

"You know damn well why we're here, Harvey ", the woman next to him said, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. "You screwed up. Again."

He grinned. "More like I screwed _her_. Again."

"How can you be immortal and still act like such a child?"

"How can you be immortal and still be such a bore sometimes?", he fired back.

"Because you wouldn't last a day without me handling shit and you know it", she said with a small smile. "Can't argue with that", he caved and grabbed two glasses of champagne from the passing waitress. "I'll even drink to that one."

She took the glass from his hands and looked at him for a minute. Sometimes she wondered what would've happened if that boy never came into her life more than 100 years ago, and changed it forever. If she hadn't picked him up from the streets of New York and showed him a different life, a life worth dying for. If he hadn't fought by her side, no matter what, no matter when, no matter how dangerous it could be at times. His loyalty was the character trade that intrigued her most when she met him, it was the reason she decided to turn and not kill him and she hadn't had one day of regret. Harvey's loyalty only got magnified through the vampirism and even though his cockiness could be overwhelmingly insufferable sometimes, she appreciated his company more than he'd ever be able to understand. Being a vampire meant constantly fighting the feeling of loneliness and giving into your own dark impulses, but with him it felt easier. Almost human even.

"Jessicaaa?"

She snapped out of her little trip down memory lane. "What?"

"Are we gonna drink now or what?" She clinked her glass against his and had to laugh when he winked at her in the most inappropriate way.

"To us", he said with a sudden sincerity in his voice and it didn't go unnoticed by her. Their eyes met in a rare moment of unspoken gratitude. "To us. Being partners. Being a team", she agreed. "107 years and counting."

Harvey downed his champagne like the brat he was and grinned when he saw Jessica rolling her eyes at him. "So, how are we going to handle this whole Dakota business?"

"I don't know, I really like it here", she responded, looking around the room while nipping at her champagne. "We should think about moving here instead of staying at hotels all the time. But only if you tell Edward that you'll never sleep with his mother again."

"God, he's so serious all the time. I can't stand him", Harvey sighed.

"He lost his father less than a year ago, and you're already having an open affair with his widowed mother, what do you expect him to do, applaud you?", Jessica shot back. He chuckled. "Fine, I'll do it, but only because you asked so nicely." "Shut up, go over there, and let's get this over with so we can convince him to let us move here."

Harvey nodded at his companion and started walking towards Edward Clark. Looking around, he imagined how it would feel to live in one of these luxurious apartments. It would be great to have a place that felt like home for once, to not live out of a suitcase, to sleep in a bed that was his instead of whatever hotel he was staying in. Hell, he would even enjoy making his own dinner every once in a while. Like he used to when he was human and took care of his family. He's smiling at the thought of it. It's been far too long since he's had a home.

Deep in thought, he was already half across the room when he suddenly saw a woman entering the apartment. She was wearing a dark dress in midnight blue, covered in hundreds of little jewels that shined like shooting stars in the dim light. Her long auburn looks weren't tied up but out for everyone to see, which was why a few women next to her started looking at her in shock, whispering quietly.

From the moment he saw her, he couldn't take his eyes off her. Everything around him seemed to slow down. He was amazed by her natural, effortless beauty, but he was even more amazed by her unwillingness to hide said beauty even if it meant causing a scandal.

He made his way to her without realizing it, drawn to her like she had a magnetic pull on him and when he was only a few steps away, her eyes caught his, causing him to freeze on the spot. His feet, a second ago still willing to run over to meet that woman, just stopped moving the second she looked at him. There was a hint of amusement in her brown eyes, as if she knew he was making a fool of himself right now, but he couldn't help it. His head was still not working properly. He wondered if it ever would again. He felt star struck, intimidated, _shy_. And it scared the shit out of him.

She only needed to take a few small steps until she stood right in front of him. He was still staring at her like she was the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen. The ghost of a smile played around her lips.

"You know, when a gentleman fancies a lady in such an obvious way, he should at least have the manners to approach her before she does." Her voice was warm and soft but he detected a note of badly hidden sarcasm.

"What if I tell you I am not a gentleman?"

"Oh, I know you're not a gentleman, I just didn't think you'd have the courage to say it out loud."

"I'm sorry, do we-"

"Know each other? Not yet", she interrupted him. "But today's your lucky day."

"And why is that?", he asked. "Because it's the day you get to meet Donna." She held out her hand, giving him permission to kiss it and he didn't waste a second, bringing his lips to the soft skin of her hand.

"Donna", he tested how it felt to say the name out loud. It fitted her perfectly.

"Donna", she nodded. He could barely keep her gaze and swallowed, causing her lips to twitch again.

"I'm Harv-"

"Harvey Specter, do you really think I'd be talking to you if I didn't know who you were?", she interrupted him once more.

"My reputation seems to proceed me", he said, trying to compensate how much he was taken aback by her bluntness. "Oh, I think you are well aware of that. You're Harvey Specter, Jessica Pearson's right hand man. Harvey Specter, the mysterious man. Harvey Specter…", she paused, her eyes locking with his, "…the ladies man."

He tilted his head to the side and observed her, she was intriguing him even more than he thought she would. "Well, Donna, if you already know everything about me, why don't we leave this place right now and find something else to do with our time?", he suggested, finally shaking off his trance.

She let out a laugh and the sound of it send shivers down Harvey's spine. "You really are the furthest thing from a gentleman, Mr. Specter."

He grinned at her. "Being a gentleman never gets me what I want."

"And what is that?"

"I thought I made that crystal clear by now."

"You did. But there's one question I still need to ask you."

Harvey closed the distance between them, he couldn't care less if it was appropriate or not. "I'm all yours", he said quietly, his face just inches from hers. She moved her head to the side and shifted even closer to him, her lips now almost touching his ear.

"What makes you think that you even stand a chance?", she whispered before looking at him once more and this time her smile reached her eyes, making them sparkle and now he was sure he had never seen something so beautiful in his entire life.

"Harvey", he suddenly heard Jessica's voice behind him. He turned around, the annoyance clearly written on his face. "Not now, Jessica, I'm in the middle of…", but as he looked over his shoulder, she was already gone. Disappearing as suddenly as she appeared. "…something."

"Need I remind you that we're here because you wanted to apologize to Edward for your indiscretions and _not_ to sleep with every woman in sight? Who was that woman anyway? I've never seen her before."

"Her name is Donna." Harvey couldn't help but smile pronouncing her name. Jessica saw it immediately and sighed. "Please don't tell me you're in love with her."

Harvey let out a dry laugh. "Jessica, do you know who you're talking to? I don't _fall in love_!"

"Well, the way you looked at that Donna tells me otherwise", she teased him further.

"You're delusional", he grumbled, his eyes searching the room for a sign of Donna's red hair.

"Are you gonna marry her?"

"Stop it."

"Wait, are you actually looking for her right now?"

"I hate you so much. I hope you know that."

"I do."

* * *

 **New York, 120 years later**

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Harvey didn't even look up when Louis stormed into his office.

"What do you want, Louis?", he asked, visibly annoyed by the interruption.

"How dare you steal my client?! You think you can just waltz in her and act like you own the place? Well, let me tell you something: You don't. I've been working here for years, I outplay you by far in experience, skill and professionalism and you're nothing more than a cocky, arrogant know-it-all. I won't let you destroy everything me and Daniel build for years two seconds after we hired you. Which I still don't understand, by the way."

Harvey finally raised his head, but he didn't stop typing. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Don't test me, Harvey, or I will- "

"Louis, I've been looking everywhere for you", Jessica said, joining the two men and interrupting what looked like the start of a fight. A fight the lawyer would never be able to win against a vampire.

"Jessica, how nice of you to come in here as well", Harvey said with all the fake enthusiasm he had to offer.

"Shut up, Harvey."

"What do you need, Jessica?" Louis' voice gave away how much he disliked both his new boss and the lawyer she wouldn't come here without.

"I just wanted to see if you're free tonight. As you know, I'm getting to know all my colleagues and you're the only one left. You seem to be very busy."

"In case you haven't noticed, I work a lot."

"I had to reschedule four times already."

"Didn't you hear, Jessica, he works _a lot_ ", Harvey remarked, his fingers still sliding over the keyboard."

" _Shut up_ , Harvey", she repeated, firmer this time. There was a hint of warning in her voice, but she knew that wouldn't keep him from provoking Louis. He was bored, and a bored Harvey tended to do stupid things to amuse himself.

"As a matter of fact, I do work a lot, Mr. Specter. Way more than you do. Which is why I'll be name partner before you even complete your first month at this firm."

"So, you're fine with dinner tonight?", Jessica asked, trying to change the topic again to keep the men from fighting. But this time, Louis hit a nerve. He elicited Harvey's competitive side.

Harvey looked at his co-worker disparagingly. "You really think I wouldn't be able to make name partner before you do?"

"You couldn't."

"I could."

"You can't."

"I will."

"Wanna bet?"

"Sure do."

Jessica sighed. She should've seen it coming. She did see it coming, if she was being honest to herself. "Maybe we should discuss this topic with the managing partner present", she voiced.

"Discuss what exactly?", said managing partner demanded to know while also entering the office.

"Does this room look like the partner's kitchen to all of you?", Harvey complained.

"Jessica obviously wants to make Harvey name partner instead of me.", Louis claimed.

For one second everyone was quiet. And then they started talking at the same time, their mixed-up voices getting louder with each word that was spoken.

"I said no such thing, Daniel. I came in here to invite Louis to-"

"-can't believe they haven't been here for more than two weeks and the requests are already outrageous-"

"I really don't appreciate it when my partner doesn't involve me in their plans, Jessica!"

"You could easily have this conversation in any other goddamn office."

"That attitude is exactly why the mere thought of promoting him instead of me is laughable, I mean-"

"-and if you don't trust me with that, why did you come here instead of opening your own firm?"

"Like I said, the thought never even crossed my mind, I tried-"

"It's like you can never work in peace."

"Why should I trust your word more than Louis' when he's worked here for-"

"I swear to god Harvey, if you don't hold your goddamn tongue I will-"

"Daniel, listen to me, I never-"

"Makes me feel so restless at my own working place. If they would've told me this in law school-"

"I'm going to kill him."

" _Enough!_ ", Jessica yelled, causing everyone to look at her in shock, or, in Harvey's case, further amusement. "Louis, I never suggested promoting Harvey instead of you, especially not without talking to Daniel first. Daniel, I do think communication between us is the key to our leadership and I would never put that in jeopardy just to give Harvey what he hasn't earned yet. And Harvey?"

"Yes, ma'am?"

" _Shut your fucking mouth!_ "

A wide grin appeared on Harvey's face and despite her annoyance, Jessica had to fight a smile.

Her co-partner looked at her for a few seconds, then he said: "I really hope you're being straight with me, Jessica. I took a huge risk hiring you and Harvey while also changing the firm name to Pearson Hardman. Don't make me regret it."

"I won't", she assured him. Hardman nodded. "Then let's all go back to work."

Louis was struggling to stay silent, clearly still mad at Harvey for acting superior without any right to do so and at Jessica for not upbraiding him for it. Nevertheless, he followed Hardman out of the room. Jessica was about to close the glass door when he turned around, giving into the impulse to say one last thing: "This isn't over."

"I'm trembling with fear", Harvey replied dryly. Louis opened his mouth to start another fight but Jessica ended the conversation, saying "Thank you, Louis. I'll see you tonight", and closing the door.

"That was a little harsh, don't you think?", Harvey stated with another devilish smile as he watched a raging Louis walk away.

"You're truly getting on my last goddamn nerve today. Don't push it", Jessica responded. "We're here because it's my turn."

"I know, but couldn't you have thought about something more fun to do?"

"If I remember correctly, we spent the last seven years messing around almost everywhere in the world."

"That was because you heard a rumour about Neil being back and your paranoid ass dragged me half across the globe, not because wanted me to have fun in Spain."

"And now that we know for sure that these rumours were false I want us to spent the 13 years I have left at this firm, living a peaceful, normal…"

"Incredibly boring", Harvey added.

"… life until my turn is over and I probably have to move to Ibiza and wear coconut bikinis for the next 20 years", Jessica continued.

"I was thinking more about Brazil, actually."

The older vampire sighed. "And as much as I dislike your idiotic choices when it's your turn, I always accompany you without whining about it all day long."

"I know."

"We made a deal. My turn, my choices. If you screw it up, I get another turn."

"I know."

"Need I remind you of the Bonnie and Clyde debacle in the 1930's?"

"Please don't", Harvey groaned.

"Or the fiasco some people call the election of 1800?"

"That was _not_ my fault!"

"You tried to sleep with Jefferson's daughter and blamed it on Adams."

"They were rivals, they hated each other anyway."

"And what about when you almost succeeded in keeping cocaine in coca-colas formula in 1903?"

"I was trying to do everyone a favour, it tasted so much better with cocaine. Plus, the bosses wife was hot."

"Bullshit, you tried to distract yourself because Donna wasn't there and you got cold feet when she came back again."

It was strange how quickly the atmosphere of the room changed from bubbly to serious. How fast every bit of colour drained out of Harvey's face at the mere mention of her name. How banter and teasing could turn into ice cold silence.  
Jessica wanted to punch herself. Donna's name had slipped out by accident, as it occasionally did, but Harvey's reaction always made her regret it immediately afterwards.

Acting like nothing happened, Harvey looked down at the screen and continued his work, his fingers were hammering more than they were typing on the keyboard.

"I'm sorry, Harvey", she said quietly.

"Don't mention it", he shot back, still acting like he didn't care while fanatically chewing on his inner cheek.

"I didn't mean to- "

"I said it's fine. Drop it", he affirmed again, even more aggressive than before.

"Harvey", Jessica tried once more, her voice gentle but persistent. "Will you ever start talking about her? Or at least acknowledge that she existed?" He didn't answer. He never did. Jessica sighed and decided to move on from the topic. She had promised to give him time and to never pressure him about it. She would keep honouring that promise, no matter how hard it was sometimes. She'd wait until he was ready to move on. If he'd ever be ready.

"Fine, then let's talk about you starting to assimilate yourself into this firm. It's been two weeks and despite pissing Daniel and Louis off and moping in this beautiful office, you haven't done anything to make some friends. I'd like you to change that."

Harvey exhaled dramatically, stopped pretending to work and observed Jessica, who was slowly pacing through the room in no particular pattern. It drove him crazy. "And what would you like me to change?", he asked, mimicking her tone.  
Jessica's eyes met his, her gaze was severe now, like the one of a mother admonishing her son. "I want you to make some real effort here. I know it can feel tiring to pretend we're able to live a normal life when we're changing locations every 20 years, but I'm beginning to like this turn of mine. And I don't want you to ruin it."

Harvey nodded in defeat. "Sure, what's not to love about this life. I'm a lawyer for the 80ths time, I have a great view over Manhattan, these suits make women go crazy and as a bonus point, I get to work with Louis goddamn Litt, the most annoying lawyer since Alexander Hamilton."

"Hamilton's work changed America. In contrast to yours", Jessica contradicted easily.

"Come on, I know you couldn't stand the guy! He was such a pain in the ass."

"So are you."

"I am, but you love me."

"I really don't."

"You want to have my babies."

"I hate to break it to you, but you're dead", Jessica said dryly and laughed when Harvey pretended to be deeply hurt by her answer.

He smiled at her, and for the first time today there was a genuine seriousness in his voice. "I promise that I won't mess up your turn, Jessica. We spend our next 13 years here, I'll be a good boy and then we leave this country to go somewhere nice."

Jessica nodded, not breaking the eye contact. "That sounds like a plan", she paused to smile at him. "Now go back to work."

"Your wish is my command, _boss_ ", Harvey teased. Jessica decided to be the bigger person and ignore the sarcasm in his voice. She was on her way out of the office when she turned around once more. "Oh, and one last thing: Stop stealing Louis' clients or I'm going to make sure he'll be name partner before you are. He's better at his job than you are, by the way, even though you've had over 200 year of practice"

"I really don't care, I'm gonna beat Louis anyway", Harvey murmured.

"You know I can hear you, right? Vampire hearing and all."

"Okay, okay, I won't play dirty, pinkie swear."

Jessica rolled her eyes and left the office, fully aware that he'll try every trick in the book to play dirty.  
Sometimes she wondered if all this bickering between herself and Harvey made her feel young or incredibly old. She did know that it kept her from telling him the serious details about Neil's return because he kept distracting her, always shifting the conversation into a lighter territory. She didn't want to ruin his good mood, but she also needed him to be careful and keep a low profile if they didn't want to be caught. She sighed.  
Maybe she'll tell him in the evening.

.

The day went by without any further interruptions and Harvey didn't know whether he liked it or not. He wanted to do Jessica a favour and behave himself at least for the rest of the day, but he was bored out of his mind. He simply couldn't understand why she insisted on living a false human life every time it was her turn, why she wanted them to work all day long, why he wasn't allowed to feed on co-workers, why she forbid him to turn people, why he couldn't even compel them to do as he wanted. He did like the illusion of having a normal life the first few times, but it got tiring really fast when he realized that he had to do it every 20 years.

He was aware of the constant threat of Neil coming back and hunting them again, that's why he agreed to take turns in the first place. He just thought it was better to keep moving instead of hiding behind a steady, inconspicuous life. It was called being on the run after all.

Deep in thought, Harvey flinched when he heard a knock on the door and a young woman entered his office. She was gorgeous, long brown hair, dark eyes and a body every model could only wish for. Thankfully she was under 30, which was why he could keep their relationship strictly professional. It was one of his rules: Never date anyone younger than 30. Women in their 20s tended to remind him of someone he spent a lot of time trying to forget.

"Mr. Specter, do you have a minute?", the young woman asked shyly.

"Of course, Rachel. And I told you to call my Harvey", he responded, smiling politely.

"Right. Got it. Harvey. Daniel wanted me to let you know that he's still waiting for you to hire a secretary. He needs his floating temp back by the end of the week. Also, he and Jessica want you to hire an associate since that's one of your jobs as a senior partner. You'll have to work with him and help him fit in the firm." She paused and wrinkled her nose.

"What? Do you disagree?", Harvey wanted to know, trying to hide his amusement. Rachel blushed, hastily trying to defend herself. "No, of course not. I just don't appreciate being treated as a delivery guy when I'm a third-year associate with a lot of work on my plate. But that's not your fault. I think you will be a great boss."

"That's really nice of you. Let's hope you're right."

Rachel smiled. "Jessica thinks you'll do fine. And I trust her judgement."

"Already? She's been here for two weeks."

"I know. It took her ten minutes to convince me."

Harvey nodded knowingly. He met Jessica over 200 years ago but he still remembered how much she'd impressed him when he first saw her. "Yeah, she has that effect on people." "She does. Everyone's talking about you guys since you got the job. Even Louis can't help but admire you two."

"He has a funny way of showing it", Harvey commented ironically.

"Louis is not good with people, but trust me. I know him."

Their eyes met. It took Harvey a moment to understand what she was saying. "Wait, are you his-?"

"-Associate? Yep." There was pride in Rachel's voice. "It wasn't easy in the beginning, he was scared that our relationship might get too personal and I would hurt his feelings." Harvey shook his head in disbelief. Rachel shrugged. "He's not as bad as you think. You'll come around eventually."

"Somehow I doubt that."

"We'll see."

She came closer to his desk and dropped a few files onto it. "I brought these for you as well. Figured you might need them."

"Thanks, Rachel." He smiled at her once more and got back to work. She didn't move, nervously biting her lip. "Is there something else you need?"

"No… I just…", she stammered, making him chuckle.

"Just say it, Miss Zane. I won't bite your head off, I promise."

She visibly relaxed a bit. "I was going to ask you to consider my boyfriend as your next associate. He recently finished law school and is looking for a job. I think you two would be perfect for each other."

He observed her for a second. He only knew Rachel for a short time but he'd already figured out that she wouldn't risk her career for anything, let alone take the risk of mixing her work with her private life if she didn't believe that her boyfriend was good enough. He liked her burning ambition for her job, and if her boyfriend had even a shred of that, Harvey could at least offer him an interview.

"I can't guarantee anything until I've spoken to every applicant, but why don't you make an appointment for him with my secretary and I'll meet him tomorrow."

Her face lit up with excitement. "Really? Thank you so much, Harvey! Mike is going to be so happy. I'm gonna call him right away."  
A grin appeared on her face. "Wait, what secretary are you talking about? The imaginary one?"

He couldn't help but laugh. If this Mike guy also shared her wit, he was as good as hired. "Touché. Now get out."

Rachel indicated a curtsy and then quickly ran out of the office before he could change his mind. Harvey smirked. Maybe he could spend his next 13 years in this firm after all…

.

Harvey was still in a good mood when Jessica came by his office in the evening. He stood in front of the window, listening to his favourite record, a glass of scotch in his hand and appreciating his view over Manhattan. The sun was starting to set at the end of the horizon, a sight he never grew sick of, even after the 257 years he'd already spend on this earth. The vibrant, almost blinding orange of the sky reminded him of _her_ ; of her hair. Her smile. Her eyes. He swallowed, pushing the thought away, trying to think of something else.  
Sunsets also reminded him of the transition from day to night, which meant -at least for him- transitioning from the boring side of life to the exciting one. Human to vampire. Harvey felt his fangs starting to formulate and quickly took a sip of his drink. He had to restrain himself for a few more hours and alcohol usually helped with the craving for blood.

"Hey", Jessica said quietly. Her voice was soft, causing Harvey's lips to twitch suspiciously.

"What can I do for you, Jessica?"

She didn't say anything at first. Instead, she made herself a drink and stepped beside him, looking over this town she loved with all her heart. The only place that ever felt like home. She didn't want to tell him. She feared that he might suggest running away once more if he knew Neil was hunting again. Harvey and her successfully faked their own deaths a few decades ago and she knew they fooled Neil back then. But if he ever found out that they were still alive, back here, in their home town, where it all started, where Harvey met Donna and she…  
Jessica took a deep breath and tried to stop her head from spinning. She didn't want to run anymore. They were safer here, living a low-key live. She just needed to convince Harvey somehow.

"How is your search for the secretary going?", she finally asked. Granted, that was not what she was here to talk about. But it was a start.

"Fantastic", he mocked her. "I think I'll just steal Norma from Louis."

"That's not funny."

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Shut up."

He looked at her from the corner of his eye. She seemed distant. Tense. Like she was hiding something from him.  
"I think I might have found an associate", he tried to lighten up her mood. She raised her brows in surprise. "Really? Already?"

"Yep. I'm interviewing him tomorrow."

"Good."

"I'm totally honouring my promise."

"I'm glad."

"I'm starting to _assimilate_ myself."

She tried to fight a snicker, knowing it would be unwise to avoid the serious topic any longer.

"Harvey, I need to tell you something."

"I know. What is it?"

Jessica sighed. Their eyes locked. "It's about- "

"Am I interrupting something?"

Jessica spun around so quickly that she almost fell over, but Harvey immediately froze on the spot. Jessica felt the blood rushing through her veins and if she didn't know better, she would've thought that her heart stopped working. She tried to swallow, but her mouth was completely dry. She couldn't do anything but try to catch her breath, looking at the person standing in the entrance of the office.  
The silence in the room was deafening. Nobody moved. Nobody said a word.

And then, Harvey slowly began to turn around. The first thing he saw was the curly auburn hair, cut way shorter than it used to be but still as beautiful as ever. The next thing he saw were her eyes, meeting his own. And after that he didn't see anything but these eyes.  
The eyes that used to sparkle every time she laughed; the eyes that paralyzed him when he first met her in 1897 and that kept taking his breath away every single day he got to spend with her; the eyes that were still haunting him in his dreams a century later, causing him to wake up with this aching pain in his chest that just wouldn't go away.

The brown eyes he thought he'd never see again. They belonged to the woman that died over 100 years ago, and yet here she was, standing right in front of him.

" _Donna_ ", he whispered, his voice breaking halfway through it.

* * *

 _If you have any questions about the plot (the turns Harvey and Jessica take while being on the run for example) feel free to ask me. I'm planning to answer all the story related questions during the fic though.  
As a few of you already know, I'm used to writing in German since it's my native language and I'm really unsure and nervous about this whole project, so please just let me know what you think of the story so far. Tell me what you liked, what I could do better, what you felt didn't work at all etc. Feedback is everything!  
Oh and one last thing: I'm not good at writing fluffy, happy things and I already know how this story ends, so buckle up and prepare yourselves for an insufferable amount of angst, pain and drama. And no, I can't stand myself either._


	2. Chapter 2: Where's My Love

**_Geez, this took me ages to finish. This chapter made me realize that I'm horrible at connecting scenes with each other (I knew that already, who am I kidding?) and it totally kept me from uploading sooner. Sorry about that._**

 ** _Btw, thank you for the amazing response I received for the first chapter, it means so much to me and it made me really happy to read your thoughts and theories. It took a lot of my insecurities away!  
Oh and one last thing before I'll let you read in peace: Each chapter is named after a song that fits the general atmosphere of the chapter. Chapter one was Venus by Sleeping At Last. This time the song is Where's My Love by SYML. Check it out while reading the chapter if you want. x_**

* * *

 **Chapter two - Where's My Love**

 _Does she know that we bleed the same?  
Don't wanna cry but I break that way_

* * *

 **New York, February 1897**

 **.**

It's been almost a month since Harvey met that mysterious Donna girl and he still couldn't get her out of his head. It was maddening how prominent she was in his thoughts, she'd even snuck herself into his dreams a few times. But it took mistaking a redhaired woman for Donna and listening to Jessica making fun of him all week long for him to finally act on his impulse. He had to see her again, to get rid of this magical, glorified version of her that he had in his mind.

He made peace with Edward Clarke, promising him to never touch his mother again in exchange for information on Donna. Luckily, Edward knew all his guests, whether they announced themselves or not, and thanks to his contacts in the New Yorker society, Harvey soon had her full name: Donna Paulsen. She was 27 years old, not married and from a wealthy family who was desperate to find a match for her. Apparently, her sharp tongue and unwillingness to subordinate to her potential husband kept most men on a careful yet longing distance. According to Edward, she and her family were expected to be seen at most of the balls in the upcoming season. She'd be married by the end of spring. Harvey needed to see her before that.

The Paulsen clan was also invited to the most talked about ball of the year: The Bradley-Martin Ball.  
The New York society had been gossiping about the event and their hostess Cornelia with such intensity over these past few weeks that both Jessica and Harvey were so sick of it that they decided not to go. Admittedly, they also didn't want to go because Harvey _might've_ slept with Cornelia and broke her heart shortly afterwards. Her husband Bradley _might've_ threatened to punch him after he found out about it as well. Attending the ball would cause nothing but drama and Harvey was well aware of that. Until today, he had no intention of going.

But now that he knew Donna would be there…

"Harvey", Jessica hissed from behind a corner, making Harvey flinch. He had forgotten where he was: In the streets of New York. At night. Hunting.

"I'm here", he whispered and rushed closer to Jessica's voice. She was holding a young, blonde man in her arms and gently sank her teeth into his neck as Harvey was approaching them.

"Honestly? Another boy toy for you? I told you I wanted a brunette tonight", he whined while watching the emotionless, almost carefree expression on her compelled victim's face. Jessica begrudgingly stopped drinking his blood and flashed Harvey an annoyed glance.

"Well, his hair has a brownish tone. And besides, this is not a freaking bazar, Harvey. I found him, I was hungry and I needed to take my mind off the fact that every single jeweller's shop in this goddamn town is entirely bought out because of that stupid ball next week."

"I'm… sorry to hear that", he said, trying to get her in a better mood. "Listen, about that ball, I- "

He was interrupted by the sound of Jessica's fangs gouging into the man's skin again and sighed. Maybe he should have a drink first before Jessica drained the boy of every single drop of blood. He took the blondes wrist and fed on him, quietly enjoying the taste of warm, fresh human blood streaming through his body.

"You were saying?", Jessica breathed when she finally let go of the man and ordered Harvey to do the same thing with a gesture of her hand. She quickly compelled the boy and told him to go home, then she shifted her full attention to the vampire standing next to her.

"Huh?", Harvey asked, still kind of dazed by the rush of consuming blood. "Oh, right. Listen, I thought about going to the ball after all. Let's stick it to them."

"I thought we agreed to stay out of drama _for once_."

"Aren't you bored?"

Jessica tried not to smile. "I am."

Harvey grinned at her, surprised by how little convincing he needed. "Then let's get ourselves some nice costumes, jewels and an invitation."

The older vampire observed him curiously, trying to figure out what he was up to.

"What are you hiding?"

"Nothing."

"You've always been a terrible liar, Specter. Spit it out."

He squirmed under her stern eyes, not willing to let her know the truth.

"I told you, I'm in the mood for trouble. I want to stick it to them."

"You're _always_ in the mood for trouble, and usually you don't need to go to a ball to be messy. What's going on?"

Harvey decided to stay quiet. Jessica sighed at his stubbornness and shrugged.

" _Fine_. You win. We're going to that goddamn ball. I wanted to talk to William anyway."

Harvey wriggled his brows. "And what do you and William have to _talk_ about? You've been _'talking'_ a lot lately. And with _talking_ , I mean- "

"Stop right there. Contrary to your believes, some people actually have normal conversations that don't revolve around or result in sleeping with each other. This city is crawling with vampires and it's getting a little out of hand for my taste."

"I think it's great. We've never lived like this before." Harvey yawned, stretching his arms above his head. "The humans don't believe in scary vampire stories anymore and New York is filled with fresh blood and never ending parties. Which vampire wouldn't want to live here?"

"That's exactly my point. If this city gets overcrowded with our species, it is only a matter of time before humans start believing in vampires again. And I'd rather not be caught in the middle when hell breaks loose."

"Are you thinking about leaving?"

She smiled. "No, I'd never leave this place voluntarily. But since William is the head of our little cult I thought I could persuade him to reduce the numbers of new vampires coming into town. I'm sure he'll understand that their threat to expose us isn't worth having them here. And if talking doesn't work- "

"-you'll persuade him differently", Harvey added with a smirk.

"Exactly." Jessica flattened her dress and glanced at her companion. "But enough talking, I believe it is time for us to go. Be social. Start drama."

"The ball is next week."

"Oh, I know that. But I guess you conveniently forgot all of the tea parties, dinners and soirees we have to attend before the ball."

Harvey snorted. "I'm not going to any of these."

"Yes, you are. If you want to go to the ball that badly, and you obviously do, then we're doing it my way. Either we attend all the events before it aswell or we're not going at all. Your choice."

"You're the worst."

"Do we have an agreement?"

He nodded. "What's our first destination?"

Jessica grinned. "You're gonna love this one."

.

Harvey complained for the entire evening. It started when he realised they were invited by none other than Cornelia Martin herself. As always, Harvey hadn't thought that far ahead. He'd been so fixated on the thought of seeing Donna again that he blissfully ignored all the complications around him until it was too late. And now he was standing in the Bradley-Martins pompous house somewhere outside Manhattan, barely paying attention to the most boring conversation he had ever heard but somehow got involved in, and trying to ignore the death stares he got from both Cornelia and her husband.

"Don't you agree, Mr. Specter?", the man next to him asked.

"Oh. Yeah. Definitely", Harvey replied enthusiastically. He had no idea what was just being said.

"See? That's the spirit! Let those peasants grumble, Cornelia won't let herself be distracted by a few common workers. They get paid for their work, not for whining."

There were a few agreeing mumbles in the small crowd. Harvey had the sudden urge to throw himself out of a window.

"If you would excuse me for a moment." He quickly turned his back on them and searched the crowd for Jessica's black hair. Instead, he saw beautiful red locks belonging to a woman standing right next to the bar. He immediately recognised her.

 _Donna._

It had to be her. How did he not see her before? How long had she been here? Had she seen him already?  
Nearly tripping over his own feet, he made his way through the room, his heart beating with excitement and uncertainty.

"Scotch. Neat", he said to the barkeeper, purposely ignoring the woman next to him.

"Mr. Specter."

He didn't even bother to hide his grin. "I'm sorry, have we met before?"

She chuckled. "I believe we have. And I believe Edward Clarke just told me you were trying to get some information on me?"

Damn Edward.

"Ah, right, Miss Paulsen." Harvey quickly kissed her hand, watching her from the corner of his eyes. She was wearing a dress in a light rose tone tonight, the hair properly braided and pinned-up, less demonstrative but still unable to hide her glow. Or maybe he was the only one who saw it, no matter how she was dressed.

"May I offer you a drink?"

She looked at him, considering her options.

"May you offer me a dance instead?"

"I'm afraid I am a terrible dancer."

Donna smiled lightly. "What a shame."

"You sound disappointed", he teased her.

"Who wouldn't be?", she shot back.

"Don't worry yourself, my lady, we will have plenty of other opportunities to get to know one another. And maybe the next time you ask me to dance with you, I'll say yes."

"Who said I'm worried?"

"I know you are. And I know another thing." He leaned forward, moving his face closer to hers while their bodies remained in the appropriate distance to each other.

"You're into me."

She raised her brows, utterly baffled by his obscenity. "I beg your pardon?"

"Don't try to deny it", he smirked. "You clearly thought about me. About _us_."

"I think you're more talking about yourself now."

"I am indeed."

Donna bit her lip, holding back a laugh. "Why are you so blunt?"

"I could ask you the same thing. But I believe our answers would be one and the same."

"And what would that be?"

"Because we can."

A smile broke out of her lips, honest and beautiful. He tried not to get lost in it.

"Is that why you are here, Mr. Specter? Because you wish to be bold tonight?"

In a sudden move, he put a loose streak of hair behind her ear, his eyes not leaving her mouth.

"Would you join me if I did?", he whispered. His heart was still pounding in a maddening rhythm.

"I would." Her gaze flickered from his mouth to his eyes, staying there and watching him with almost unbearable intensity.

And there it was again. This shyness, this unsureness that made him feel nervous and excited at the same time. And he may not have understood what that meant when he ordered her a drink and they kept talking for the next hours, his eyes never leaving her face, his hands casually playing with his glass. But deep down, he knew. Subconsciously, he'd known from the moment he met her:

She was doing something to him. Changed something inside him. Made him feel something he'd never felt before. And he wasn't sure if he liked it or not. But he couldn't stop, because talking with her, laughing with her, being around her felt too natural, too good to ever let it go. There was a deeper sense of understanding between the two of them, something they could exchange only with their eyes. Something that would pass between them without saying a word.

When Jessica approached him hours later, it felt like someone was intruding their perfect world.

"I need to talk to you", she said, not even bothering to introduce herself to Donna. Harvey closed his eyes and tried to remain calm. He couldn't believe she interrupted them again.

"I'll be there in a minute."

" _Now_ , Harvey", Jessica insisted. He looked at her indignantly, but knew that tone of her voice far too well to disobey.

"I'll leave you two alone for a minute." Donna smiled politely and quickly withdrew from the conversation.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing, Jessica?", he barked at her the second Donna was out of sight.

"Don't you dare talk to me that way! I don't give a shit which random women you tried to woo into your bed this time, we have a severe problem. I need you to focus."

It took him another second to see the worried expression on her face and realize that she wasn't trying to anger him. She needed his help.

"What's wrong?"

"William and I just found a dead vampire near the dining room."

"…Okay?"

"Someone staked him and put him in the corridor for everyone to see."

"So? He probably got into a fight with another vampire."

"We found ten others in the dining room."

Harvey faltered. " _Ten?_ "

Jessica nodded. "They were set around the table as if they were eating. Someone took the trouble of carving their hearts out and putting them on the plates in front of them."

"Do we have any idea who did it?"

"No. But whoever it was, they left a message."

"You mean other than placing their hearts on the table?"

"They wrote something on the wall."

"Let me guess, they smeared it on it with their victims' blood? What did it say?"

"WE KNOW."

"Know… what?"

"I don't know", Jessica admitted. Her wariness scared Harvey more than any threat on their lives ever could. "The humans are going to find the bodies any minute. We didn't have time to clean it up, so we decided to let them discover it themselves. William warned a few of his closest vampires and he allowed me to let you in on it, but we can't tell anyone else."

"But what did they mean with 'We know', Jessica? _Who_ knows _what_?"

"I told you, I have no idea who's behind this."

"Than tell me what you think."

She breathed out. "This is exactly what I feared: The overpopulation and carelessness of us vampires alarmed a group of enemies. I'm not sure if they're human or witches or whatever other species, but they're coming for us. Tonight was only a practice." Her eyes locked with his. "Let's try to get out of here as inconspicuous as possible."

"Give me one minute."

"Harv- "

"Please, Jessica. I won't do anything stupid. You have my word."

She sighed, obviously disagreeing with his idea. "Fine. One minute, and not a second more. I'll meet you in the corridor."

Harvey quickly turned around and searched the room for Donna, easily spotting her auburn hair in front of a window. He called out her name and hurried over to her.

Her smile disappeared when she saw the worry in his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Um, I hardly know you."

"Damn it Donna, now is not the time to be sassy", he growled. "I need you to get out of here immediately."

She opened her mouth, undoubtedly to ask him another question, when all of the sudden they heard a scream. One of the waiters pushed open the giant double wing door and ran into the room.

"Corpses", he managed to say, gasping for air. Some people started whispering, but most of the guests froze and turned their heads to the man speaking. He was already traversing the room and came to an halt in the middle of it.

"There are at least a dozen dead bodies in the dining room. They- Their hearts- I- "

He was cut off by a movement above him and before anyone could move a muscle or say something, the giant chandelier fell from the ceiling and buried half the people in the room under it.  
Harvey managed to grab Donna and push her nearer to the windows, but he could still feel the ground shaking under his feet and one piece of the chandelier hitting his ear. His head was spinning from all the noise and movement; there was screaming and glass shattering and blood, _oh god, all the blood_.

Harvey felt his veins thicken and his fangs growing and he was about to jump straight into the chaos to feed on the injured humans when he heard a whimper right next to him. It was Donna. Some part of the chandelier must've hit her because there was a cut right under her left eye. He kneeled beside her and cupped her face in his hands.

"Hey. Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

She shook her head, her hand wanting to examine her wound, but he was quicker. He gently wiped some of the blood away with his right thumb while he was still trying to fight the animalistic, reckless part of him that now wanted to feed on _her_ and never stop.

Donna's weak smile faded and was replaced with a look of pure horror when she saw his face.

"Harvey, your- your eyes", she stammered.

 _Shit._

He let go of her as if he burned himself.

"Get to safety as soon as you can walk, okay? I need to find Jessica."

He was gone before she could answer. Donna blinked and touched her bleeding cheek. Even though she felt very dizzy and weak, she knew exactly what she had just seen. She couldn't believe that he had been able to distract her so much that she didn't see what was right in front of her this entire time. She couldn't believe she had been that blind.

She couldn't believe Harvey was one of _them_.

.

* * *

 _If she ran away, if she ran away, come back home  
Just come home._

* * *

 **New York, Today**

.

" _Donna_ ", he whispered, his voice breaking halfway through it.

She tried to keep her voice steady. "Harvey."

For a moment, it looked like they would throw themselves into each other's arms, but then Harvey stopped mid movement, apparently still unable to comprehend what he was seeing with his own eyes.

Donna swallowed and decided to lean against the door frame instead, eyeing the two people in front of her with a mixture of panic and suspiciousness. Harvey and Jessica. The two people she had considered her family once upon a time. The two people that dragged her into this mess in the first place, only to betray her shortly afterwards. The two people she had spent decades both loving and hating with equal passion. But also, the only two people that would understand. The only two people she'd trust with the information she had. They were her only option.

"Donna… how…?", Jessica finally whispered.

"What?", she snapped. "How did I make it through? How did I survive Neil's wrath after you abandoned me to save your own skin?"

"He said - he told us - I thought- "

"He said you were dead, Donna", Jessica calmly finished for Harvey. "He told us that he killed you."

Donna crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And you just believed him? Without any proof?"

Jessica remained silent.

"There was a letter", Harvey murmured.

"What letter?"

"The one you wrote me."

"I didn't write shit. Why would I? You left me behind." Donna paused, taking a deep breath. She had known that seeing them again would bring back all the pain she spent an awfully long time pushing away. She'd prepared herself for that. She hadn't prepared herself to hear an entirely different side of the story though.

Could it be true? Did they really think she was dead? Was she supposed to take their word as truthful after everything they've done to her?

Her glance landed on Harvey.

 _Harvey._

He was her real problem. Not Jessica. She could handle Jessica.

But Harvey…

She had put her life, _her heart_ , into his hands once. And he ripped it to shreds. She didn't know if he did it on purpose or not. But when he left, it didn't even matter. Because it hurt all the same. And although she's had over a century to get over it, although she went through all possible stages of anger, grief and rage, seeing him now changed everything.

It was like her chest cracked open, bringing back all the dark, layered feelings she desperately tried to bury somewhere deep inside of her. Donna shook her head. She had learned to deal with it. She had been fine. Hell, she hadn't even cried for at least 15 years.

Sometimes she wondered if she could still feel anything at all, or if her heart just turned to stone after he left.

It didn't.

Or maybe it did and meeting him again was the only thing that could trigger her long forgotten emotions. The same emotions that clouded her judgement before, when she let him in, when she came back to him despite her head telling her not to because she just couldn't shake him off. These feelings were dangerous, they made her vulnerable and Donna hated nothing more than to feel like she couldn't protect herself. She was so used to reading people - especially humans - like open books, and using her ability to manipulate them into getting what she wanted that she had completely forgotten what it felt like to be this exposed.

It felt like all her suppressed emotions came back to wash over her in one giant wave.

Judging from the look on Harvey's face, he felt something similar. Donna wondered if he had been able to move on. She certainly hadn't.

"Maybe he wrote it", she finally said. "To play us against each other. It would be typical Neil."

"No way." Harvey firmly shook his head. "I was thoroughly convinced it was you. Only someone that knew you very well could've written it."

"He did know me."

"Not like that. Not the way I – I mean _we_ did", he disagreed, pointing to himself and Jessica.

Donna heard his slip of the tongue anyway and tried to ignore how her stupid heart started beating in a faster pace. Her eyes locked with Jessica's, whose face was more serious than she's ever seen it and suddenly, it clicked. The letter. Suddenly, it all made sense. There was a moment of unspoken words being exchanged between the two women and Donna nodded ever so slightly.

Jessica gently rested her hand on Harvey's arm. "Does it really matter now, Harvey? The most important thing is: Donna didn't write it. She's here right now."

"What do you mean, it doesn't matter?", Harvey barked, genuinely upset by the lack of emotion coming from both Jessica and Donna. "If it really was him, then I'll kill him. I'll find him and I'll kill him! He probably held her captive all these years, leading me to believe she was dead."

"He didn't. I was free a few hours after he caught me."

Harvey looked at the woman in front of him, utterly puzzled now. "What do you mean, you were free?"

"I think you know what I mean."

"Did he tell you we were dead?"

She furrowed her brows. What on earth was he talking about? "No."

"Does that mean you knew we were alive this entire time?" Harvey's voice got louder with every word. But he wasn't angry. She could see it in his eyes. He was hurt.

Donna scoffed. "'Course I did. I even knew where you two were most of the time."

"And where the hell were you?! Why didn't you give us a sign? Why didn't you let us know you were alive?"

"Are you fucking serious, Harvey?", she replied, raising her voice as well. "Do you know what happened to me? Do you have any idea what I've been through? Do you know what it feels like to wake up, not knowing where you are, chained to a wall in a dungeon under Neil's house? Can you feel what I felt when he told me that you ratted me out?"

"I would _never_ \- ", Harvey began, but she cut him off.

"Let me finish. I didn't believe a word that was coming out of Neil's mouth, of course. I thought he killed you or tricked you or you were in the cellar next to me. I told him you would come for me and together we would defeat him once and for all. And do you know what he did? He laughed. I think it was then when he decided to let me go." She swallowed once more, feeling her throat tightening. "Because he knew killing or torturing me wouldn't cause me half as much pain as letting me live for the rest of eternity knowing the two people I wanted to spend said eternity with left me behind to save themselves." She was near tears now. "He knew it would break me and that made him much happier than killing me ever could. So, tell me, Harvey: What would you have done?"

The silence that followed her words felt irrevocable. It seemed final. Jessica's eyes have been glued to the floor for a while now, unable to look at Donna or Harvey, but still carefully listening to every word that was said. Harvey's gaze was fixed on Donna's face, as if he was searching for something; as if he couldn't believe what she just told him. Donna tried to ignore it, still struggling to keep her feelings bottled up inside of her.

When Harvey spoke again, it was more like an exhalation, but Donna could still detect the desperation in his voice.

"I didn't know. How could I have possibly known?"

"Did you ever bother finding out?"

Her eyes found his at last and it hurt to see his pain through the tears he was trying to hold back.

"I could ask you the same thing."

His words shouldn't have any effect on her. Her heart shouldn't ache at the thought of him thinking she let him down. Because she didn't. It was the other way around.

Donna felt a familiar wave of anxiety and panic threatening to wash over her. She was on the brink of a breakdown. She needed to get out of here. Screw her plan. She had to go home, drink some blood and get herself under control. She could still tell them in the morning.

"I need to go", she hurriedly said, ready to run for the hills if one of the two dared to stop her.

"Wait, Donna. Please." Jessica took a step toward her. She seemed to be genuinely worried. "Why did you come here? Did something happen to you? Do you need… help?"

She couldn't explain why Jessica's words felt like a gut-punch; why they brought the tears back into her eyes; why they caused her to have trouble breathing. Maybe because nobody had bothered to ask her if she was okay for decades.

"I don't need anything from you", she whispered and rushed out of the room before Harvey or Jessica could say another word.

The two remaining lawyers fell silent once more, but this time the silence was heavy, layered with their thoughts. Harvey ran his fingers through his hair, obviously very upset but too stubborn to talk about it. It was unbearable for Jessica; it had never been easy for her to see him suffer.

"Penny for your thoughts?", she finally managed to say. Her voice was soft.

A jerk went through his body and he started pacing the room. "We need to find out what she's planning and if that's threatening us in any way."

A pause.

"I'm sorry, w _hat?_ "

"Did I stutter, Jessica? I want to know why the hell she came back and what revenge plot she has planned against us."

"Are you out of your mind? She's not a threat to us!"

"We can't be sure about that", Harvey shot back, unable to keep his hands from wildly gesticulating.

" _Yes_ , we can, Harvey. You just don't want to see it that way because she hurt you."

Harvey ignored her. Jessica got closer to him and gently touched his arm.

"It's Donna. We know her."

He yanked his arm away from her. "No, apparently we don't. Apparently, we didn't know her at all."

"That is not true and we both know it. And I am sorry that she broke your heart but I need you to- "

Harvey's scoff interrupted her. "She didn't break my heart."

"Cut the bullshit, Harvey. You nearly had a breakdown when she walked into this office a few minutes ago."

"I was surprised."

"No, _I_ was surprised. You weren't approachable for at least a minute."

"And that matters why?"

"Jesus Christ, Harvey, do I need to spell it out for you so it gets into your thick head?! You're acting out right now, flinging accusations at her because you didn't think you'd ever see her again and you can't handle all these emotions that came rushing back the second you saw her. And judging from her practically fleeing this office, she's having similar problems."

"And somehow, you're not having these problems?"

"Well, I was never in love with her."

Harvey opened his mouth but Jessica shut him down immediately with a wave of her hand.

"Don't bother."

He directly looked at her for the first time since Donna had appeared and the despair in his eyes made her feel sorry for him in a way she's rarely felt before.

"How are we supposed to trust anything she says? How- how am I gonna- "

His voice broke and he closed his eyes, slowly breathing in and out.

"I need you to go."

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

"I want you to go. Now."

"Harvey, I won't leave you alone when you're in this state. You know what can happen and I won't let you suffer through it alone."

"Jessica." His throat was so tight he could barely swallow. "Please."

She considered arguing with him for a second, but the look on his face was so devastating and tormented that she couldn't find the energy to do it. Instead, she nodded slowly.

"Okay. But if anything happens, if you can't handle it, you call me, understood?"

He agreed before turning around and facing the window, his shoulders trembling, his hands covering his face.

She wished she could do anything. She wished that she didn't feel so helpless. And as she walked out of his dark office and left him to struggle with his demons she wished that she could pretend it wasn't her fault. She wished that she could stop hating herself for inflicting this kind of pain on him.

.

Harvey nipped on his third coffee and yawned. Although he went to bed way earlier and slept more than usual, he felt absolutely exhausted. Physically. Emotionally.  
He just couldn't imagine going back to work and acting like nothing happened after the bombshell that dropped on his life last night. Donna was alive. She hated him. She probably came back to kill him.

 _She was alive._

Harvey closed his eyes and didn't open them until he heard the noise of the elevator doors opening. He wasn't even surprised to see Jessica waiting for him and moved past her with a sigh, heading towards his office.

"And how long have you been standing in front of the elevators?"

She smiled humourlessly while easily keeping up with his fast pace, waving her phone in front of his face. "I happen to be in active contact with Ray. I knew when you'd show up."

"Remind me to fire him?"

"Nonsense. He was just as worried about you as I am."

"I'm fine", Harvey said, not sure if it was to convince Jessica or himself.

"You don't look fine."

"If I would ever say that to you, you'd slap me across the room."

"Harvey."

"Jessica."

She stopped him with a movement of her hand and forced him to look her in the eyes. "I'm serious. Even you can't ignore what happened last night. When I left, you were close to having a panic attack and I don't want you to fall back into that pattern again. Do you remember what happened the last time?"

"I do."

"And do you remember how long it took me to pull you back from the edge?"

He swallowed. "I don't. I don't remember much of the 50s."

"I know. I was there and I had to witness you spiralling and suffering for almost a decade. And as much as I'd like to believe it'll never happen again just because you say you're fine- "

"You want me to talk about it", Harvey interrupted her. She blinked, irritated by his straightforwardness.

"Yes. I don't care who you're going to talk to, whether it's me or a shrink or your secretary, but you need to deal with it. The fact that Donna is alive won't go away just because you want to get it out of your mind. If you keep these emotions bottled up inside of you, you're going to explode one day."

He hated that she was always right. And how she could always make him do anything she wanted.

"Okay. Agreed. Why don't we talk after- "

"Mr. Specter?" An unfamiliar voice cut in and made Jessica and Harvey turn their heads to a man standing in front of Harvey's office. He had a rather slim figure, short brown hair, blue eyes and was wearing a blatantly cheap suit that didn't fit him at all.

"Who are you?", Harvey snapped.

"Mike Ross, Sir", the nervous young man answered. Jessica's phone vibrated, directing her attention to the device in her hand.

"Don't call me Sir, do I look like your grandfather?"

A chuckle escaped Jessica's lips, but was immediately replaced by a stern look on her face when she read the message she just received.

"I have to go."

"What is it?" She shook her head at his question and gently tapped Harvey's shoulder before turning around and walking away.

"None of your concern."

She was lying. Harvey could feel it.

"Umm.. Mr. Specter?"

The lawyer didn't even bother to hide his annoyance. " _What?_ "

"Don't worry, you look nothing like my grandfather."

For a moment, Harvey just looked at the kid in front of him. But then, he couldn't hold back his laughter any longer. Mike joined him nervously.

"So, you're Rachel's boyfriend?"

"In the flesh."

"You seem like a shitstarter."

Mike grinned. "It's been a gift and a curse."

Harvey couldn't help but be intrigued by him. Not many people could keep up with his wit. Mike obviously didn't know his ass from his elbow, but maybe that was exactly what Harvey needed: Someone to mentor. Someone to distract him from Donna. It was worth a try.

"Why don't we continue this conversation in my office? Right this way."

.

Jessica couldn't sit still for the entire morning. Ever since she got that text, she had been unable to focus on anything.

 _Are you free at lunch time? Need to talk. Don't tell Harvey I contacted you. D._

Funny how three sentences could make her so anxious. She had told Donna to meet her in her office but now she was wondering if she should've chosen a more discreet place. What if Donna crossed paths with Harvey in the hallway? She suspired at the mere thought of it.

Finally sagging into her desk chair, Jessica buried her head in her hands and fought the urge to check what time it was yet again. She would probably arrive any minute. Would she tell Jessica why she came back? Would they talk about what happened to her after Neil let her go? Would they-

A soft knock on the door made Jessica flinch and raise her head nervously. The door opened.

"May I come in?"

"Of course, Donna." She tried to keep her voice steady and stood up from her chair.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee? Scotch?"

Donna shook her head.

"Take a seat." Jessica gestured towards one of her sofas.

"I'm fine, thanks,", Donna replied, stiffly standing in the middle of the room. She felt cold. Like she was a stranger intruding this office. Jessica's unfamiliar behaviour only made it worse. Maybe her instinct was right. Maybe she really was a stranger to Jessica now. An intruder.

She opened her mouth to say something, but the words were stuck in her throat. Jessica didn't say anything either, apparently she was waiting for Donna to explain why she was here. The silence that stretched between them was so uncomfortable and awkward that Donna decided to throw her carefully planned words out of the window and directly ask Jessica about what burdened her the most since last night.

"Are you sure you don't- "

"You wrote the letter, didn't you?" Donna posed it as a question, but Jessica knew her well enough to understand that it was more of a statement. Denying it would be pointless.

"I did."

Donna swallowed. She had known it since last night, but hearing it out of Jessica's mouth hurt a lot more than she was willing to admit.

"Why? Did you really hate me that much?"

Jessica shook her head instantly, trying to reach out for Donna's hand, but the younger vampire drew back cautiously.

"I didn't. _I don't_." Her voice was hoarse, she was struggling to stay the calm, level-headed Jessica everyone knew. "I thought you were gone. I thought Neil got rid of you but we didn't have time to stick around and find out for sure. However, Harvey would have never left you without being certain, so I needed to do something. I couldn't depend on fate or the hope that Neil hadn't tortured our location out of you before he killed you. What if you unwillingly gave him personal information about us and he was already on his way? Losing you was bad enough and Harvey was about to burn the entire city to the ground in order to find you. I had to save us. So, I wrote the letter and said that it came from Neil. It later proved to be one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made."

Jessica let out a deep breath. She hadn't been able to look Donna in the eyes until now, the shame had felt too overwhelming. But it was time to start making amends. It was time to prove to Donna that her apology was genuine.

"I deeply regret what I did to you, Donna. And I know no apology in the world could ever make up for it but please let me start by saying this: If I could go back and change it, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I could've traded my life for yours, I would've done it. After we left you and I didn't know whether you were alive or dead, I felt regret and grief in a way I had never experienced before. The only thing that kept me going was looking after Harvey, and keeping him from shutting his humanity off. Or ending his life. It was selfish of me to never let him know what I did, but once you were gone and I lost every trace of you, I couldn't bring myself to destroy his life any further. I couldn't afford to lose him. He's everything I have."

Donna had never seen Jessica cry. It was upsetting and nerve-wracking to see how the strongest woman she'd ever met could fall apart so easily at the thought of losing Harvey.

"I don't expect you to forgive me. I will never forgive myself for the pain I inflicted on both you and Harvey; for tearing the two of you apart in such a brutal way. I just hope you find it in your heart to believe that I mean it when I say I am sorry."

It felt like someone lifted a weight from Donna's chest. Finally, after all these years, she knew the truth. The truth she had longed for and feared to hear at the same time. Trying to catch her breath and keeping herself from crying, she stepped closer to Jessica and reached for her arm.

"It wasn't your fault. You were only trying to protect yourself and Harvey, like many others would've. You had every reason to believe that I was dead. You didn't capture me. Neil did."

Jessica wiped away the last tears falling from her eyes. "Thank you, Donna."

"I won't tell Harvey. Not until you're ready."

"Why would you do that for me?"

"Because that's not the only secret you're keeping from him and I think it's far more important to focus on the other one you have."

Jessica didn't even bother to ask Donna how the hell she knew about that.

"Neil."

"Neil", Donna agreed, stroking a part of her red hair behind her ear and biting her lip. "He's the reason I decided to come back to you. I think he might know you two are still alive."

The other woman looked at her severely, but without judgement. "Did you tell him?"

"No. I wouldn't do that. No matter how hurt I was, I tried my best to keep him away from you over the decades. When you faked your deaths, I shut off my humanity to convince him of my grief."

Jessica raised her brows. "That must've been hard for you."

"It wasn't." There was no warmth in Donna's smile. "I haven't been attached to my emotions in a long time."

She saw that Jessica was about to say something and forestalled her. "Anyway, what do you think we should do about Neil?"

"I'd suggest the same thing I wanted to tell Harvey before you came into his office yesterday: We stay here, try to keep a low profile and live an unobtrusive life until it's his turn. I still think it's safer to be in one place and not move too much so that we don't draw any attention to us."

"I agree." Donna sighed. "We can't tell Harvey though. He'd just want to run away again. Or he'd try to find Neil himself and face him. He would get us all killed."

Jessica's lips twitched. "I agree."

She filled two glasses with scotch and handed Donna one of them.

"So, it's settled then. As long as Neil doesn't know we're still alive and in New York, we're safe here."

They clinked their glasses against each other. Donna took a sip. Jessica downed hers in two big gulps.

"What are we gonna do about you?", she asked when she put the tumbler back on the table.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you want to work here? I could hire you as a lawyer if you want."

Donna chuckled. "I never studied law, Jessica."

"So what? Harvey and I studied law in the 18th century and somehow, nobody's ever noticed. You'd be a terrific lawyer."

"That's very nice of you, and not at all true. Why don't we think of something… smaller? I really don't want to draw too much attention to myself as a person if I'm gonna work here."

Jessica furrowed her brows, weighing her and Donna's options. She wanted to keep her close in case one of them got any updates on Neil, but they had to be careful not to make Harvey suspicious.

 _Harvey. That's it._

Her face lit up.

"What about working as a secretary?"

Donna looked at her from the corner of her eye, not sure why that proposal would put Jessica in such a good mood.

"Sure… If you have an open spot for me, I'd be fine with that."

Jessica was grinning now. "Excellent. I'll tell Harvey you'll start tomorrow."

Donna's face fell. "No way. I'm not gonna be Harvey's secretary, I'd rather- "

"Save it", Jessica interrupted her. "You two have a lot of catching up to do and working with him is the best way for you two to get used to each other again. Who knows what the next years have in store for us and I need you to trust one another."

"Fine", the redhead caved, still not entirely convinced that things would go as smoothly as Jessica seemed to think. She stood up anyway and waited for her new boss to do the same.

"I think I'll go home now. It's been a rough few days and I haven't fed properly since Monday."

Jessica took a step in Donna's direction and locked eyes with her once more.

"One more thing, Donna: I wish someone could've given me the chance to mentor you both, not just one of you. And I hope you know that if I would've met you before I met Harvey, you would be my student now."

Donna smiled, and for the first time in a long time, her heart felt light. Unburdened. Alive. The way a heart was supposed to feel like.

"I do."

.

* * *

 ** _I'm hoping to get better at balancing out the flashbacks with the present, meaning: angsty flashback = more fluff in the present; fluffy flashback = drama time in the present day, but I won't promise anything because things will only get darker as the story evolves *shrugs*  
Also, if you're having trouble understanding Jessica's motives I can only say that to me, Vampire Jessica would be a lot more reckless and cunning in order to protect herself and Harvey, Vampire Donna is a lot colder and way more manipulative and Vampire Harvey is very bold and impatient. It's a mixture of canon character traits that I think would be magnified through the vampirism and their experiences and grief over the centuries that made them emotionally unreachable most of the time (esp in Donna's case).  
I hope you can still see the real characters shining through, and I promise that they will let their walls down eventually.  
Thanks for reading and tell me what you think. Pretty please. _**


	3. Chapter 3: Shadow Of Your Heart

_**I'm still alive! So sorry for the long wait, but I needed this chapter to be perfect, and even though it isn't, I'm quite happy with it.**_

 _ **The song is Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine.**_

 _ **Enjoy xx**_

 _ **P.**_

* * *

 **Chapter Three - Shadow Of Your Heart**

 _Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too_

 _So I stayed in the darkness with you_

* * *

 **New York, February 10, 1897**

.

"Are you nervous, Harvey?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"You're way too uneasy for someone who's dressed as Henry VIII."

"Yeah, well, I don't remember Elizabeth of York being black either but I guess nobody's perfect."

Jessica grinned. "It was her only flaw. But seriously, what's going on with you? I thought you couldn't wait for this ball."

"Aren't you worried something bad will happen again?"

"I am. But at least this time we're prepared for it."

"The humans aren't."

She raised her brows warily. "Since when do you care about the humans?"

"I don't, I just… Never mind."

Jessica was just about to answer when the carriage stopped. "I think we're here."

"Grand, then let's get this party started", he joked, lacking his usual natural playfulness.

"Last chance to tell me what's wrong with you", she said, watching him from the corner of her eye.

He didn't even bother to look back. "I'm fine."

"Alright then. Let's go."

She gave the door a firm knock and it swung open. She accepted the hand their driver offered her with a polite smile and carefully stepped out of the carriage. Harvey followed her without any rush, the nervous feeling in his gut intensifying.

They quietly joined the small stream of costumed people headed towards the entrance of the Waldorf hotel. Harvey observed the enormous and luxurious building in front of him. It never failed to impress him and he thought of how smart it was of Cornelia to choose this location – the tallest house in New York – instead of her own home. This was supposed to be the grandest ball of all time, after all.

"Do you remember the Vanderbilt ball of '83?", he asked.

"I sure do."

"I think this one will be bigger."

As they walked past the heavy curtains shielding the guests from the outside world and got inside, Jessica got a first glimpse on the decorations and couldn't help but blink a few times to assure herself that what she was seeing was actually real.

"I think you might be right about that."

"Holy shit."

The Bradley Martins had turned the already opulent hotel into a miniature version of Versailles. The entrance hall was _covered_ with golden decorations, carpets and flowers on every horizontal surface. The electric lights provided bright, warm light that made it easy to see every detail of the room. A huge staircase at the end of the hall seemed to be the centre of everyone's attention; plenty of guests that had gone into the dressing rooms on second floor to change into their costumes for the night now made their way down the steps. Intuitively, Harvey started searching for Donna, knowing that the chances to spot her among the 600 guests were slim.

Jessica lightly nudged his shoulder. "Come on, Cornelia is expecting us."

She nodded to their left. If Harvey remembered correctly, that's where the small ballroom was.

"Does she _have_ to receive all of her guests personally?", Harvey groaned, but eventually integrated himself in the line at the bottom of the stairs. Luckily, there were only a few people in front of them.

Jessica answered him with an eye roll and linked arms with him. "You know how she is. Just let her have the attention and it'll be – excuse me, but I believe we were standing here before you were!"

The man who just tried to cut in line turned around and eyed the woman behind him with a condescending smile. He was wearing a brown costume embroidered with gold that was probably supposed to represent 17th century lord clothes and his entire appearance, from his filigree face to his expensive shoes, was dripping with arrogance. Harvey clenched his jaw, trying not to start drama before he was even officially welcomed at this ball.

"I believe you're mistaken, milady", the man sneered.

"And I believe you're full of crap", Harvey shot back. He felt Jessica's elbow thumping him.

"Who do you think you are?"

"I could ask you the same question." Harvey was now dangerously close to the guy, ready to fight him rather than compel him.

"Harvey?"

He would recognize her voice anywhere. Whirling around and searching for her red hair, he quickly found her standing right behind him, on one of the steps of the stairway, dressed in a costly, golden dress that adjusted perfectly to her body. Instead of wearing diamonds or other jewels, her costume was completed by pearls, both as earrings and around her neck. It was only when she moved down the stairs and came closer that he saw the necklace more detailed. He swallowed. It was a B with three pearls hanging from it. He could feel his heart literally skipping a beat.

She was Anne Boleyn.

Jessica, who had apparently made the connection as well, caught a glimpse of Harvey's trance and decided to take over.

"Miss Paulsen, how lovely to see you. May I say that you look stunning tonight."

She kissed Donna's cheek.

"That's a compliment I can only return, Miss Pearson", Donna replied politely. She avoided looking at Harvey just as much as he tried not to look at her. His head was too busy spinning. Anne Boleyn. _How on earth-_

"Donna, would you kindly introduce me to your… acquaintances?" The stranger wasn't smiling any longer. His face was stone cold.

"Forgive me, where are my manners. These are Miss Pearson and Mister Specter, I believe you've heard of them?"

He didn't answer. "Jessica, Harvey, this is James Paulsen. My father."

Harvey's eyes widened. _Her father?_ He couldn't see any similarities between them, neither in their appearance nor in their behaviour. He'd been close to start a fight with him a minute ago.

"It's an honour to meet you, Mr. Paulsen." Jessica, ever the courteous lady, allowed him to kiss her hand and tried to distract him from observing Harvey any further, since Harvey still seemed unable to process any of the events that happened in front of him.

"The honour is all mine", he gave back coldly. "Now, if you would excuse us, I believe it is our turn to greet the Bradley Martins."

He grabbed Donna's arm rather forcefully and Harvey, all of the sudden yanked out of his frozen state, was about to get involved, but Jessica hissed "Don't even think about it", and he begrudgingly decided to listen to her.

"Mr. James Paulsen as Sir Edward Hyde, accompanied by his daughter Miss Donna Paulsen, costumed as Queen Anne Boleyn", a lackey loudly pronounced as Donna and her father walked into the small ballroom to greet the hosts.

The second they were out of hearing range, Jessica turned to her companion, a baffled look in her eyes.

"I can't believe she's dressed as- "

"I know", Harvey interrupted his mentor.

"And you're- "

" _I know_."

"Hang on, when we were at the soiree a few nights ago, you were talking to someone. She captivated you for hours and you were unusually pissed off when I interrupted you. I thought it was just you giving out."

Harvey stayed silent.

"It was her, wasn't it? That's why you're so nervous. You can't get her out of her head. And now she's dressed as one of your wives."

"I'm well aware of the irony, thank you very much."

Jessica's lips curled up into a smile. "Do you know what humans call that?"

"What?"

"Fate."

Harvey shook his head lightly. They were interrupted once more by the lackey, now introducing him and Jessica as King Henry the Eighth and Queen Elizabeth of York. Glad that he was spared an answer, Harvey took her arm and guided her into the room.

"It's barely 11pm and I'm already on the verge of a breakdown", he murmured, but she shushed him and pointed to the beautiful decorations around them. This room had a pink, green and white colour scheme and was filled with tapestries, roses and expensive gilded objects.  
Everything seemed to be golden and sparkling in the light from the chandeliers, which were decorated with pink roses and, much to Harvey's amusement, asparagus vines.

 _Could they be any more exorbitant?_

Bradley and Cornelia Martin, costumed as Louis XV of France and Mary Queen of Scots, stood on a crimson dial and waited for them to come closer.

Harvey fought the impulse to say something about the asparagus, like, would they pluck it from the chandeliers and eat it for dinner later? Did they have extra staff just for hanging it up? Who the fuck had the idea of hanging food on a chandelier?

Jessica seemed to sense his mood, or maybe she just knew him too well, because she threw him one last warning glance and gritted "Behave" through her teeth before she curtsied elegantly in front of her hosts, all while never losing her bright smile. Harvey sighed and followed her lead.

Bradley greeted them surprisingly friendly considering their difficult past. He kissed Jessica's hand and nodded firmly in Harvey's direction. Cornelia's smile was rather thin-lipped and forced, but he couldn't blame her. He would've been annoyed by his childish, hurtful behaviour towards her as well if he were her.

The lackey already introduced the next couple behind them and Harvey quickly led Jessica out of the room, relieved that they didn't have to make polite conversation.

"That was easier than expected."

Jessica smirked at him. "Now the fun really starts. I'm going to try and find William. Save me a dance for later?"

"You know I don't dance."

"And you know that was a rhetorical question."

"Fine. I'll see you later."

They split up just when the corridor led into the grand ball room and Harvey had to admit that despite his mockery, Cornelia did an astonishing job in planning and arranging the place if even he, who normally wouldn't pay any attention to it, had to take a moment and appreciate the gorgeous decorations for the third time of the night. The grand ball room excelled the other rooms he'd seen so far. He didn't even know where to look first. From the almost blindingly bright candelabra hanging from the terra cotta and gold panelled ceiling to the countless orchids, ornaments, garlands, vines, more asparagus and about _sixteen_ large mirrors imbedded in one of the walls that made the room look even bigger, everything reminded him of one huge maze full of people, light and so much excessive opulence that it seemed almost unreal.

"Are you enjoying yourself, Mr. Specter?" He hadn't even seen Donna quietly sneaking over to him and cursed his stupid heart for practically tap dancing every damn time he saw her.

"You can call me King Henry tonight", he grinned.

"I'd rather not."

"Why, because you'd have to act as my wife then, Lady Anne?"

"No, because Henry chopped off Anne's head", she countered lightly.

"I am well aware of that. You can be assured that I won't be chopping of any heads tonight."

"What a relief." Donna's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "We don't want the night to end like the last time we say each other."

Harvey's heart dropped. For a moment, just a tiny moment, he had forgotten about that. About the risk he was taking. He didn't know what exactly she'd seen the other night, but he did remember the horror in her eyes when she looked at him. It was so different from the way she was looking at him now, with curiosity, humour, but also with a hint of superiority. She was trying to lure him out, to reveal more about himself.

He wasn't about to let that happen.

"No, we don't. I can still the wound above your eyebrow. I hope you're not in pain."

She raised her brows mockingly. "Your worry flatters me."

"I'm serious, Donna. Are you okay?" His tone wasn't light any longer. It was earnest, considerate.

She eyed him with a mixture of confusion and doubt. She had decided to keep him on an emotional distance, to not get attached to him and his kind, yet her heart couldn't help but beat in a quicker pace when he looked at her. She wasn't foolish and after finding out the truth about him she knew she couldn't trust him any longer, but for some reason, she still trusted that he meant well. She could feel that his intentions were sincere, and his worry for her was genuine. There was something raw, something real beneath all the flirting and banter and it bothered her how intrigued she was by it. It bothered her how much control she let her heart have over her head.

"I am", she finally answered. "But you won't be if you anger my father again. You made a horrible first impression on him."

He chuckled. "I think I could handle your father."

"I'm sure you think you could."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you've proved your… _extraordinary_ strength to me when you saved me from the chandelier", she provoked him further, watching him pervasively.

"I promise to behave like a perfect gentleman the next time I meet your father if we can agree to stop discussing that awful night."

Donna fought a smile. He was so obvious. He kept changing the topic, wanting to distract her from what she'd seen while apparently widely underestimating or purposefully ignoring her intelligence. Well, if he was asking for a distraction, he would get it.

She abruptly excused herself a few moments later to look for her friends, leaving him more distressed and anxious than he was when they had started the conversation.  
He watched her disappear in the crowd of people and asked himself why he even came tonight. It was pointless and dangerous to spend any time with her, now that she knew whatever she knew. He couldn't shake the feeling that she knew way more than he originally thought, but all her hints and provocations only drew him closer to her. She was a mystery to him, and he'd always been a sucker for mysteries.

"You shouldn't be talking to her, Harvey", Jessica cut into his thoughts like the literal voice of reason. He winced and turned around. She was accompanied by William. They had the same tense look in their eyes.

"What's wrong? Was there another vampire attack", Harvey asked, not sure if he wanted to know the truth not.

"No, but we may have figured out who's behind it", William said.

"James Paulsen."

Harvey's eyes widened. "Donna's father? What on earth does he have to do with this?"

William stepped closer and lowered his voice. "I had an encounter with him about a year ago. I was out hunting at night. He was hunting as well."

" _He's a vampire?_ "

"No, Harvey. He was hunting _us_. It took me all the power I had to overwhelm and compel him."

"But if you compelled him, he's not a threat anymore."

"We think he's immune. Or he has figured out a way to undo the compulsion."

Harvey's thoughts were racing with all the information that was dropped on him. "I always thought vampire hunters were nothing but a myth. A legend vampires spread amongst each other to keep a low profile, to keep their community's small."

Jessica shook her head. "I always feared there would be humans that knew our secret but were too limited to fight against us. And we can't prove our suspicions about James, but Harvey, if my feeling is right- "

"You need to stay away from that family, or you'll expose all of us", William cut in sharply and Harvey raised his brows, aggravated.

"I don't remember agreeing on taking orders from you, William."

"And I don't remember you being in a powerful enough position to negotiate, Harvey. New York is my territory and if you don't agree with my rules or if you are a threat to our species, you have one chance to leave voluntarily before I _make_ you leave myself."

"Are you threatening me?!", Harvey hissed.

William's tone was dangerously calm when he answered. "I am."

Jessica put her hand on William's arm conciliatory. "Gentlemen, please. The last thing we need is infighting! We must stay united and face this threat together. Otherwise, there won't be a community left to defend."

The two men still stared at each other, jaws clenched, eyes narrowed until finally, William was the first one to draw back and nod in agreement.

"You're right, Jessica. We may not be human, but that doesn't mean we can't be civil around each other. Tell your lap dog to stop messing about with the Paulsen clan or you both leave town."

He left them without waiting for an answer, but Harvey was sure he heard his next sentence.

"What a dick."

"Harvey", Jessica said, her tone was much gentler than he expected. "You know he's right. If James Paulsen knows about vampires- "

"-Donna might know as well", he completed the sentence for her. "I know. I had the feeling she knew more than she was telling me." He paused, unsure whether to tell Jessica what happened or not but ultimately deciding that it was the right time to be honest with her.

"When the chandelier fell, I saved Donna, but a splinter cut her face and I- "

Jessica's face hardened. "Please don't tell me you fed on her."

"No! I didn't. But I had to fight the impulse to do it and she saw my face."

She stayed quiet for a moment, not sure if she should scold him or appease him.

"Did you compel her?"

"I didn't."

She breathed out and he prayed that she'd stay calm.

"Why not?"

"I panicked."

"You don't panic, Harvey. You're not a newbie and you usually have yourself under control!"

"Yeah, well, this time I didn't."

"You had the chance to compel her at least twice since then, yet you didn't. You haven't even thought about it. There's something else going on here and I want you to tell me what it is."

"It's her… it's different with her, okay?" He didn't even notice that he had raised his voice. " _She's different_. I don't know how to explain it, but there is something about her, something that keeps pushing me back to her and I don't know how to stop it."

She tried not to feel sorry for him, but it was hard seeing him so upset, so desperate for her to understand. It reminded her of how she felt when she met Gideon.

"Harvey…"

"Listen, I'm going to fix this, okay? I'll find out what she knows, I'll get under her skin, I'll convince her that she just imagined what she saw and if I can't, I'll compel her."

"I don't think that's a promising idea. Why don't you let me handle it?"

"Don't worry, Jessica, I got it." His eyes wandered around the room, fanatically searching for a way to change the subject to something less intimate. He grinned when he spotted Edith Roosevelt standing a few feet away from them.

 _Perfect._

"Ah, look, there's Teddys wife", he exclaimed enthusiastically. Jessica's response was as immediate and irritated as expected.

"Okay, first of all, stop calling him that! He's a leading Police Commissioner, not a pet. And second, Edith is her own person, not just his wife."

"I'm gonna go say hi."

"Don't you dare."

"She loves me."

"I don't think she even remembers- Harvey!", Jessica fizzed, but he was so desperate to walk away from the conversation they just had that he was happy for any distraction whatsoever.

Jessica sighed and followed him. God beware that he would ever be honest to himself about having feelings.

"Edith, how lovely to see you." Harvey greeted the woman in front of him with the same over the top eagerness he'd used before.

Mrs. Roosevelt hesitated to answer, thrown off by the sudden reception as well as the fact that Harvey had called her by her first name.

"I have to apologize for my companion, I guess the champagne has already made him quite tipsy", Jessica said, joining the conversation and trying to modify yet another one of Harvey's misbehaviours. "But it is indeed lovely to see you, Edith. I hope you are well."

The women kissed each other's cheeks and Edith visibly relaxed. "Oh, you two are flattering me more than I deserve", she gave back fondly, allowing Harvey to kiss her hand with a nod.

"How's Teddy?", he asked with a beaming smile on his face and Jessica inhaled sharply to keep herself from cursing at him out loud.

But apparently, his good mood was infections. Edith returned his smile.

"He's outside, with his men. I couldn't even convince him to leave his duty for a night as special as this one. The events from last week had him shaken to the core."

"Ah, bless his soul for protecting us", Harvey proclaimed. He could practically _feel_ Jessica killing him over and over again in her head.

"So tell me Edith, how are your little ones? Did any of them accompany you tonight?"

As Jessica and Edith began a polite conversation about her children, Harvey noticed a shift in the atmosphere of the room. So far, the music had been how it was expected and the dance floor was populated by quite a few, yet not too many couples. There hadn't been an official dance since Harvey had come into the room, so he hadn't paid much attention to it. Now, however, he heard how the musicians picked up a quicker pace, not blatantly, but more than noticeable to his sensitive hearing.

He turned around to see what was going on and witnessed Jessica and a few others – mostly vampires – doing the same. A group of young women pushed through the dancing couples until they stood right in the centre. As the music swelled and more instruments joined in, the people shifted their full attention to the dance floor. Harvey saw Donna among the women that started to dance rather unconventionally to the rhythm of the music. There she was, surrounded by her friends, completely lost in the music; her hairdo had slowly begun to dissolve when she took the other girls by the hand and started spinning around with them.

Harvey heard the other guests whispering shamelessly and building a circle around the dance floor to get a better look on the scandalous event that was happening right under their noses.

"Ah, to be that young and wild again", Edith said with genuine affection in her voice. Harvey was speechless. He couldn't take his eyes off the red-haired woman now spinning around by herself, barefoot, cheeks flushed, sweat pearls on her nose, eyes sparkling and smiling like he'd never seen before, while her friends build a second circle around her, giggling and dancing without a care in the world.  
Jessica didn't even try to hold him back when she saw him push through the circles to get to her. She knew it was pointless after seeing the look on his face. Sometimes she had to admit to herself that she couldn't change fate.

Donna was spinning around in an endless pattern, her eyes fixed on the beautiful ceiling, dress and loose hair whirling around with her; her mind entirely stuck in her own dream. Therefore, her heart almost stopped when someone suddenly grabbed her hand and spun her around once more before making her crash against his chest. Her eyes widened, the world around her still spinning, still one big blurry flash of colours, but the contour of the man in front of her was sharp. It was the only thing her eyes could focus on.

"Dance with me", he said, looking at her with such intensity she could feel his gaze burning her skin.

"I thought you don't dance", she teased, still a little out of breath. She didn't know what reaction she'd expected from him but it definitely wasn't this. Strange how he kept surprising her.

"For you, I will."

Before she could answer, she felt his fingers sliding down her arm, gently lifting it in the air and smirking when he felt the goose bumps that the trail of his fingers left on her bare skin. Harvey's eyes stopped tracing the movement of his fingers and locked with Donna's, but his hand still found hers effortlessly, interlacing their fingers with each other as if they'd done it a thousand times before.

It was the kind of intimacy seeping through a simple physical touch that almost made Donna run away. She could feel her walls crumbling like a sand castle and she simply couldn't believe she put herself in this situation again. Her plan to manipulate him had backfired. And instead of doing something about it, instead of trying to hold onto whatever shred of self-control she had left, she found herself running into the disaster she could see coming from a mile away.

 _Walk away_ , she said to herself. _It's not too late. Say no. And walk away._

But Harvey was one step ahead of her. Again. He minimized the space between them by putting his other hand around her waist and pulling her into him. Now it really was too late to walk away. She had asked him for a dance and he said that maybe one day, she'd get it. She barely noticed that the music changed again and other couples joined them on the dance floor. It was like nothing mattered except him.

"You seem tense", he said quietly. "Don't tell me the mighty Donna Paulsen is nervous."

She managed to raise her brows. "I just don't want you to step on my toes. You told me that you can't dance, remember?"

Harvey easily joined the dance routine that the couples around them had started a few moments ago and grinned like a school boy. "I might have exaggerated a little bit."

"I can see that."

"I hope you'll forgive me, Miss Paulsen."

"Depends on how well you can really dance, Mr. Specter."

He gladly accepted the challenge and increased his effort, whirling them around in an extraordinary rhythm and she had to concentrate on her steps to follow his pace. The movements of his entire body were surprisingly fluent and smooth for someone that allegedly didn't dance very often, she thought. It made her even more attracted to him and that was _really_ unfortunate since she's been trying to not stare at him the entire evening. She still couldn't believe he dressed up as Henry VIII, as her other half basically; it was like no matter how much she attempted to stay away from him, some force kept pulling her back in. It felt like now that she knew even a fraction of who he really was, she couldn't go back to her old life, she couldn't go back and pretend he didn't exist, she couldn't just _stop_.

His eyes hadn't left hers for a second since the dance started, it was like everything around them just fell into place by itself while they kept staring at each other, neither one of them ready to let go. Not when they were separated as the dance routine required a partner switch, not when he lifted her up and she could feel his chest heaving against her stomach, not when the last stroke ended the dance for good and, after one last twirl, his hand slowly left her waist. Everyone but them went back to the usual conversation.

Harvey's mouth was dry. He was trying to resist peering at her lips, but they were way too close to his own and the sudden images that flashed through his head were so graphic and goddamn inappropriate - even by his standards – that he needed a moment to calm himself down. Donna seemed to be lost for words as well.

They got yanked out of their state when the Bradley Martins entered the grand ball room and announced that the supper was about to start. An excited murmur strolled through the crowd as the guests began to head out of the room, looking for the vast buffet they were promised.

Harvey bit his lip and observed Donna's face carefully. Right now, the last thing on his mind was having dinner, his hunger stemmed from something else, something way darker, something that human food couldn't satisfy, no matter how delicious it was. Maybe he should go outside, get some fresh air. Or maybe…  
He looked at her, not sure if he should vocalise his thoughts or not.

"Should we…"

"Skip the dinner?", she interrupted him, her lips curling in a knowing smile.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Read my thoughts."

Her mouth was unexpectedly and dangerously close to his ear. He could hear the blood rushing through her veins and took a deep breath. Her neck was near his mouth, if he'd move his head just slightly to his left he could-

"Maybe I am psychic", she whispered. The urge to feed on her vanished in less than a second and was replaced by a feeling of pure shock. Before he had time to process what she had just said, Donna was already halfway through the room, urging him to follow her. He obeyed without fully knowing why, passing Jessica and ignoring her questioning eyes.

Donna led him through the corridor and the small ball room to the entrance hall and up the stairs. Harvey walked by a giant mirror framed with hundreds of red roses and caught a glimpse of himself. He looked dazed. Like an idiot. Like one of the people he normally made fun of.

She waited for him in one of the bedrooms that had a balcony.

"I could use some fresh air", she said with a half-smile. He saw an inkling of hesitation and shyness in her eyes and as she turned her back on him and stepped outside, he wondered where it came from. _She_ had nothing to worry about. He was the one who didn't have himself under control anymore. As far as he was concerned, she was holding all the cards in her hand. If this evening had been a battle for dominance, she'd won.

"Me too", he affirmed, joining her outside and enjoying the cool breeze grazing his heated face.

They fell into a comfortable silence, only now and then catching secret glances of each other. Her right hand settled on the balustrade and he longed to reach for it with his own, but he didn't. He shouldn't. It didn't make any sense for him to continue this – whatever the hell it was – when he didn't know her true intentions, or who she really was.

He was the one that broke the silence when he couldn't hold it in any longer.

"You know, don't you?"

She took a deep breath. Her eyes were still pointed forward, but he knew it was just an excuse to not having to look at him. He was doing the same thing.

"I do."

"Are you gonna do anything about it?"

"I'm not sure." The uncertain smile appeared on her face again. He was starting to like it. She looked so much younger when she was vulnerable.

"Me neither."

Donna's hand left the railing and started fidgeting with her other one. She felt the need to open up to him, to explain herself and after a few moments of fighting with herself, she gave in. He knew too much already.

"My family, they… _we're_ one of the few humans that know. I was taught about the existence of vampires from a very early age, I grew up learning how to defend myself against them, and, apparently for me as a woman more importantly, how to recognize them. Me and my cousin Amanda used to be the bait to lure unguarded vampires out so the men in my family could neutralise them. That's why I'm still unmarried. We took a break last year, because father was compelled by a vampire and it took us a year to figure out how to undo the compulsion. This spring is supposed to be our huge season. I've been attending more balls and dinner parties and soirees than I can count, for the pure purpose of spying on your kind and expose them. I've watched my family kill more vampires in the last month than in the last two years."

"And Amanda?"

"She found someone", Donna chuckled fondly. "She fell head over heels for this boy when she turned 24, but she wasn't allowed to marry him because our family needed us to be unattached."

Harvey furrowed his brows. Using their own daughters as bait? This whole story had a very ugly ring to it. Like they were begging for something to go horribly wrong.

"What happened?"

"I convinced my uncle to let her go. I told him that I am perfectly capable of doing this on my own. Thankfully, he listened to me. Amanda got married and shortly afterwards pregnant with a little girl. They're living outside Manhattan."

Her smile was a bit shaky now. He could feel her loneliness like it was his own.

"I have always been better at this whole seduction thing, anyway. I know if someone's a vampire or not by just looking at them, I'm always careful, I never made a mistake, until…"

Until him. She didn't need to say it. He knew she didn't have a clue about him until he practically outed himself right in front of her.

Donna swallowed. "I felt so incredibly stupid. No vampire ever succeeded in fooling me, I'm always on step ahead. But you did it." She laughed humourlessly.

"I didn't try to fool you", he replied softly.

"I know. That was the problem. You didn't try to distract me. But you did. And your timing couldn't be worse. My family's obsession increases with every year that passes by and with every vampire they slaughter. The joy in killing your kind has always disgusted me, but I considered it a necessary step to keep the evil out of my life. By now, it seems more like a sport to me. Just look at the way the murders last week were staged. It scares me."

"Do you know who did it?"

She shook her head. "No. I assume it was my uncle, he's the most reckless of them all and he's been aching for an open fight against vampires since I can remember, but he denied having any part of it."

"Do you believe him?", he asked.

"Honestly? I don't know what to believe any more."

"I know what you mean. You scared the shit out of me today."

A laughter escaped her lips. "When?"

"What do you mean, when?! The whole night was the most stressful thing I've had to go through in a long time. All of your hints about me being a vampire, it made me lose my mind."

Donna smirked. "I apologise."

"You don't mean it."

"I don't."

"Hang on, if you're from a family of _vampire hunters_ , does that mean you're basically my arch enemy now?"

She grinned. "I don't know. If were following the rules, then yes. It's my duty to tell my father the truth about you."

"Well, at least I had a good run until now." Harvey shrugged.

"I was never a big fan of rules. And this whole war-like hate between vampires and humans, I don't think it's worth dying for."

"What do you think _is_ worth dying for, then?"

"I'm not sure. Dreams, maybe?"

Harvey scoffed. "I don't have dreams. I have goals."

She shook her head in amusement. "What about love then? Isn't it the thing everyone says it's worth dying for?"

"I don't believe in love." The sentence had left his mouth before he could think about it. She moved her head in his direction and caught his eyes. She seemed to be honestly intrigued by him, like she couldn't quite figure him out.

"And why's that?", she asked.

He dropped his eyes and looked down, her gaze suddenly becoming too much for him to handle. It felt too close. Too intimate. "Because humans throw the word around as though it is meaningless. They love everything, from their spouse to things like candy and every time they say they love something, it loses more of its meaning. I've never said it, I've never felt it and I'm still here. Still enjoying myself. I don't understand why a silly word has such importance. Love makes humans vulnerable. It makes them weak. And annoying. And clingy. And reckless."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I do."

She stayed quiet and he dared to look at her again. A small smile crept up on her lips, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"That's sad."

"Where you hoping I'd say something else?", he tried to tease her to get the heaviness out of the conversation.

"No", she said and looked him straight into the eyes again, her glance so intense he could barely hold it.

"I just didn't know you were this broken, Mr. Specter."

He laughed, confused and a bit offended. "I'm not broken. Far from it, actually. Like I said, I enjoy my life to the fullest."

A jerk went through her body, as if she couldn't continue the conversation she had started herself, and before he had any time to react, she was already on her way back inside. She came to a halt and looked over her shoulder when she was almost at the door. His eyes were following her and even from the distance, he could see another sad smile forming on her lips.

"Maybe if you keep telling yourself that, one day I might actually believe it."

She closed the door behind her and left him there, with a feeling of unwelcome vulnerability and nakedness inside of him but also with something else: a pounding, very telling heart.

.

* * *

 _But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,_

 _So darkness I became_

* * *

 **New York, today**

.

The first thing Harvey saw was Donna, sitting in the cubicle in front of his office like she'd done it a hundred times before. Like she belonged there. Harvey swallowed. This must be Jessica's doing because he sure as hell didn't remember hiring her.

"Hey?" It was something between a greeting and a question, to which she responded with a tilt of her head.

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"Working."

"Because…?"

"Jessica hired me."

"Huh."

Donna pressed her lips together. "She didn't tell you, did she?"

He shook his head and she sighed. "I figured."

Harvey still stood a few feet away, awkwardly shifting from one leg to another, unsure what to say and – more importantly – what _not_ to say.

"So, I guess I'm your boss now?"

She barely shot him more than a quick glance, her eyes glued to the screen in front of her. "I guess so. I've already updated your calendar, set your meetings for the next month and put some files on your desk. Oh, and the coffee should still be hot. Black, two sugars and a splash of vanilla if I remember correctly."

Harvey was a bit overwhelmed. He hadn't had any time to prepare himself for this situation and he was struggling to keep up his unbothered facade. Especially because her cold reaction to him seemed genuine.

"Uh… thanks."

Donna nodded tightly. "Your first meeting's in an hour."

"Great."

After another tense second, he turned around and walked into his office. He just couldn't think of anything else to do.  
Like Donna said, there was already a coffee and a small pile of documents waiting on his desk. He took a sip of his cup and immediately shut his eyes. He'd forgotten how _incredible_ her coffee was. Silently humming in appreciation, he sat down and got to work. From time to time, his gaze landed on her back and even though the entire situation was so weird and way too sudden for his liking, it somehow felt right. It felt like she had always been here. Or like she had never left. It was a scary (yet familiar) feeling. He'd felt similar when he first met her in 1897 and realized how easy it could be to fall back into this known pattern of bickering, trust and co-dependency.

 _Could._

But it wasn't the same. He spent the last century believing she was dead, and she gladly let him. He couldn't depend on her and he definitely couldn't trust her, since he still didn't know why she came back.

Even now, while she was just sitting mere steps away from him, she could be plotting against him and Jessica, to avenge the betrayal that, in his eyes, never existed. He needed to let go of the glorified version of her that he had formed in his head after he lost her, the version of her that kept visiting him in his dreams and haunted his thoughts no matter how hard he fought against it.  
Because that wasn't who she was. He didn't know who she really was. Maybe he didn't want to know.

A knock on the door interrupted his dark thoughts and made him shift his attention away from Donna and to Mike, who entered his office with a nervous smile on his face. Harvey needed a second to remember that he hired him after his interview yesterday.

"Good morning."

"Why are you in such a good mood?", Harvey snapped.

"I- literally just said good morning? Isn't that how people your age greet each other?"

Harvey raised his brows.

"Sorry."

"I already regret hiring you."

"Nah, you don't. You were far too impressed with my photographic memory."

"You have a photographic memory?", Donna asked, joining them in the office. "And Harvey isn't _that_ old. I think he has maintained himself well."

"You must be Harvey's new secretary that I just- "

"- walked by without introducing yourself or asking permission before entering this office? Yep, that would be me." She took a step closer and eyed him mockingly. "Let's not do that again, 'kay?"

"'kay", he murmured, mesmerized by her appearance. "Wait a second, how were you able to hear our conversation when you weren't even in the room."

It took her less than a second to find an answer, but Harvey noticed that Mike's quick thinking got the better of her for just a moment. "Intercom was on."

"So, you listen to all of his private conversations?"

"Why wouldn't I, it's not like we have any secrets from each other", Donna replied, her eyes meeting Harvey's with a strange mixture of humour and severity. His first impulse to scoff vanished the moment he got caught up in her eyes and the impulse to do _anything_ other than stare at her vanished with it.

Her face had been imprinted in his memories for so long and it was astonishing how little it changed over time, yet how poignant the slight differences he could spot were. Her soft facial features seemed to have hardened over time but it didn't make her look older, or angrier; it made her charisma more dominant and powerful, like she could pull you in with the smallest movement of her finger; it made people like Mike take a step back and be cautious to show this woman the respect she demanded; it made it even harder to read her true intentions off her face. When he met her 120 years ago, she had been witty, fearless, adventurous and sharp, and while she still had these traits, her experiences had made her calculative, manipulative even, unwilling to let anyone see behind that wall she'd build around herself, to protect herself from the harm that'd been caused her. The harm that he could see in her eyes and in the scar she had on her right cheek, the scar he'd been wanting to touch since he first saw it the night before, because it held the answers to some of the questions he kept asking her with every look they exchanged and which she kept withholding from him for reasons he didn't understand.

"Yeah, keeping secrets from each other has never been part of our relationship", he said at last, his eyes not letting go of hers. The small sparkle of humour in her eyes disappeared.

Mike cleared his throat. "Alright, I think I got it. It's none of my business anyway. But we do have a meeting with a client in a few minutes, Harvey, so we should get going."

"Oh look, you finally said something I can agree on", Harvey responded and stood up from his chair, successfully ending the moment between him and Donna and getting rid of the overbearing tension in the process.

"Do you mean me staying out of your business or meeting our client with that?", Mike teased as they walked down the hall side by side.

"Both."

"Got it."

.

 _Yeah, keeping secrets from each other has never been part of our relationship._

What a dick. What a dishonest, ignorant, hypocritical dick.

Donna's hands were hovering over her keyboard, shaking with suppressed anger aimed at Harvey and herself. Her sentence could've been considered as innocent banter, but the way he delivered his answer made _her_ look like the fool. Like the liar. And she shouldn't be affected by it, she should be able to just shrug it off and not give a shit about him and his allegations. But she couldn't.

Every time he reminded her of what his side of the story looked like, she was overcome with emotions, from guilt and regret to disbelief and anger. She shouldn't have to worry if she could've changed anything when Neil captured her, if she should've gone after them and make things right after she was fucking tortured and left behind like a piece of garbage. But she did.

Ever since she knew about the letter, and Jessica's part in writing it, she knew Harvey's feelings of betrayal were as genuine as hers. It would be the perfect time to sit down and talk things through, to get rid of their issues and start new, to do what Jessica obviously intended for them to do when she arranged their work relationship. Instead, here they were, acting either unbothered and cold or flinging accusations at each other at every given opportunity and she wasn't sure how to stop it. She shouldn't be angry. But she was.

Donna closed her eyes, trembling. Why was she still so angry at him? Why wasn't she able to permanently suppress her emotions anymore although she had mastered that skill decades ago?

 _What was it about him that made everything so much harder?_

"Donna?"

Jessica's voice seemed very far away, but Donna knew she was standing right in front of her. She opened her eyes, avoiding direct contact with the other vampire.

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?" Jessica's tone was easeful, almost soothing.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be." Donna managed to fake a smile, aware that Jessica could see right through it.

"Do I need to kick his ass?"

Donna's lips curled up again, but this time her smile was real. "No, don't worry about us. We're- we're just trying to find our way."

Jessica nodded. "Try to be patient with him. I know it's not easy for you, but don't forget that it has been almost as hard for him. Some wounds need longer time to heal."

"Some wounds never do."

"In my 371 years on this earth I have never experienced that."

"Thank you, Jessica."

"Always."

The two women exchanged another look full of understanding and silent encouragement before Donna squared her shoulders and shook off her weariness.

"What can I do for you?"

"There have been vampire killings in Georgia, Tennessee and Kentucky."

"All of them yesterday?"

"Yesterday and a few hours ago. I can't help but wondering- "

"- if Neil is getting closer."

Jessica hummed. "We were careful not to leave a trail when we came back to New York a few weeks ago but we took that exact same route. And I knew all of the vampires that died, some of them gave us shelter, some were old acquaintances."

"Are we sure it's Neil?"

"He left his signature."

Donna sighed. "I left a trail in Illinois that will lead him all the way to Nevada and he might still think you are actually dead. So maybe he's just trying to find me."

"Is this your way of suggesting we wait to see where he goes next before we jump to conclusions."

"It is."

"I like the way you think."

Donna smiled lightly. "I know. That's why we work well together."

"We always have", Jessica agreed. "But we're still not telling Harvey."

"Right."

The older vampire observed her curiously, noticing the slight doubt in her voice.

"Unless you've changed your mind about that?"

"I haven't."

"I still think it would be a mistake to flee New York like we did last time."

"So do I."

"Good. One more thing."

Donna's lips twitched. It was _always_ one more thing with Jessica. She raised her brows enquiringly.

"I thought you could help me out with one of the associates. She's a good lawyer with an even better work ethic and I think she might have a brilliant future ahead of her. But she has no connections in New York apart from her fiancée and if she wants to succeed as a lawyer, she needs to know the city."

"You want me to show her the city?", Donna said sarcastically, earning an eye roll from Jessica.

"You know what I mean. You're connected here and considering how quick you are I bet you're already on best terms with half of the secretaries in the city."

"Not half. About 70%."

"And that's exactly what she needs to learn. I already spoke with her and she's agreed to help you integrate inside the firm if you help her integrate outside of it."

Donna tilted her head in consideration. It seemed like a decent idea to keep herself busy and not entirely dependent on her relationships with Harvey and Jessica. Plus, if Jessica said that girl was good that meant she was excellent.

"Sounds great. What's her name?"

"Rachel Zane. I asked her to meet you here in ten minutes." Jessica smiled. "Which means she's probably been hiding somewhere behind me for the last ten minutes and is just waiting until I leave."

Donna gave her a disapproving look. "I hope she didn't hear us talk about vampires. I'm not in the killing mood and it would be a waste of the potential you so clearly see in her."

Jessica chuckled. "Then we better hope she doesn't have vampire hearing."

"Geez, you wanna say that a little louder?"

"I could, but where would be the fun in that." The name partner winked at the secretary and made her way back to her office.

As Donna watched her walk away she couldn't help but admire the woman. Jessica carried so many burdens, so many secrets and so much guilt on her shoulders, yet she never lost her strength or her compassion or her grace. It was truly inspirational.

"She's something else, isn't she?", another voice finished her thoughts.

"She certainly is." Donna observed a slim brunette standing in the door frame. Apart from her obvious – and rather distracting – beauty, she saw the kindness and determination in the young woman's eyes and felt an instant likeableness towards. Her mouth slipped into an instinctive curl.

"You must be Rachel."

"And I guess you're Donna." She stepped closer and reached out her hand for Donna to shake it.

"Mike is your fiancée. Lucky him."

Rachel laughed. It was an honest, warm laugh and Donna was slightly taken aback by how much Rachel took to her. Her company seemed to be rather enjoyable.

"Yeah, I guess so. He's not that bad. He just needs to learn when to shut his mouth."

"They never learn that, trust me."

"How do you know?"

"I'm older than I look."

"As in age or experience?"

"Both I guess."

"Harvey must be difficult to handle sometimes."

Donna's warm smile grew colder. "I wouldn't know. I only started working for him today."

Rachel seemed to sense Donna's caginess and retreated. "Mike said you knew each other before?"

"We did."

"Sorry." Rachel shook her head. "I think Mike's rubbing off on me. It's none of my business. I get nosy sometimes."

"Well, then I think we'll be a perfect fit. Because I know everything about everyone."

"Are you a spy?", the younger woman joked, entirely oblivious of how accurate that term was for the way human Donna used to operate back in the day.

"I used to be."

Rachel halted. "Seriously?"

"No. Or maybe yes. Who knows."

"You're kidding, right?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, hun."

"Okay, now I really wanna know."

Donna smirked, but stayed silent.

"Never mind, I'll find it out on my own. Where's the fun in you just telling me when I can try to dig myself into your past and find out all the shady shit you did." She could see the determination in Rachel's eyes and felt the fondness for her grow even more.

"I have the feeling we're gonna be good friends."

Rachel grinned. "The feeling is mutual."

"Wanna join me and grab a cup of coffee from the kitchen? I think we deserve a break."

"We deserve a raise."

Donna laughed. "We sure do."

.

When Harvey came back from his lunch, a cup of coffee still in his hand, Mike was already waiting for him in his office.

"How did you get in here?"

Mike smirked. "Donna isn't in her cubicle, so I took my chance."

"Where the hell is she?"

"How would I know? She's your… _secretary_."

"Why are you saying secretary like it's the dirtiest word you've ever heard?"

"You know why." Mike waggled his brows.

"No, I really don't", Harvey replied, his annoyance increasing with every word Mike said.

"Are you really gonna make me ask?"

"Ask what, Mike? I have no idea what you're talking about." Harvey brought the cup to his mouth.

Mike rolled his eyes. "So, how long have you two been married?"

Harvey choked on his coffee. "I'm sorry, what?", he managed to get out between coughs.

"You and Donna? You married when you were young, didn't you? My guess is like… 12 years ago maybe?"

Harvey was speechless for a moment, taken entirely off guard by Mikes innocent assumption.

"We're… not… married", he stammered.

Now it was Mike's turn to be surprised.

"Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just confused. I'm usually not wrong about this."

"Well, this time you are."

"If you say so", Mike said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"So, when were you gonna tell me that you're fucking married?"

As always, Louis stormed into his office without announcing himself.

Harvey inhaled sharply and shot Mike a furious glance.

"Seriously?! You already spread this nonsense around the firm?"

Mike took a step back. "No, it wasn't intentional! I saw how you two behaved around each other this morning and assumed she was your wife, so I asked Louis since when you're married."

"Out of all people, you had to ask _him_?"

"I can't believe you didn't tell me. Where is she?"

"Louis, for once in your life I need you to listen to me! I'm not- "

"Wait, you two got married and didn't tell me?" Jessica, who had followed Louis into the office, gasped with fake indignation to further Harvey's desperation as he attempted to stop this rumour before it was too late. "I'm deeply disappointed that you hid this from me. I thought we were closer than that."

"Can you stop?", Harvey begged.

She dramatically put one hand over her heart. "I thought we were family."

"Mike, you're fired."

Jessica couldn't stop herself from grinning.

"What's going on here?"

Harvey answered Donna's question with a sigh.

"Is that her? How on earth did you manage to find someone that far out of your league?" Louis was practically yelling now.

" _Excuse me_?!"

Jessica chuckled, Mike looked like he wanted to die and Donna uncomfortably took a step back when Louis was all of the sudden standing way too close to her.

"I'm Louis. Louis Litt. And I just wanna say that you could do SO much better."

"Uh- pleasure to meet you, I guess…"

"It's really the furthest thing from it", Harvey assured her.

"I mean, he's not even wearing his ring, what kind of husband would do that?", Louis rambled on, apparently entirely oblivious of what was really going on. He looked at her hand and faltered.

"But you aren't either… Huh. Are you one of those couples that got matching tattoos instead? I know it's usually on the ring fingers and I can't see it anywhere but maybe- "

Louis took a quick breath and Harvey used the pause to forestall him.

"We're not married."

Donna scoffed. "Why would he even think that?"

"Well- "

"Shut up, Mike", Harvey barked.

"You're… not?", Louis asked, the utter confusion written on his face was almost comical. "Then who the hell are you?"

"I'm sorry, are you talking to me? Because I sure as hell hope you're not", Donna shot back.

"Will everyone stop talking for a goddamn minute so I can put this to rest? Louis, this is my new secretary, Donna Paulsen. She… she's an old friend."

"More like ancient", Jessica murmured, which resulted in a curious look from Mike and a shocked one from Harvey. "I'm sorry, continue. You're doing great."

"Donna, this is Louis Litt. Senior partner at this firm and easily the most annoying person you'll ever meet."

"There's no need for you to introduce yourself, Harvey. I already know you", Donna said dryly. A laugh escaped Mike's lips, which he tried to cover with a cough when he saw the look on Harvey's face.

"I goddamn missed you, Donna Paulsen", Jessica said wholeheartedly.

"Thanks, I missed you too, Jessica goddamn Pearson."

"So, you two know each other as well?" Louis voice was droopy.

"Of course we do. And now I suggest we all go back to work before Harvey starts killing people."

Everyone murmured in agreement and the small group quickly dissolved. Louis followed Jessica out of the room like a dog on a leash, bombarding her with questions she wouldn't answer. Donna gave Harvey another one of her new, strange and infuriating glances before she turned her back on him and went back to her cubicle. Mike cleared his throat awkwardly. He seemed to do that a lot when he felt uncomfortable.

"That was an honest mistake, Harvey."

Harvey ignored him.

"I'm sorry, okay. I should've- "

" -minded your own business? Yeah, you should've."

Harvey sat down behind his desk and tried not to look in her direction. It had been easier this morning. Before everyone unintentionally but very effectively started reminding him that this was _not_ normal, that this entire situation was completely fucked up and made him anxious as hell. Her strange behaviour played straight into it and kept his desire to hurt her like she hurt him dangerously prominent in his mind.

"Look, I didn't know what to do, okay? This weird tension between you two keeps taking up the entire space as soon as you're in a room together. It's distracting."

"Which part of 'mind your own goddamn business' is so hard to understand, Mike?!"

The young man sighed. "I know this is only my first day and I should kiss your ass because you're my boss. But you're not giving me a lot to work with here, Harvey. How can I work for you, basically as your right hand, when you don't trust me? It's like every time she walks into the room or I mention her name you just… you shut down. I have no idea what's really going on here and maybe I have no right to know, but how can you expect me to quit asking you personal stuff when it keeps happening right under my nose?"

Harvey wasn't sure if it was that obvious or if Mike was just that good, but his words had a defeating effect. He was so tired of this shit. Ever since Donna came back, everything had been so hard, so draining, so full of feelings he didn't want. And that wasn't Mike's fault. His nagging questions just kept reminding him of it.

"Did you prepare the files for the Goldman deal?"

Mike was quiet for a moment, debating on whether or not letting the problem slide. He didn't know Harvey well, but from what he'd seen so far, this man consisted to 90% of supressed emotions and at least 80 of them seemed to be because of the woman sitting a few feet away. The only person he seemed to confide in was Jessica, but apparently mostly because she was forcing it out of him. How on earth was he able to live like that and not go crazy? Had he always been like this?

"Do you have trouble hearing?"

Mike snapped out of his thought with a quick shake of his head. "No, sorry. I got half of it done."

"Then you should go finish it before you go home. I need them by tomorrow morning." The aggressiveness in Harvey's voice was fully gone now. Mike nodded and was about to leave, yet he couldn't help but say one last thing, fully aware that Rachel would scold him for it later.

"One of these days, you gotta start letting people know what you really think."

He was gone before Harvey could answer.

.

It took him longer than usual to finish his work, his head was spinning in an endless cycle of thoughts, confusion, anger and so much more that he couldn't place.  
More than once, he thought about just going over to her and flat out confront her with all the accusations he wanted to throw in her face, not even sure how he expected her to react or if he wanted to see her reaction at all.

It was already dark outside when Donna moved for the first time in ages. She stretched lightly and shut down her computer and he quickly dropped his eyes to the document in his hands when she turned her head in his direction. He was sitting in almost complete darknes in his chair, the only light being provided by a small lamp on the table next to him. When she entered the office, he didn't even look up.

"Do you wanna sit down?" He gestured to the sofa on his left.

She denied.

"Do you want a drink?"

She grew more irritated by the second. Did he really think she would just sit down next to him, have a drink with him and then go home like nothing happened? Like today was something she could live with? Like it wasn't eating her up inside?

"Do you wanna talk about what happened today?", she tried. It wasn't necessarily specific, but it was a start. A chance for them.

"Do I _look_ like I wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know. It's hard to figure out what you want these days."

"Oh, so you aren't able to read me like an open book anymore?", he jeered.

"I never asserted that I knew every single thought you ever had."

He scoffed and dropped his files on the table. The look he gave her was hard. Unapologetic. "Yes, you did."

"What are you talking about?"

His laugh was derisive, like it was meant to hurt. And it did. It cut deep. "Stop bullshitting me, Donna. You successfully manipulated me into believing you were nothing but a precious innocent little snowflake when we met when in reality, you and your family tried to hunt and kill every last one of us."

She didn't know what was worse: how he created distance between them by referring to her as _you_ and to himself and the vampires as _us_ , or the way he purposefully twisted the history they had into something tainted. The small part of their history that _wasn't_ tainted by the painful cut in their relationship, these moments she had saved somewhere deep inside of her like a treasure.

"You know damn well that I had no idea what you were until you exposed yourself to me."

"Lucky me, I guess otherwise you would've ratted me out the second you found out, right? Like you did with all the other poor bastards you had wrapped around your finger?"

She breathed out, trying to calm herself down; trying to hide how hurt she was, but failing miserably.

"When did you get so… _cold_?"

He scoffed in disbelief and jumped to his feet, his anger was radiating like a massive ball of heat in her direction. " _Me_? Jesus Christ Donna, look in the mirror sometime, will you? If I didn't know what you look like I wouldn't recognize you anymore!"

"I did what I had to do to survive. Thanks to you, remember?", she yelled.

"Well, so did I! Do you think losing you was a fucking cakewalk for me? Do you think I wanted to turn into the person I am today? Did you think you could just disappear out of our lives without leaving a mark? Without _changing_ me?"

"Don't you make me responsible for the mess _you_ made, Harvey. I spend decades picking up the pieces from my old life, cutting ties with what was left of my original family, losing both you and Jessica, losing my humanity and at the same time, making sure you two don't get yourself killed. I did the best I could when all I really wanted to do was just give up."

"Then why didn't you?", Harvey spread his arms out, blinded by rage. "There wasn't anyone to stop you, right? My life sure as hell would've been better if you actually stayed dead."

"You know what, Harvey?" Donna's voice was lower now, thicker, like she had a lump in her throat. Harvey instantly regretted what he said. He knew he'd gone too far. "I thought about it a million times. Just ending this suffering, ending this life that wasn't supposed to be this long anyway, and definitely not this painful. And do you really wanna know why I didn't?" He didn't answer, but she kept going anyway.

"Because my desire to keep Neil away from you was stronger than my desire to give myself up. Because I'd rather suffer another century knowing that you hate me even though _you_ left _me_ than give Neil the satisfaction of being able to say that he broke my pride. Because in the end, that was all I had left. My pride. Other than that, there was nothing but emptiness. I was all alone."

"You think I didn't feel alone?"

"That's not the same and you know it. You had Jessica. She's your family."

" _We_ were family once. The three of us", he paused, unsure if he should really say the next words, but he knew that deep inside, he meant them. "And we still are."

"You're not my family anymore, Harvey", she answered. Her voice was near its breaking point now, much like she had been herself for as long as she could remember. "I have no family."

Harvey swallowed and sat down again. She observed him for a minute, unsure what to do now. She was about to leave the office when he finally spoke again, very quietly.

"I thought you were dead. It took me years to even say your name. Jessica, she- she wanted me to grieve and then eventually move on, like the humans do, but I couldn't. On some days I tried, god, I really tried. But I couldn't. It was like there was this hole in my life after you left and most of the time, it just felt numb. But when it hurt, it hurt so much that I didn't know how to deal with it. So I pushed every thought of you away, tried to erase you from my mind by forbidding myself to talk or think about you. I forbid Jessica to say your name. I shut off my humanity. And when I turned it back on, it hurt even more than before." A few seconds passed where none of them spoke. Donna knew he wasn't finished, so she let him gather himself. He still wasn't looking at her, his eyes were fixed on his dark reflection in the glass door.

"I spend such a long time of my life knowing that you would never come back, and somehow not to breaking despite it, and then you just showed up one day and came crashing back into my life like a hurricane. Without a warning, without telling me why. And I know I'm not handling it well, just like I know I lashed out on you way too cruelly a minute ago. I need you to understand that I'm trying, but it'll take me some time to come to terms with what happened these past few days." He breathed out. "Two days ago, I still thought you were dead."

She chose her next words carefully, and she didn't mean them to sound harsh, but in the end, they did. And maybe it was better this way, because maybe emotional distance would protect them from having another one of the exact same fights that they just had in the future.

"Well, I'm not. I'm alive. I'm here. And I think it's time you get used to it."

.

* * *

 **Updating my fic at 3am? Yay me.**

 **I originally planned to end this chapter on a happier note and end the fight between Donna and Harvey, but then both characters decided that they didn't wanna do that at all. They kinda escaped me and ran away to fight some more lol. But I guess after over a century of grief and anger, it takes more than two days for them to resolve what ever the hell is going on with them.**

 **I am aware that the flashback is longer than the present time in this chapter. But I feel like it works since that ball was one of the most important steps in their relationship. They were really close to each other for the first time, both physically and mentally. I did an awful lot of research because the ball actually existed in real life, and I tried to portray it as accurately as I could. If you wanna know more about it, let me know.**

 **Also, if you'd like, tell me what you think of how the story is evolving so far, especially Donna's family secret and Donna basically being a spy (hi Lamia) in the past and if you liked the dance scene (hi Ana).**

 **Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and encouraging me to keep writing. Without you lot, I'd be lost. x**


	4. Chapter 4: Bloodshot Eyes

**_The downside of me writing this fic? It's taking me too damn long to update #whatisconsistency_**

 ** _The upside of me writing this fic? Harvey isn't banging this therapist, so it can't be worse than season 7._**

 ** _I'm really anxious about uploading this chapter, so I truly hope you enjoy reading it._**

 ** _The song is Dazzle by Oh Wonder. Please listen to it before/during/after reading the chapter. It's a freaking masterpiece._**

* * *

 ** _Chapter Four - Bloodshot Eyes_**

 _You're getting higher than the ceiling lights  
And falling hard enough to lose the fight  
Not in it for the money, just in it for the thrill  
Living in the moment, paying for the kill_

* * *

 **New York, June 1899**

.

"Ugh, I can't take another summer like this", Harvey proclaimed, his voice dripping with over the top misery. They were sitting in his and Jessica's apartment, avoiding both the thick heat and the swarm of people outside.

Donna rolled her eyes and looked up from _The Awakening,_ the book she was reading. Harvey used the one she'd given him (she insisted that everyone she spent a certain amount of time with had to read _Heart Of Darkness_ at least once) to fan himself. "Oh, don't be such a wuss, I had to listen to you complain through the whole freaking winter: 'I hate snow; Jessica I wanna go to the Caribbean's; Donna can just tell her family she's on holiday with us'"

"Okay, a) that's a _terrible_ impersonation of me, and b) I don't whine like that."

" _Literally all winter long!_ "

"What are you kids fighting about?", Jessica intervened, walking into the room.

"Harvey's whining about summer."

"Already? We just got through you crying about how much you hate snow _all winter-_ "

"I never said that!", Harvey repeated, filled with indignation, but it was drowned by Donna's laugh.

"That's exactly what I told him."

"Harvey, listen to the woman. She's right."

"You two uniting against me is so unfair and you keep doing it! Why are you in such a good mood anyway? Did you find another vampire today?"

"Yup", Donna exclaimed and threw herself back on the sofa in the most unladylike manner possible. "Fifth night in a row, I'm on a roll here."

"I'm surprised that there are even any vampires left, considering the pace in which you're getting rid of them", Jessica mocked, earning a smile from Donna.

"I don't know why you're so happy about killing _our_ friends", he pointed to himself and Jessica, "when we're right next to you. Show some decency."

"Can we please stop pretending that it wasn't _your_ deal with my dad that conveniently led my family to a vampire nest two years ago", she looked at Jessica, who toasted her with the drink in her hand, "and _your_ tips aren't the reason I'm able to lure them out even faster than before", she nodded in Harvey's direction. "Not forgetting that without me keeping your secret, you would've had to flee town over a year ago with William and the few others that got out. Plus, I'm not killing them. That honour belongs to the men of the family. And you."

"Boy, you gotta stop telling her every single one of our secrets. She's starting to think like us", Jessica teased, earning a scoff from Harvey.

"I'm not telling her shit."

"Yes, you are", the two women answered in unison. They exchanged a quick look and started giggling while Harvey raised his hands in defeat.

"Man, I hate summer."

"You're so overdramatic."

Harvey listened Jessica and Donna chaffing him and couldn't believe that this had been his life for about two years now. Looking back, he knew it was the Bradley Martin ball that changed it all. Their talk on the balcony when Harvey and Donna both realised that despite knowing what they knew, they couldn't go back. That same night Harvey told Jessica everything and they fought and drank until dawn, deciding what to do next, before they finally agreed to protect themselves by selling the other vampires out.

By helping Donna's family to locate and identify vampires, they were as close to their enemy as possible. And none of the Paulsen's (except Donna) knew their true identities. They were far too distracted with killing every vampire that set one foot into town to see what was right under their noses. Next to them, Harvey and Jessica were untouchable, but they knew that if their cover ever blew, they'd not only be running from the hunters but from the other vampires as well. It was an open secret that they were responsible for the death of over a hundred of William's men, but so far, none of the humans considered how much they'd benefit from actually talking to a vampire before killing it.

Over time, Donna, Harvey and Jessica evolved into a deadly trio, mainly because their character traits completed each other exceptionally well. Donna hid behind her witty but innocent facade, Harvey still acted as the ladies' man (even though people were starting to notice that he didn't sleep around as much as he used to) and exposed female vampires while Jessica negotiated with Donna's father and sold him information.

It was a dangerous game for all three of them but they played it well. Whenever one of them made a mistake, one of the others was right behind them and helped them correct it. It was an unusual feeling for Harvey, to feel that comfortable with anyone other than Jessica, to suddenly be three instead of two. To be a unity, a family. It was them against the world. And so far, the world had always lost.

"Harvey?"

He snapped out of his thoughts. He hadn't even noticed that Jessica had left and he and Donna were alone again.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said my dad asked about you again."

Harvey rolled his eyes. "What is it this time?"

"He wants me to spend less time with you. People have been talking."

"People have been talking since we started this whole thing two years ago."

"I know. I think he just can't stand the fact that his only daughter has been rumoured to have an affair with New York's most notorious ladies' man for such a long time. Not to mention that I'm still unmarried."

"I think he just can't stand me."

She chuckled. "He really has to resist punching you each time you run into each other."

"That's why we let Jessica handle the business."

"Without her, we'd already be running for our lives."

"Are you saying you want to run away with me?"

Her smile made her eyes sparkle. "Would you go with me if I asked you to?"

"I would."

Donna bit her lip. She didn't mean for their conversation to drift into ambiguous, slightly inappropriate territory again. It just kept happening. It happened when they were alone, when they went to balls and were supposed to flirt with vampires, not each other, or when they danced and came too close for her liking. That was the other game they played and sometimes Donna thought it was even more dangerous. Because it wasn't about losing her safety or her life, it was about losing her heart.

Donna wasn't naive enough to believe they would ever have a chance to be more than a scandalous and whispered about affair and that was exactly why she never crossed the line. She could feel that he wanted to, she could see it in his eyes sometimes when he looked at her, but she never gave in. She found a family in him and Jessica and she wouldn't jeopardize that family by following her own selfish impulses.

"Well, if I ever have the urge to run for the hills, I know I can count on you and Jessica."

"I didn't say anything about Jessica", he said, tilting his head but keeping her gaze.

She mirrored his movement. "You didn't. I did."

He didn't answer right away and the silence that stretched between them made her slightly uncomfortable. When he suddenly reached for her hand and lightly let his index finger move over her knuckles, she felt her heart drop.

"How long are you going to make me wait, Donna?"

She didn't need to ask him what he meant. She knew that in some way, despite desperately trying not to, she was stringing him along.

Donna sighed and looked down on her hands. Watching him draw small circles over the back of her hand and her wrist, all she wanted to do was just give in. But she wouldn't.

"As long as I can.", she finally answered. Her voice was thicker than usual. He could tell that she was fighting with herself and sighed as well. But he drew back. In the end, it was her decision and he wouldn't try to force himself on her.

"I should go", Donna said quietly. She was avoiding his eyes. Harvey leaned back and picked up _Heart Of Darkness_ again.

"Give Amanda my love, please."

"I will." She stood in front of him for a few moments, debating if she should apologise or just walk away. In the end, she chose the latter.

"I'll see you at the ball tonight."

.

"Are you even listening to me, Harvey?"

"Huh?" He turned around and saw Jessica sitting in her chair, eying him with mockery. He'd spent the last ten minutes completely zoning out of the conversation, looking out of the window and thinking about how little minded the humans that walked by the building a few feet beneath him must be.

Jessica snorted. "Why do I even bother to keep you informed if you never pay any attention to what I'm saying?"

"Am I supposed to answer that question?"

"I should just talk to Donna from now on."

"Yeah, why don't you do that. You two don't seem to need me anyway", he shot back aggressively.

Jessica raised her brows. "I was wondering why you're in such a bad mood. So this is about Donna."

"It's not."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing."

" _Harvey_."

Harvey exhaled dramatically. "I'm just unsure where this whole thing is going to lead us."

"Could you be any less specific?"

"You know what I mean. We've been doing this for two years now, we've exposed and killed more vampires than I can count and while I don't feel bad about it, I know it's just gonna blow up in our face one day."

"We all knew the risk we were taking when we agreed to do this together. We chose Donna over our loyalty to the vampires and William in particular. I thought you were aware of the possible consequences when we made that decision."

"I was. I still am, and I know we made the right choice. But it feels like something huge is coming our way and I don't think we're prepared for it."

"I've taken precautions. If anything happens, we leave this town and don't look back."

"With her?"

"I knew this was about her."

"Answer my question."

"It's not my decision to make, Harvey, and you goddamn know it! I consider us three to be a family, but you shouldn't forget that she has another family as well."

"What if, one day, she has to choose between us and them?"

"I think you know that someday, she'll have to."

"And she'll choose them."

"That's not what I said."

"But it's what you thought. She's human. They're her original family. They're tied by blood, and obligation, and their secret. Why would she leave them behind to live with two vampires?"

"I don't like where you're going with this."

Harvey ran his fingers through his hair and started to walk around the room. "You've thought about it before."

"Of course I have. Like I said, she's like family to me. And I'm sure she's thought about it before, too. But thinking about it and actually proposing it are two very different things."

"I could turn her."

"No, you can't."

"What if she's- "

"She isn't", Jessica interrupted him gently.

"You didn't even know what I was gonna say."

"Yes, I did."

"She could be."

"She isn't, Harvey."

"How the hell would you know?", he barked, upset that Jessica didn't even give him the chance to explain himself.

"Because I know you. And I know you don't want to turn her because you wish to be her mentor. You want to turn her because you're in love with her. And the thought of her aging, the thought of _losing he_ r is unbearable."

"That doesn't mean she can't be my student", he said stubbornly, trying to ignore what she'd said about him being in love.

"Donna's not gonna be your student, Harvey. She'll never be." Jessica's voice was still soft. "Trust me, I would know."

"But – "

"You're not gonna turn her Harvey! You're not doing either of you a favour."

"You can't forbid me to talk to her about it."

"No, I can't. But you can sit down and listen to what I have to say."

He sat down next to begrudgingly, the curiosity getting the better of him.

"Back 1743, I met someone. I'd been a vampire for almost a century and I felt lonelier than ever before. My mentor and I, we… let's just say we were taking a break from each other, so I was desperate for a meaningful conversation, a companion, any relationship that didn't rely on feeding or manipulation. And just when I felt like I would never find that again, I met Gideon."

"I've never heard you say that name before."

"I try not to. Thinking about him brings back many memories that I'd rather not have." She straightened her back, slightly uncomfortable by her own openness. "From the moment I saw him, I thought that I had met my soulmate. Everything about him fascinated me. His wit, his sharp mind, his looks. We had an instant connection with each other and were inseparable for the next years. I thought about turning him all the time, and one day he told me that he did, too. We were scared that it would change anything between us, but after 8 years of struggling with him aging and us fearing that it would drift us apart, I turned him. I thought he was the perfect fit for me. He could be with me forever _and_ I could be his mentor."

"And?"

She laughed humourlessly. "And nothing. Of course everything changed after I turned him. He didn't want me to teach him anything. He wanted to be my equal. He wanted to feed until he passed out. He wanted to live his life to its fullest. The vampirism heightened his charm, but it also heightened his selfishness. As a human, he was sensitive and loving. As a vampire, he didn't care for anything at all."

Harvey closed his eyes. He felt something between pity and annoyance. He knew why Jessica chose this moment to tell him this story, the parallels between her and Gideon and him and Donna were obvious, but he didn't want to agree with her. Just because her relationship with Gideon failed, his with Donna wouldn't necessarily follow the same path.

"I know what you're thinking", she said, shaking her head when she saw the look on her face. "But turning someone for selfish reasons isn't romantic, making someone you love your student isn't romantic. It's a fatal mistake. And if you do, you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life."

She got up and nudged his shoulder. "I'm gonna go get ready for the ball."

He looked up at her and saw her hard but loving glance.

"Don't turn her, Harvey."

.

"May I ask you something?"

Donna's attention shifted from the vampire dancing behind Harvey (their target for the night) to the very man she was dancing with herself. His face was unusually sincere and she prayed that he wouldn't bring up her father again. Especially after the last conversation she had with her dad.

"Since when do you need permission to ask me anything?", she teased, but nodded after he didn't join in on their usual banter.

"Don't you ever want to find a husband, settle down and live the quiet, domestic life we're all supposed to be living, blissfully ignoring the things you've seen?"

She looked at him in surprise. She thought if there was one thing they had in common, it was their unwillingness to bend over to the rules society tried to place on them.

"Why would I long for something that is considered the only life worth living although I rarely see people finding true happiness and peace in it?"

He considered that for a moment. "I see your point. But how is the life _we_ lead going to bring us any of that? It's far more probable that it'll give us nothing but pain and misery. And for you, potential death, too."

Donna's face grew harder. "I would rather live a short life in which I am independent and free than a long one where I feel trapped and belong to a husband that married me out of duty or greed. My family is dictating my life enough as it is, I don't need a husband to strengthen that."

Harvey smiled. He just couldn't help himself. " _But whatever came, she had resolved never again to belong to another than herself._ "

"You read _The Awakening_?", she said, her eyes widening.

"Have I read a book that had the entire upper class shaken to the core with being so honest it was considered scandalous? Are you kidding me? Of course I have."

She didn't know what to answer, she just kept staring at him and the childish, proud look on his face when he realised he just made her speechless. This morning she told him that she'd fight however long she could, but her resistance was melting away quicker than expected. Every touch – and they've been touching _a lot_ recently – furthered her inability to resist him, to think about him.

The dance ended, saving Donna from following her urge to throw herself at him.

"I need a drink", she said.

He smirked. "Champagne?"

"Scotch."

"A woman after my own heart", he whispered, taking her arm and guiding her to the bar. She cursed him and herself with every step of the way.

They were on their third glass and Donna was starting to feel quite tipsy when their target finally came over to them. Donna gave Harvey a small nod and he drew back discreetly so she could get to work. She gave the man next to her the brightest smile possible and like she expected he immediately responded to it by introducing himself.

Donna felt Harvey's gaze on them during the entire conversation, but it didn't distract her. It made her even better. She knew that it bugged him when she flirted with other men and his obvious jealousy normally let to incredibly childish but equally hilarious behaviour. He was on the other side of the room, but it was like he was standing right next to her, disapproving every single one of her moves.

Her scam worked faster than ever before and after less than 20 minutes, she left the grand room, arms linked with her target, who was babbling something about the importance of shoe laces, making Donna wonder (not for the first time, sadly) how someone could be a vampire and so freaking boring at the same time. When they passed Harvey, she mouthed 'give me five minutes with him' in his direction and winked. Harvey didn't seem to find it funny at all.

Donna led the vampire – she couldn't even remember his name – through a corridor on the other side of the house and to a small room right at the back that she'd prepared earlier.

The second he closed the door, his behaviour changed. After 20 minutes of acting like the perfect gentlemen who was seemingly flustered by her simply touching his arm, he dropped his facade the moment they were alone. She was only mildly surprised. At least he wouldn't bore her to death anymore.

"You're quiet something, Miss Paulsen", he said, firmly grabbing her arm and seating her next to him on the sofa. "But word goes around that you are like a black widow. Every man that gets near you doesn't survive long enough to tell the tale."

"Is that so?", she asked, slightly amused. "I wonder where those outrageous rumours come from."

"They are probably spread by the men that don't want anybody else falling for your schemes."

She laughed. "Are you indicating that you believe the gossip surrounding my name simply because it exists?"

"Well, people have been gossiping about your affair with Harvey Specter as well, and after seeing you dance with him tonight, I know for a fact that this rumour is true. So why shouldn't I believe the rest of them?"

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." The warmth in Donna's voice was gone.

"Oh, I think you do. Everybody does. One can't imitate that kind of intimacy."

"You'd be surprised."

She was about to stand up, but the grip around her arm tightened. "I don't think it's time for you to go yet."

"I'm afraid my family will start worrying if I don't come back to the dance", she gave back, unagitated and not the least bit scared, which confused him.

"Your family or Harvey Specter?" His face started changing and Donna could see his fangs grazing over his lips. She rolled her eyes. "You're an impatient one, aren't you? Vampires really don't know the first thing about properly courting a lady."

Her unfazed and derisive behaviour turned his slight confusion into anger in the brink of a moment and he threw himself on her to bit her, but Donna was prepared.

She grabbed the wooden knife she'd placed on the table next to her at the beginning of the evening and jabbed it right into his chest. The vampire yowled and his red eyes went wide with surprise as he rolled off the sofa.

It took her a second too long to realize that she had missed his heart, and that second was fatal when he pulled the knife out of his body and attacked her again.

"Yeah, no, that's not gonna happen", she heard Harvey's voice say from somewhere right next to her and when he threw the vampire off her, she couldn't help but feel a small spark of gratitude – which she would never let him know, of course.

"What took you so long?!"

"I'm sorry, I thought you wanted your five minutes in heaven with this douchebag?", Harvey yelled back, apparently not occupied enough with fighting the vampire to resist being petty. He seemed to be no match for him neither in age nor experience and when Harvey got bored, he punched him right in the face and chuckled when the vampire fell over like he hit a brick wall.

"Did you just knock him out?", Donna grinned, trying not to sound impressed.

"You can thank me later."

She accepted the hand he offered her to pull her up and couldn't help but answer his bright, satisfied smile with one of her own. When his facial expression suddenly changed from gleeful to horrified she was confused, until she saw the bloody end of a stake buried in his chest. He hadn't knocked out the vampire after all.

Harvey fell to the floor in silence but Donna was sure her scream would be heard a few rooms further. Acting on pure instinct and blind rage, she took the wooden knife and engraved it in the vampire's body with such force that she could hear his ribs crack. He turned cold and grey as she carelessly pushed him aside to kneel beside Harvey and examine his wound.

"Are you okay? Where did he get you?"

"Splinters", Harvey managed to say. His face was pale and he was coughing blood. Donna swallowed.

"Splinters near your heart?", she asked, already knowing the answer. He nodded, gasping for air.

"Hold on", she ordered, rolling him on the side and trying to get a proper grip on the dry end of the stick that was stuck in his back. It wasn't easy with her shaking hands and the weirdly smooth material of the stake, but she was able to pull it out in one quick move, causing him to hiss.

"Do you still feel something grazing your heart?" He shook his head and she sighed in relief.

"Can you get up?" He shook his head again. She took a longer look at the gaping wound in his chest and felt the blood draining out of her face. He wasn't healing.

"What's wrong?"

He struggled to get the world out. "Silver."

Donna cursed underneath her breath and looked at the weapon in her hand. The entire stake was coated with silver. He wouldn't be able to heal by himself.

"You need blood." She grabbed the dagger that she always kept hidden in her stockings and cut a part of her wrist with it. Harvey watched her blood slowly running out of the wound in shock.

"No", he said, suddenly much more approachable.

"Don't be an idiot, Harvey", she shot back coldly. "You'll die if you don't drink."

"I – won't – drink – from – you."

Her wrist was hovering over his face and even though he was weak, he took her arm with his hand and pushed it away stubbornly. "It's too dangerous."

"I'll manage."

"I don't want to hurt you", he whispered.

The look Donna gave him was calculating. Intransigent. "I don't care."

And with that, she put her wrist against his mouth. The second he got the first taste of her blood, he was gone. It was electrifying. He couldn't see or feel anything other than her presence, her blood, her heartbeat; the only thing he smelled was her intoxicating aroma of roses, calves and the slightest hint of vanilla, the exact scent he's been addicted to since the moment he met her.

He was as close to her as he possibly could, but it still felt like it wasn't enough. Harvey had heard about vampires drinking from someone they were close to emotionally, not to feed, but to feel what he was beginning to feel right now. He had never believed any of the stories. He'd never believed there would be any difference.

He'd been wrong.

Harvey let go of Donna's wrist and met her eyes with his own, the darkness and wild desire in her stare mirroring his. It was the line they never should've crossed. The one thing they never should've done. But now that they did, there was no going back. There was nothing that could make him stop.

He sliced his own wrist open with his teeth. "You need to drink as well."

Her expression changed, now mainly nervous and insecure. "I'm fine."

"You won't be when I'm done."

He barely gave her a moment to understand what that meant – it had taken all of his inner strength to stop drinking from her for more than a few seconds – before he was moving her hair to the side and traced the thick vein on her neck with his finger.

"Promise me you'll drink."

Still anxious, she gave him the smallest nod and took his wrist into her hands, expecting him to rip open her neck like the other vampires that had attacked and fed on her in the past. But he didn't.

His bite was gentle, and while it naturally hurt slightly at the beginning, when he started drinking her blood it felt more like he pulled a part of her into himself. It was a scarily addictive feeling, like they connected on an entirely new, deeper level.

It was only when the world started spinning and dizziness took over her when she remembered what he made her promise and despite her education, despite her head screaming at her not to do it, she brought her lips to his skin and swallowed the first stream of his blood without further thinking about it.  
When her father had started educating her all those years ago, he began by giving her two rules she always had to follow, no matter what happened. The first one was to never trust, try to change or love a vampire. The second one was to never, under any circumstances, share her blood with a vampire. But her father never told her the reason. He never told her if she shouldn't do it because it was dangerous or because it felt _absolutely incredible_.

He didn't prepare her for the moment her mind locked with Harvey's, how she couldn't make out where her thoughts and feelings ended and his began anymore, how the rush that pulsated through her body was exciting and terrifying and life changing at the same time, how the blood strengthened all of her senses to a level she didn't think was possible and most of all, how she never wanted to stop feeling this close to Harvey, to his mind, to his scent, to his touch.

In the matter of seconds, she'd broken both golden rules for good. And the damage that would follow would be as unstoppable as it'd be disastrous.

As they eventually let go of one another, their faces remained in a position barely a few centimetres away from each other. Her hand settled on his heaving chest, feeling his racing heart pound against her palm.

"Harvey…"

He cupped her face in his hands and came closer, their noses brushing against each other. She could feel his breath on her face, and she was about to lean in and finally do what she'd been wanting to do since they danced together two years ago, when he whispered: "Let me get you home, okay?"

It was like he violently smashed in the world she'd been caught up in for the last minutes. Like getting the first breath of air after being held under water. Her mind started working again, the rush from consuming his blood slowly faded away and left her with the cold, hard feeling of reality.

She cleared her throat. "Why?"

A crocked smile appeared on his face. "You're probably still tipsy and _definitely_ high on blood. I don't want you to do anything you'll regret in the morning."

Her smile was weak. "Harvey Specter doing the right thing. How knew."

"Did you forget I'm a gentleman?"

A small laugh escaped her lips. He was about to get up when she stopped him by pressing her hand firmer against his chest. "Harvey, wait. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If I haven't changed my mind until New Year's Eve, will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Will you turn me?"

.

* * *

 _There's a human in your heart of hearts  
Hiding true colours made you fall apart  
In the mirror you're a work of art  
But this is real life_

* * *

 **New York, today**

 _._

Three weeks. _Sixteen_ fights. Five smiles. One genuine laugh.

Harvey groaned. He didn't want to keep counting, and he particularly didn't enjoy that thought being the first one when he woke up every freaking morning. The entire firm must be thinking they were completely nuts by now. And while Louis seemed to have finally adjusted to the fact that Donna was his secretary and Donna herself was apparently warming up to Louis and primarily Rachel, Jessica kept pestering him about solving his issues with her and Mike stayed away from the topic like it was poisonous.

Harvey _hated_ going to work. He hated feeling uneasy and ready to fight in every waking moment. He hated being cornered by Jessica and thus avoided her; he hated how Mike left the room the second Donna joined their conversation. He hated Rachel side-eyeing him, like she knew something he didn't. Which she probably did.

He hated _her_. The way she made him feel. The way she messed up his entire life without giving a single fuck about it.

And he hated himself for every time he let her get to him, for every woman's neck he ripped open in the night, not only to still his never-ending hunger and aggression, but to get her face out of his head. To stop thinking about her for just a second.

Each time they made progress, one of them took the next moment to destroy it again. One step forward, ten steps back.

The worst thing was how much his constant fighting with Donna affected every single aspect of his life. He'd gotten so good at separating his actual life with Jessica from the pretend life he was living and had no trouble changing radically every few years. His inconsistent lifestyle had ironically been his consistency, and now Donna was blowing it all up simply by her presence.

Harvey poured some scotch into his coffee cup, feeling too frustrated to start his day sober. He took a big swig and felt the alcohol rush through his veins just when his phone started buzzing on the counter. Reading the caller ID made him quirk an eyebrow in surprise.

"How's your morning going, beautiful?"

"Eat me, Harvey."

He grinned. "I'd love to. Why don't you come over?"

Harvey could practically see her rolling her eyes. "I'm going to let that go for now."

"Another time then."

"Don't count on it, Specter."

Something in her voice was more earnest than usual. She didn't really seem to be as annoyed by his innuendos as she normally was.

"Is everything okay?"

"Like you care", she teased him.

"Scottie."

She sighed. "You need to get out of New York."

His hand stopped midway through reaching for his cup. "How do you know where I am?"

"Wild guess."

"Don't bullshit me, Scottie. The truth. Right now." There was no warmth left in Harvey's voice. He took another gulp of his coffee.

"It _was_ a guess, Harvey. Because Neil is there."

"That's not funny."

"Do you hear me freaking laughing?" She sounded hectic now, like she feared their conversation had been too long already. The thought settled in his head and made him uneasy. "My contacts in New York told me he arrived last night. There's already been an incident in Brooklyn. He slaughtered an entire bar filled with vampires. He's out for blood, Harvey. And it's not theirs. He wants you and Jessica. He always has."

"But— ", he paused for a second, trying to put the swirling mess in his mind in a useable order. He needed to stop drinking on an empty stomach. "It can't be him. Jessica's contacts are the only ones more reliable than yours. They would've told her and she would be on the other side of the planet by now. It has to be a fake."

Scottie took a deep breath, afraid of what she had to say next. Harvey had never responded well to accusations, not to mention betrayal by the people close to him. "The information came from her contact, Harvey. She knows."

The coffee mug fell on the floor. Harvey watched the pieces scatter all over the floor tiles with a strange mixture of indifference and fascination. It was easier to focus on the brown liquid slowly making its way through his kitchen, away from the shards that held it captive before, and not on the mess his life had become. Or always had been.

"Harvey?"

"What?"

"What do you mean, _what_?! You need to get out of town right now, do you hear me?"

His eyes were still following the stream of coffee now reaching the edge of his bin. "I need to go now."

"Promise me you'll start packing immediately." He didn't answer. "I need your head in the game, okay?"

He woke up from his trance and threw a towel on the small puddle in front of his feet. "I need to talk to her first."

"But— "

"Save it for someone who gives a shit, Scottie. I'm not going anywhere without Jessica."

"You know what, Harvey?", Scottie snapped. "Maybe you should stop being an asshole to the people that are trying to save your ass and start questioning the blind and frankly ridiculous loyalty you have for Jessica."

"Did you really expect me to fly over to Harvard and run away with you before at least talking to the woman I've been on the run with since 1909?"

"Oh, get the fuck over yourself, honestly. You and I have been over this way too many times, but let me say it again so that it gets through your big, fat ego: I don't wanna run away with you. We didn't work. We don't work and I don't want us to work. I don't know how this still is such a mystery to you, but I can actually care about you without wanting you back."

Harvey knew she was right. She didn't give him time to apologize – which he probably wouldn't have done anyway – as there were far more important things to take care of than his view on ex-girlfriends. "Look, I hope Jessica can explain herself. I really do. I owe her. Just don't forget that you'll be even less useful for me if you're dead."

He chuckled lightly. "Me and Jessica are leaving the city by tonight. We'll pick you up and make it up as we go from there. Deal?"

"Deal. And Harvey?"

"Yeah?"

"Get yourself a less obvious car this time. A freaking Lamborghini, I mean seriously?"

"Fuck off, Scottie."

The last thing he heard before he hung up the phone was her laughter. It made him miss her, how easy and physical their relationship used to be at the beginning, how he thought she could maybe be able to heal a fraction of the wounds that wouldn't stop bleeding after Donna left. Who knew, perhaps he could persuade her into rekindling their relationship for old times' sake…

He let Ray know to pick him up immediately and hurried to the fridge to grab a blood bag for the way. When he got into his car and watched the city pass him by he couldn't help but secretly pray for two things: Firstly, Jessica better be having a damn good explanation for all of this mess. And secondly, he hoped luring Neil into town wasn't the reason Donna came back. The last thing he wanted to do was use the stake he had put in the inside pocket of his suit on the way out.

But he would, if he had to.

.

"Are you telling me he's already _in town_?"

"Yes." Jessica stood up from her chair. She was far too calm for Donna's liking.

"What are we gonna do?"

She didn't answer.

"Why are we still here, Jessica?"

"Because we're safer this way."

Donna shook her head. What had sounded like a logical suggestion three weeks ago was now nothing more than a couple of hollow words. For the first time, she understood why Harvey regularly questioned Jessica's stubbornness and unwillingness to budge. She had agreed on staying here because until now, there hadn't been any hard evidence that Neil knew where all three of them were or if he even knew Jessica and Harvey were still alive. But now that he was indeed in New York, there was no way he wouldn't find them. There was no way he didn't already know where they were. There was no way they'd survive if they'd stay in hiding.

"Maybe we should reconsider— " "I'm not telling Harvey", Jessica said sharply, immediately dismissing the idea. Donna tried not to let her annoyance show. "Are you not even gonna let me say why we could consider telling him?"

"No, I won't."

"Funny, for a minute there I thought we were actually in this together."

"We are." Jessica gave the redhead a stern look. "But we agreed not to tell Harvey, knowing that he's only going to make it worse."

Donna waved that argument aside with a gesture of her hand. "Jessica, listen— "

"No, you listen. I don't know if you've noticed but Harvey is close to losing his goddamn mind ever since you came back."

"So am I, Jessica!", Donna bit back, the anger causing her voice to be louder than necessary. "Apart from the constant threat of Neil showing up at this firm and killing us all, I've had to deal with Harvey's aggression, Rachel's curiosity, Louis' over the top jealousy _and_ your pressure for the past weeks. I'm _exhausted_ from all the fighting. And I can't do it anymore."

"I told you to find a way and make up with him."

"He doesn't want to make up with me, he wants to kill me for all I know."

"That's bull— "

"And as long as he doesn't know that Neil is back on our trail again— "

"– we still don't know that for sure."

"—he'll _never_ trust me."

"Donna", Jessica cut in gently. Donna couldn't stand sudden softness in her voice. She didn't want to be pitied, she wanted Jessica to understand what she was going through.

"You know, you threw me and him back together without really thinking about what it would do to either of us and I obeyed because I trusted that you had all of our best interests at heart."

"I do."

"Then how can you expect us to trust and rely on each other when you're not even giving me a chance to start being honest with him?"

The name partner opened her mouth to answer, but the words got stuck in her throat when she saw the person standing in the entrance of her office. Donna followed her gaze and turned around. She swallowed.

"Jessica", Harvey gritted through his teeth. "Roof. _Now_."

The two women stood still for a moment, completely shocked by his sudden appearance. He didn't shoot Donna more than a depreciative glance before he turned around and walked away without another word.

"Shit", Jessica cussed. "Oh _shit_!"

"What do you need me to do?", Donna asked, somewhere between panic and determination.

"Stay here, I'll handle it", Jessica threw back over her shoulder, already on the way out to follow her mentee. Donna sat down on the edge of her boss's desk, slowly breathing in and out, trying to fight her growing annoyance of being left out of the important conversation. Again.

Harvey made sure to let her feel excluded, like she didn't belong with them, and despite Jessica's repeated affirmation that she was considered family, Harvey's treatment was more effective. It walked hand in hand with Donna's deep-rooted fear of feeling lost and the knowledge that she'd be on her own for the rest of her existence.

She was barely given a moment to gather herself when the door opened again and Rachel entered the office, her eyes full of suspicion and curiosity. "Mind telling me what that was all about?"

"Not now, Rach."

"Come on, Donna, you can talk to me."

"What part of 'not now' is so hard to understand?", the redhead bit back. Rachel raised her brows, taken aback. Donna hoped her unnecessary rudeness would make her friend walk away, but she also longed for someone to just sit down and talk to. She couldn't help but smile sadly when Rachel did the exact same thing, quietly settling on the edge of the table next to her and teasingly bumping her shoulder against Donna's.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, really." Donna cleared her throat. "It's just— I've been feeling like crap lately, you know." She tried to laugh, but the sound that came out of her mouth was more of a tired groan. "All the fighting with Harvey, all this anger inside of me… I don't know how to let any of it go. But I know I have to, because it's starting to tear me up inside. And as if that wasn't enough…" Her voice trailed off like she forgot what she wanted to say, but Rachel knew better by now.

"Did you fight with Jessica as well? About Harvey?"

"I guess you could say that", Donna answered vaguely. She didn't want to open up more, she didn't want to make herself vulnerable in front of a person she probably wouldn't see again after today. Even if Jessica and Harvey chose to stay in New York, which she highly doubted now that Harvey knew about Neil, she wouldn't. She had no energy left to fight Neil. She'd run as far as she possibly could, and if that wasn't far enough and he'd find her, then so be it. She was done fighting.  
So, what was the point of burdening this beautiful, vibrant young woman next to her with any aspect of her dark and draining life? It wouldn't make either of them feel better.

Rachel stayed quiet. She was waiting for Donna to elaborate, and it was exactly that kind of gentle patience that, despite knowing better, made Donna crack for just one moment instead of staying strong. "I'm near my breaking point right now, Rachel", she whispered, desperately trying not to cry. "And I don't know how to go on."

The first tear slipped out of her eye when Rachel put her head down on Donna's shoulder. It was only a small gesture, probably stemming from the helpless wish to make her friend feel better, unaware of how much that ordinary but genuine physical closeness meant to Donna. And Rachel didn't move away when Donna tilted her own head to the side to rest it on top of hers while more tears fell out of her eyes. She simply took her friend's hand and let her cry, giving her the comfort she desperately needed and haven't had in such a long time.

Telling her that it was okay to cry. Showing her that she didn't need to feel ashamed to be overwhelmed by emotions. Letting her know that she wasn't alone.

.

When Harvey stepped out on the roof, Jessica was already sitting on the bench and staring at the New York skyline.

"How the hell did you manage to get up here faster than me?"

"I've told you a hundred times that there's no need for you to take the elevator when you can take the stairs."

"The elevator is quicker."

"You're a freaking vampire, Harvey. _You're_ quicker."

He snorted. "I don't care."

"Then why did you ask?", she countered.

Harvey came closer to the bench. "Why didn't you tell me Neil was hunting us again?"

"Touché."

He watched her from the corner of his eye, struggling to keep his anger bottled up inside.

"I want you to answer the question", he demanded.

"I had my reasons."

"Jessica", he warned. "Don't provoke me."

She sighed deeply and turned her full attention to him. "It doesn't matter what I say. You're angry at me. Your anger is going to control you and cause you to act irrationally for the next hours. That's why you wanted us to have this talk here, on the roof. So that you can yell at me instead of thinking about why I felt the need to hide this from you."

"I knew it", Harvey snarled. Her nonchalance made him even more furious.

"Knew what?"

"You kept this from me because you will _never_ treat me as your equal. Because you're scared of the day I won't need you anymore, or – even worse – excel you in every manner possible."

"No, Harvey", Jessica scoffed. "I _kept_ this from you, because I knew you would lash out and act like a child the minute you heard Neil was hunting us again."

"And how is that not talking down on me?"

"If you'd actually listen to what I'm saying instead of rushing into this head first like you always do, you'd be able to see that me keeping this under wraps is the only way I can protect us."

Harvey couldn't stand still anymore, so he started walking up and down the roof. "Why the hell is running not an option? You were the one that always got out of a town the second Neil stepped into it, and suddenly you wanna stay and hope it just blows over?!"

"Think about it, Harvey. Think about what it would mean for us to run away right now. Really think about how that would go."

It took him a moment to catch up with her thought process, but then it hit him.

"You're talking about Donna."

Jessica nodded slightly. "Running away was so easy because it was just the two of us. And because we had the same rules for decades, not to mention that I would die for you without thinking twice and I know you would do the same for me. Bringing Donna into it complicates things. It makes it so much harder to calculate where we should go, how we should cover our trail and if our relationships with each other are even ready for that kind of physical and emotional nearness."

"What if we left her behind?" The question slipped out of Harvey's mouth thoughtlessly, like it was nothing. But his words were floating around in the air between him and Jessica, who was now looking at him in shock and with honest disappointment.

"Are you insane?"

"Give me one good reason why we should take her with us."

"We just got her back. You wanted her back for over a hundred years!"

"We still know _nothing_ about her motives, about what she was doing all this time or if she was the one that told Neil where we are."

"I trust her", Jessica stated firmly, standing up from the bench and facing him.

Harvey's laugh was cold. " _Why_? Please, enlighten me. Maybe you can open my eyes, because I sure as hell don't trust her."

"While you were too busy throwing your accusations at her and fight like there's no tomorrow during the past few weeks, I sat down with her and had multiple, genuine conversations. That's what adults do when they want to solve an issue. They talk."

"When will you understand that our _issues_ can't be solved by talking? Or by anything at all?"

"When will you start to try?", Jessica fired back, clearly losing her patience with him.

He shrugged. "When she'll give me a reason to assume she's worth the effort."

His mentor stared daggers at him. "The way you talk about her disgusts me."

"Yeah, well, the way you blindly believe you can trust her after everything she did makes me think you're pretty stupid."

Jessica rushed closer to him, grabbing him by his coat and forcing him to look her into the eyes. "You better watch your mouth, Harvey, or I'll throw you off this building."

Every instinct told him to just shut up and run. "Give me one reason why I should trust her", he repeated instead. "And I'll consider it."

She let go of him and sat back down on the bench, but stayed quiet.

"I knew it. You can't give me a reason, can you? You and Donna are hiding something from me. Something else, I mean. Something that's even worse than your secret about Neil."

Jessica was avoiding his eyes when she replied. "The reason I can't make you trust her is because you don't want to forgive her, Harvey. You want to lash out at her and hurt her, you probably want to sleep with her— "

The casual way she slipped that in made him cringe. He felt caught out. She noticed his discomfort and her eyes flickered up to study his face. "What? Even Mike freaking Ross feels the tension between you two when he's in the same room, did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

He didn't know what to answer, he just knew that he _really_ didn't want to talk about this with her. To his relief, she went on with what she actually meant to say a moment later.

"Without forgiveness, there is no trust. No loyalty, no faith in each other. And if that doesn't exist between the two of you, if you're too occupied with fighting to see the bigger picture, then what am I supposed to do with either of you on the run?"

"And if we stay? Is it any better to get ready for a fight here in New York when we're having the same problem?"

Jessica smiled tiredly. "That's a good question. Who knows if I'm getting old or if the faith I put in the two of you is simply foolish, but I still hope you will come around eventually so we can show the world how indestructible the three of us are if we work together."

"We will never be able to get back to the way we were all those years ago, Jessica."

"I know. You don't need to tell me that." Her eyes caught his one last time before she turned her attention back to the breath-taking view over the city. "But I'm not leaving. And that decision is final until the three of us can have a calm, appropriate discussion about what we should do next. You can run off with Scottie if you feel like it or you can stay and start making amends. It's your choice."

Harvey shook his head, not even bothering to try and understand how she could know about Scottie. "I can't believe _you_ were the one that lied to _me_ and yet you're still here trying to make me feel bad about myself."

"I don't see any point in further discussing this with you while your judgement is clouded by anger."

At first, he wanted to ignore that last sentence and just storm of. Get back to work. Act like none of this happened. But then he remembered what – or _who_ – was waiting for him downstairs. Harvey pulled on the door harder than necessary and it swung open with a loud bang. He glanced over to Jessica sitting on the bench like a statue and wondered if this fiery pit of anger in his stomach would ever go away again.

"This conversation isn't over, Jessica. Do you hear me?"

He didn't even wait for her answer and slammed the door shut behind him. It took her a minute to answer.

"I do."

.

Working at Pearson Hardman had been different from what he expected. When Rachel told him work stories about Louis or new Senior Partners, he'd felt like this entire firm consisted of brilliant but emotionally completely detached lawyers. If he believed Rachel, that description had indeed been somewhat accurate until Harvey, Jessica and Donna joined the firm and turned the place upside down in the matter of weeks.

Mike still didn't understand how and why Jessica became the head of the firm and had her name on the wall literally overnight. He didn't understand how she was able to rule the firm and keep her employees together while Hardman was mostly out of town on business meetings and Harvey didn't leave out one opportunity to make her life a living hell. Ever since she hired Donna as his secretary – Mike was still convinced that even if they weren't married, she had to at least be his ex-girlfriend or something – Harvey made it his mission to punish both women for that decision as much as he could.

Today was one of those typical days: There must have been a fight even before Mike had gotten to Harvey's office, because when he arrived around 11am, the atmosphere had already been on a dramatically low point. Harvey and Donna didn't talk to one another at all but shot each other cold, irate glances that reminded Mike to not, under any circumstances, ask what was wrong with them.

He had tried, multiple times. He had tried getting Harvey drunk, making him mad, making him laugh or distracting him with work. He had tried to bribe Donna with her favourite coffee or with stories about him and Rachel, but she didn't even bother to hide her amusement at his desperate attempts to get to know her better.

And now, here he was, after another long day of tense conversations and smiles that lacked all warmth whatsoever, desperate to go home and be with his fiancé. He looked at his watch again, stifling a yawn. It was 8.30. If he'd hurry up, he'd be out of the office by 9 and he'd have the whole weekend to get some distance between himself and this depressing place.

"Something wrong?", Harvey asked without looking up from his paper. Mike shifted slightly on the couch and moved his head in Harvey's direction.

"Nope, I'm good. In fact, I'm almost done."

"Am I supposed to be impressed?"

Mike grinned. "You should be. I mean, you wouldn't be able to work this fast without me."

"Believe me, I was doing just fine before I met you", Harvey countered. Mike bit his tongue, restraining himself from commenting on that honestly. He closed his folder instead and smirked with satisfaction.

"Boom. Deal's done."

"Deal's not done until I say it's—hang on, where do you think you're going?"

"It's almost 9pm on a Friday night, where do you think I'm going?", Mike laughed. "I'm going home to see Rachel."

"No, you're not. We're not finished."

The young lawyer squinted his eyes. "I did my part."

"Well, I could use your help with some of the rest."

"Don't you have a secretary for that?" He knew it was a mistake the second he said the words out loud. Harvey stood up from the sofa and walked over to his desk.

"I'm your boss, and if I tell you to stay and help me finish my work until 4am you goddamn do it without complaining. Understood?" He sat down in his chair, looking at Mike as if he was his enemy.

Mike sighed. "Of course. I'm sorry."

He was about to sit down on the sofa again when Donna entered the office. Her posture lacked her usual determination and it made her whole presence seem a bit off.

"Mike is right, Harvey. I can help you with that."

"No, you can't", he replied roughly. _Here we go_ , Mike thought.

"Yes, I can." She clenched her teeth. "You just don't want me to. And you're taking it out on him and Rachel. But it's not their fault that you have a problem with me."

"I don't have a problem with you, Donna. I just don't trust you."

For a moment, Donna seemed speechless and Mike was able to see her vulnerability. Harvey had not missed his target with that punch. But Donna had learned to cover that vulnerability with anger within seconds; anger that she was now directing towards Harvey.

"So? I don't trust you either. Especially after what happened today. But that's not the topic of this conversation."

"Then what is?"

"This isn't about us right now, this is about Mike and Rachel. I won't let them suffer because you're so paranoid and messed up that you can't see what's right in front of you. I won't let you punish them for your issues."

"You won't _let me_?"

"You're damn right I won't let you. Just like I won't let you continue throwing assumptions around even though you have no proof. You're like a five-year-old having a tantrum, but you don't have the balls to directly accuse me of anything."

"Fine, then I'll ask you point blank: Was it you? Did you tell him where we are? Did he promise to spare you if you sell us out? Did _you_ have the balls to say no to him?"

Mike's eyes widened. _What on earth was going on here?_

Donna stepped closer to Harvey's desk, her whole body was vibrating with suppressed rage. "You know what, fuck you, Harvey!" She practically spitted the words in his face. "I could accuse you of the same thing and yet I don't, so you better watch how far you're going with this."

"Yeah, well, unlike you, I don't have a tendency to reveal other people's secrets or locations just for my benefit, so why don't you just— "

" _Wow_ , that's rich coming from you, Harvey", she interrupted him with a certain sharpness in her voice. Mike mentally prepared himself to leave the room the second things went south for good, which they would. They always did.

"Remember what happened to Amanda?"

Harvey leapt out of his chair in such inhumane speed that Mike froze on the spot. The couple in front of him fell into an ice cold silence, but it was different than usual. Apart from the normal anger and tension drifting through the air, he felt a dangerous, deadly vibe. Like Donna had finally crossed the one line they'd never be able to come back from. Like they would start ripping each other to shreds if he even dared to blink.

"Mike", Harvey finally whispered, his eyes still fixed on the woman in front of him. "Get the hell out of here. And don't come back."

Mike instantly followed his boss's proposal, genuinely scared by the scenario in front of him. Hurrying away from Harvey's office, his hands started fumbling for his phone the moment he was out of sight.

Rachel answered by the second ring. "Honey I'm still working, now is _not_ the time for a favour."

"Listen, I just left Harvey's office and I think you should contact Jessica. You have her number, right?"

He heard her move slightly in her chair, a sign that she could hear the fear in his voice and was starting to worry. "Is everything okay?"

"No. No, it really isn't. I think they're going to kill each other if she doesn't stop them."

.

"So what, are you gonna take a swing at me now, Harvey?", she scoffed, her eyes narrowed, her entire body language expressing pure hostility.

"I'm considering it", he gave back coldly.

"You wouldn't d- "

He was right in front of her face in the blink of an eye. "I wouldn't _what_ , exactly?"

Feeling attacked by him suddenly invading her personal space like that, she followed her first impulse and pushed him away. It was nothing more than a defence mechanism, but the uncontrollable amount of anger inside her made Donna's thrust way harder than intended and she ended up smashing him into the window across from his office door.

The ear-piercing shatter of the breaking glass facade combined with the jolting pain in his back made Harvey lose his orientation for a second. There was a giant piece of glass stuck in his spine and he had trouble pulling it out right away. All he could see was his blood and the broken fragments of what used to be his window.

"Oh god."

Her voice brought him back to reality. Back to her. His eyes fixated on Donna, standing a few steps away, her hands covering her mouth. Unable to move, unable to grasp what she'd just done.

"I didn't mean to— "

"Shut up." He'd found the strength to get on his feet again as his hand searched for the stake he had put in the inside pocket of his jacket this morning. Now it was his turn to further the rift in their relationship, which, that much was obvious, would be irreparable after they were done.

He threw a shard in her direction and as she ducked away from it, he swept closer to her and caught her arm with one hand, the other one directing the stake at her chest. Right where her heart was. The surprised and slightly scared look on her face when she felt the tip of the stake pressed against the fabric of her dress gave him a feeling of triumph. For a moment, he thought about driving the stake through her heart and just be done with it. Until…

Their eyes met in a shaking, clouded haze, blinded by rage and something else they did not want to define. He brought his face closer to hers, knowing that the physical nearness he forced on her would only infuriate her further. He felt her chest heaving against his own and her heartbeat was so loud and fast that every single one of them sounded like a drumbeat in his ears. His gaze slid down to her lips. They were trembling with fury.

"Let. Me. Go.", she breathed, unwilling to succumb to her fear of him killing her. He didn't even seem to hear it.

"Don't you _dare_ act like you weren't as responsible for what happened to Amanda as I was", he hissed, every word dripping with venomous spite.

Donna's eyes roamed over his enraged face and stopped when they spotted his bleeding lower lip. Without thinking, she wiped the blood away from his chin to taste it. Startled by her action, his grip around the stake loosened. This could be her one chance to get the upper hand again, yank the stake out of his hand and kill him. But somehow, she had no intention of getting space between her and him anymore, she was too busy fighting the urge to either rip his clothes off or rip him apart. To kiss him or yank his heart straight out of his chest to see how it could possibly still be there and beating despite all the cold and rotten darkness surrounding it.

The look he gave her fluctuated between deep-rooted desire and passionate hatred, a mix that seemed to be exploding like a powder keg any second.

They were torn apart by Jessica, who had rushed into the room, yelling "Get the hell away from each other!"

The stake fell out of Harvey's hand and onto the floor with a thud. Still trying to catch their breaths, Donna was the first one that got out of her rage. It was a terrible feeling, to realize what she and Harvey had almost done. What train wreck their relationship had become. What kind of toxic mess they were caught up in. Jessica exchanged a look with her and closed her eyes. Then she grabbed Harvey by the arm like a bold little school boy and started to drag him out of his office.

"We need to talk."

Harvey's stare caught Donna's while he was involuntarily leaving.

" _Don't you dare_ ", he repeated, and this time, his words had the intended effect. She slumped into one of the chairs and covered her face in her shaking hands. Her thoughts were circling through her head like a whirlwind that she couldn't calm down.

 _How?_

How did they possibly get to this point? How did they manage to destroy everything they once had in one night? How would Jessica be able to pull Harvey back from that edge? Could she convince him to not kill her the next time they saw each other? Did she even want Jessica to convince him?

They were probably on the roof right now, deciding about Donna's fate. And she wasn't even a part of this conversation. Again. It reminded her of when they left her in 1909 because again, she was the one left behind to pick up the pieces. In this case, also the literal pieces of glass spread all over the office floor.

Donna winced when she suddenly noticed something she had failed to hear before. She'd been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn't paid enough attention to her surroundings.

Someone else was here. Someone was breathing a few steps away from her. She gasped for air and caught the scent of the person standing in the office door.

It was Rachel.

"Now, let me repeat my question. And this time I want answers. _What the hell is going on here_?"

.

* * *

 **Slowly but surely, the flashbacks are reaching their first major climax. And so is the storyline in the present. I hope you're ready, 'cause shit's gonna go down in the next two chapters. Also, Harvey and Donna crossed a line in the past and are now crossing an entirely different line in the present, yay for symmetry, am I right? Bad humour aside, I struggled _a lot_ writing this chapter and especially the last scene because I know that canon Harvey and Donna would never physically attack each other. But they're vampires in this story, and the normal rules don't apply, so it felt like they needed to get to this point of not only emotional but physical destruction. Now that they have arguably reached their lowest point, they can finally let the healing begin. If they want to. And if they let me. Which they probably won't. I wish I could control my own characters. *dramatic sigh***

 **Do let me know what you think of this chapter, please. I'm kind of insecure about the choices I made (the time jump in the FB, Jessica's disagreements with Harvey etc.) and your opinions mean the world to me xx**


	5. Chapter 5: Feel What I'm Feeling

**_Sooooo, anyone remember this fic?_**

 ** _To make up for the long wait, you'll get the longest chapter yet. More than 15k. And so much plot, you guys. Honestly, there's so much plot._**

 ** _Warning: Violence and minor/major character deaths (depending on your definition of_ death _hehe)_**

 ** _Sounds fun, right? It is. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter x_**

 ** _Song: Got You On My Mind by NF_**

 ** _[just fyi: I did some research on vampire mythology and in this story, silver and blackthorn work as a compulsion blocker and poison to be used against vampires.]_**

* * *

 ** _Chapter Five: Feel What I'm Feeling_**

 _You let me be myself,  
_ _You don't control me  
_ _I got you on my mind, baby  
_ _I got you on my mind, I got you on my mind_

* * *

 **New York, 31** **st** **December 1899**

 **.**

"Are you telling me you haven't been outside of New York for once in your life?"

"I've been to New Jersey a few times."

Harvey closed his eyes. "I don't want to be seen with you anymore."

Donna chuckled. "Shut up."

"I'm serious."

"Fine, I'll just find another person to hunt with."

"Don't you dare", he murmured. They were walking through Edward Darby's mansion, a rich brit that moved overseas a few months ago and was suspiciously successful in every area possible. Jessica set them on the case right away and they were still trying to figure out if he and his clan were vampires or not. The meeting they just came back from hadn't made them any wiser.

"How is that possible? I don't understand how you haven't thought of leaving the city in all those years."

"Well, excuse me, not everybody is old as dirt and can live dozens of lifetimes."

"Did you just say I'm _old as dirt_?!"

Donna shrugged unapologetically. "You are."

"I thought you ran out of 'Harvey is old' jokes two years ago."

"And I thought you'd understand by now that I was never really given the opportunity to shape my life the way I wanted to, let alone be allowed to just get up and leave town on a whim."

He swallowed, realising too late that he just reminded Donna of how little control she's had over her own life. Instead of following his first instinct and apologise, he tried a lighter approach, asking: "Where would you go? Name the first thing that pops into your head."

"Austin", she replied immediately.

Harvey nearly fell over one of the sumptuous rugs that covered the floor. " _Austin, Texas_?"

"Why not. Could be a fun experience, right?"

"I hate you so much right now."

"God, you're dramatic. You said I should name the first thing that popped into my head."

"And you thought of Texas?!"

"They build a dam there. It was on the cover of _Scientific American_."

"What on earth is wrong with you?" He shook his head, but couldn't fight a smile.

Donna threw him a slightly annoyed glance. "Would you mind telling me why you are so tense?"

Harvey grumbled. "I don't like this Darby guy, he's…"

"A vampire?", Donna cut in mockingly, but lowered her voice since they were nearing the entrance hall and thus noisy Bertha, Darby's handmaiden.

"I don't think so." He held her surprised glance for a moment. "His behaviour does seem even more calculated than William's used to and he's definitely hungry for power, but he doesn't belittle humans; he persuades them."

"I understand what you mean." Donna gave Bertha a bright smile as they walked past her. "Until next time, Bertha."

The housemaid didn't even flinch. "With my luck, you two will be back before this year is over", she muttered under her breath. Harvey felt slightly intimidated by her, no matter how many times he visited Darby at his home. She made no secret of her dislike for him, Donna and Jessica, kept making judgemental comments about his and Donna's relationship and called Donna _Red,_ not to mention that the tea she made was too strong. _Way_ too strong. It tasted like she was trying to poison them.

He opened his mouth to throw something back at her, irritated by her discourtesy, but Donna was faster. "We won't be back until next year", she assured Bertha with a light laugh that made Harvey's chest tighten. "You have my word."

Bertha gave her one last dismissive stare before she turned around and left the entrance hall.

"I hope you have a good day, as well", Harvey yelled after her and winced when Donna hit him. " _Ow_. What's your problem?"

"If we want to stay in Darby's good graces, we must treat his servants as well as we possibly can", she hissed.

"I don't want to stay in his good graces, I want to know what the hell he is up to."

"And we'll never find out unless he trusts us enough to tell us."

Donna's posture changed the second they stepped outside the building and saw two carriages waiting for them. She yawned and stretched her arms behind her back, head tilted towards the sky, enjoying the last spare drops of sunlight with her eyes closed and an appreciative smile on her face.

Harvey took her in from the corner of his eye. He tried to _not_ glance at her exposed cleavage but found himself unable to do so. She chuckled. "Stop ogling, Mister Specter."

"Your eyes are closed, how am I supposed to believe you know what I'm looking at?"

Her lids flickered open and she caught his eyes with her own. "I know."

He scoffed. "Just get out of here, I'll see you tonight at the Vanderbilt ball."

Donna smirked and let her fingers travel across his chest as she walked past him. His entire body tensed up at the touch, the hair on his neck rising and her name already on his lips like a warning.

"Can't wait", she teased, throwing him one last glowing gaze over her shoulder. Harvey had never been as appreciative of her putting distance between them as he was right now. If she kept up this seductive behaviour of hers, he wouldn't be able to respect her request any longer. Especially in the past few weeks, he'd been having a tough time trying to understand the mixed signals she sent him, and respond properly to them, considering the deadline for her _other_ request expired today. They hadn't talked about her wish to be turned by him on New Year's Eve since she suggested it a few months back, which could only mean two things: Either she'd changed her mind and was waiting to tell him tonight or she expected him to do it in a few hours like he promised her. And as he watched Donna step into the carriage, her auburn hair radiating like fire in the warm sunlight, he wasn't entirely sure which one of the possibilities made him more anxious.

.

Jessica _hated_ waiting. And she _hated_ waiting for a conversation she didn't want to have even more. She clicked her heels against each other impatiently, showing Mr. Paulsen a thin-lipped smile. She didn't like the way he was looking at her, as if he couldn't decide whether to be attracted or repulsed by her, even years after they met still fighting the impulse to make a comment about her skin colour.

"I'm sure Donna will be here in no time", he said instead.

Jessica's smile grew even colder. "I'm sure she will."

"She's spending too much time at the house of that _cousin_ of hers anyway." He practically spat the words out. Jessica knew from her talks with Donna that James had never forgiven Amanda for leaving the family business to settle down and care for herself. With a male witch, of all people. He refused to say her name or talk about her more than necessary, and he certainly thought she set poisonous thoughts into Donna's head. Self-respect. Confidence. Independence. Self-worth. Thoughts a woman shouldn't have.

Jessica scoffed at that thought, forgetting that she wasn't the only one in the room. James Paulsen's eyes squinted. "Do you disagree?"

"No, I wouldn't question your— "

"I am so sorry to have made you wait, Jessica", Donna interrupted them by rushing into the room, her cheeks pink and the lively red hair messy from the freezing wind outside but her eyes sparkling nonetheless. They always did after her visits to Amanda.

Her father opened his mouth, undoubted to comment on the cause of her delay, but she forestalled him by kissing his cheek and thanking him for keeping her guest company. He made some inaudible grumbling noises and left the room to find out "where the hell Margaret is with the tea".

Donna let herself fall on the sofa and breathed out loudly. "I can't wait for the ball tonight."

Jessica raised her brows but stayed as stiff and quiet as she'd been ever since Donna had come into the room. The tense atmosphere quickly took hold of the space between them and made Donna twitch at her dress nervously. "So, why did you want to see me?"

Margaret slid into the room discreetly, pushing a small tea trolley in front of her. She answered Donna's smile with a nod and drew back while Jessica poured the hot liquid into their cups, fumbling around with the sugar and milk pots.

Donna reached over to take one of the steaming cups in her hands and eagerly brought it to her mouth, frowning because of the sweetness of it. It reminded her of something she'd been meaning to tell Jessica for weeks.

"I'm pretty sure Bertha puts blackthorn in our tea each time we have an appointment with Darby."

Jessica straightened her back and leaned forward, immediately worried because of a new possible threat despite Donna's accented nonchalant tone.

"How did you get that impression?"

The redhead shrugged. "I don't know, she seems to dislike us, and Harvey keeps saying that her tea is too strong for his liking." She laughed lightly. "Or maybe I'm getting paranoid, I mean even this tea tastes funny to me right now. How much sugar did you put into it?"

Jessica ignored her question and watched her take another sip before mirroring her movement and bringing her own cup to her lips.

"Donna, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why do you want to become a vampire?"

Donna's hand lost hold of the cup for a moment and it hit the saucer with a soft clink. She was surprised by the bluntness of the question.

"Did Harvey tell you?"

"He didn't need to tell me. You can read it all over his face every time he looks at you." Jessica's smile lacked all warmth. She was worried.

"Look, Jessica, I— " She took a moment to gather her thoughts, trying to remain calm; earnest. She knew Jessica wouldn't respect what she had to say otherwise. "I'm not going into this blindly."

"Then why do I have the feeling that you do?", Jessica's gaze was steady, too intense for Donna's liking. "Why do I have the feeling you and Harvey have _no_ idea what you're signing up for? Why do I think that Harvey turning you could be the beginning of _our_ end?"

"Maybe because you underestimate me", Donna shot back. She didn't appreciate being judged by a person so close to her.

"Your feelings are clouding your judgement."

"What do you think you know about my feelings?! Because I've thought about this step since the moment I met you two and back then, you were nothing more than a couple of strangers that I could use for my plan to separate myself from my family. Back then, I was already thinking about what I could do to free myself from a life I never asked for but was thrust into anyway. I just got lucky to have stumbled upon two vampires that I could actually identify with; that I felt safe enough with to know they wouldn't take advantage of me asking." The cold tone of her voice was betrayed by the redness of her cheeks. She was hurt. Jessica was taken aback by her words.

"If what you're telling me is the truth— "

"It is!", Donna argued angrily.

"Please let me finish. I believe you. But why didn't you ask us two years ago, or last year? Why now?"

Donna put her empty cup on the table, avoiding Jessica's eyes as she spoke. "It became harder and harder to sum up the courage and ask one of you the longer I knew you. I've been meaning to do it since the Bradley-Martin ball, but I always shied away from it because being with you, having you in my life felt like it was a enough for a long time. I thought that maybe I _could_ get the liberty I wanted while staying human after all. But it's been two years, and I'm still stuck here. Still hunting. Still dependant on people I don't want to depend on."

Jessica observed her carefully. "There is another reason, isn't there?"

She nodded, trying to ignore the tight limp in her throat. "It's my family, especially my father and brother. They are starting to behave like my uncle since my mother disappeared. They're starting to _be_ my uncle, and you know how merciless he is. He's incapable of seeing anything but the monster in a vampire, while I'm still able to see it all. Good and bad. I know meeting you changed my perspective on that, made me more open to the possibility of a vampire having human impulses and emotions, but with every year, my family drifts further away from me. I've never felt fully connected to them because their beliefs were always too radical for me but now I can barely stand being around them. I can't stand being judged for still loving Amanda, I can't stand being used as a toy in their never-ending war against another species that'll leave nothing but destruction and death behind. I can't stand having every step that I made observed, controlled and rated by men that have _never_ done anything for me in return."

"You really want this, don't you? And not just because of him?"

"This has _nothing_ to do with him, Jessica", Donna gave back, still with slight anger in her voice. "I want out of my family's legacy. I want to be free from the cage they've put me in since I was a child. It's not my responsibility to kill vampires. I don't want it to be. I _refuse_ to let this be my life any longer. And the only way they'll ever let me go, the only way they'll ever stop seeing me as one of their own, is this one. I can get out of this town, I'll be able to survive on my own, I could even cut the ties between them and Amanda to protect her and her family. I can't be free as a human, so I'll have to find a separate way."

"What if they find out you're a vampire?"

"I'll try not to let that happen, but even if they do, so what? They'll cut me out of the family the second I turn my back on them anyway, so how much worse could it get? The only thing that'd change would be that they'd see me as nothing but a monster, and the burden would be finally gone."

"What if they hunt you?"

Donna shrugged; her stubbornness would've amused Jessica if the topic wasn't so serious. "Then so be it. I can handle them. I learned from them _and_ from you. As a vampire, I'll have more power than a normal life would ever be able to offer me. I can decide my own fate. If I must choose between being human and being independent, I'll choose the latter."

.

When Harvey arrived at the Vanderbilt mansion and saw her standing only a few feet away from him, he froze. She must've felt his stare because she turned around a moment later and flashed him a smile so bright his chest started tingling.

"Good evening, Mister Specter", she said, tilting her head to the side as she came closer.

"You look— "

He swallowed. He didn't know what to say. There were no words to describe her. There was a humorous spark in her eyes, making them shine along with the diamonds on her dress. A beautiful black dress, showing way more of her porcelain skin than what would be considered appropriate.

"Oh, don't be silly. It's a special night, isn't it? I ought to dress up for it."

"Special why, exactly?", he teased.

She took another step toward him, a smirk playing around her lips. "As if you wouldn't know."

He grinned, moving his face closer to kiss her cheek. When he drew back, his nose brushed against hers for just a second and their eyes locked. "You're gonna be the turn of the millennium."

She shook her head, a laughter escaping her lips, asking herself how this man, equipped with the humour of a five-year-old, could make her heart race like no one she's ever known before. "You're impossible."

"Don't you mean ' _Tu es impossible'_?", he gave back with the best French accent he could pull off.

Donna cringed. "Harvey, we've talked about this. No more fake accents. Especially not the French one."

"It's my best one."

"It's _terrible_. You almost blew our cover the last time you used it."

"Tsk. _Impossible_."

She lightly hit him against the chest. "Will you stop it now? We should keep an eye out for Gloria instead."

"Gloria, as in the witch Gloria? Leader of the Laveau coven? What does she want from you?", he asked, confused by the sudden change of subject. He'd just arrived and she was already talking about some case again?

"I have no clue. She wanted to talk to me the other day, but I was with my father and couldn't speak freely. I'm supposed to meet her tonight."

Harvey looked over Donna's shoulder and saw most of her family standing at the other side of the room, staring daggers at him. He frowned. "Where's your mum?"

He could've sworn he saw a dark shadow sliding over her face. "Long story. I'll save it for another time."

His frown deepened. " _Donna_."

Her hands reached up to interdigitate behind Harvey's neck. The touch made his skin burn; goose bumps started spreading from his neck to the rest of his upper body. "Not tonight", she said and met his questioning eyes at last. "Please."

His mouth was incredibly dry, so he just nodded. Her hands disappeared from his neck and she showed him a smile that could make the sun ashamed, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"You remember our conversation in the summer?"

Another complete change of topic. What was going on with her?

"Could you be any less specific?"

Donna rolled her eyes. "The one about running away if things ever went south."

"You mean when you told me you wouldn't leave if Jessica didn't come, too?"

"Wow, you're still not letting go of that, huh?"

"Never", he said, biting his lip. "But what does that have to do— "

"We should make a list", she said bluntly.

"Listing what exactly?"

"All the places we want to visit before we die."

"I'm immortal."

"Fine, then all the places you want me to see before _I_ die", she sighed.

He frowned. "You're not gonna die."

"Says the man that wants to _turn_ me ton— "

"Will you keep your freaking voice down if I agree to do this stupid list thing with you?"

A satisfied smirk appeared on her face. "I will."

He couldn't help but smile back. "Good."

"Good." She interlaced their arms and headed to the bar. "Austin is my first."

"You are a terrible person."

Her bubbly laughter made his chest tighten. He couldn't wait spending eternity hearing it.

They were about to leave the entrance hall and enter the ball room when Donna's eyes caught Gloria approaching them.

"That's her", she hissed.

"I know what she looks like, Donna", he shot back sarcastically.

"Let me handle it." Harvey saw her look up at him, unsure if she had really thought this through. She'd been behaving very strange so far. "Please", she added.

He sighed, but nodded, letting her go yet carefully staying one step behind her.

Gloria's face lit up with an honest smile when she saw the redhead coming closer. "Donna Paulsen", she said, kissing her cheek.

"It's nice to see you again."

"Who's accompanying you?", the witch asked.

Harvey's brows shot up, utterly offended that the head of the most powerful witch coven in the entire state had no idea who he was. "Harvey Specter", he said with a thin-lipped smile.

"Of course. Jessica Pearson's right-hand man."

He kissed her hand and saw Donna trying to stifle her snicker from the corner of his eye. She seemed to find the fact that Gloria didn't recognize him hilarious. Well, if she was in such a good mood…

It took Donna a moment to realise that Harvey, now standing behind her again, had started humming _Gloria_ , not even bothering to keep his voice down. She gritted her teeth in annoyance, but quickly turned it into a satisfied smirk when she took a step back and found his foot with the sharp edge of her heel, causing him to inhale sharply and wince under the pain.

"You must forgive my surprise. I wasn't aware of your connection", Gloria apologised, her eyes going back and forth between Harvey and Donna. "A human and a vampire getting along like that is quite… unusual."

"Well, we've been known to keep the gossip alive and well in this town", Donna joked, earning herself a smile from the witch in return.

"You're a bright young lady, Donna. That's why I wanted to offer you my partnership."

Harvey stopped humming. _Now_ she had his full attention.

"I'm s-sorry", Donna stammered. "My father is in charge of all alliances. I'm not sure I'm allowed— "

"I have no interest in forming an alliance with your father, Miss Paulsen", Gloria cut in gently. "I seek an alliance with you."

"Just me?"

"You shouldn't think so little of yourself. Our coven believes we could achieve remarkable things together."

"Why would I want to work with your coven?"

For the first time since their conversation began, Gloria's voice wasn't warm and welcoming anymore. It was sharp. "I think you might be unaware of how much constant danger you are in these days."

Donna laughed nervously. "I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about." She exchanged a look with Harvey. "He wouldn't hurt me."

"I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about some of your own people. You should consider… leaving town for a while. I could help you disappear in the blink of an eye."

Harvey scoffed. For a minute there, he'd been genuinely intrigued by Gloria's idea, but now he thought she was just like all the other witches he'd met. All mysterious, _your life is in danger_ talk, zero action.

Donna apparently thought something similar, although she was smart enough to be politer than him. "I appreciate you telling me this", she said honestly. "And even though I see no immediate threat on my life right now, I would love to come back to your offer if I ever need it."

Gloria held her gaze for a long moment, then she nodded slowly. "It's your decision. Thank you for hearing what I had to say."

"Glooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ria. In excelsis de-ee-o", Harvey sang quietly in the background.

"Harvey, shut _the fuck_ up", Donna hissed. He gave her one of his Cheshire cat smiles in return and winked at the witch. She didn't know whether to hit or kiss that stupid smile off his face.

"Isn't it exhausting?", asked Gloria suddenly, her voice still laced with that unwavering severity. "Hiding behind a wall of sarcasm and overcompensation instead of letting yourself get lost in your desire? In what you really want?"

Harvey looked like she'd just hit him against the head, completely trapped in her intense stare.

"It must be a vampire thing, I guess. Suppression. Covering your feelings up with aggression. Giving into what you really want, tapping into the essence of who you are and embracing it, _that's_ what it means to be a witch. That's why cutting witches off their power is worse than death. It forbids us from being who we really are."

Harvey took a step back, mumbling something about getting himself a drink and retreating from the conversation so quickly he almost fell over his own feet.

"He's… quiet something", Gloria chuckled, watching him hurry away. Donna waved her hands apologetically.

"Oh, you don't know the half of it."

"How long have you two… you know?" Gloria had this weird habit of not finishing her sentences or make strange pauses in the middle of them. It irritated Donna more than the fact that she still couldn't decide if she was a potential enemy or ally.

"Oh, no", she said now, firmly shaking her head but feeling the blush creeping up on her cheeks. "We're not— ", she halted. "We're not _that_."

Gloria observed her, the gaze she was confronted with too intense for Donna to be comfortable. "Yeah, you are", she disagreed. "You may not be _there_ yet, but you are already _that_."

Donna didn't know what she found more disturbing: Gloria's inappropriate interest in their relationship or that despite her strange way of saying it, Donna knew exactly what the witch was talking about.

"I'm going to go look for him", she heard herself murmur. Gloria's face lit up. "That's an excellent idea, you go do that." She placed a warm hand on Donna's arm and the redhead could feel the energy coursing through the witches' bloodstream. "Tell me if you ever change your mind. And keep your eyes open."

Donna nodded, swallowing nervously. "I will. Thank you for your offer."

Gloria gave her one last, bright smile, showing Donna her perfectly shaped teeth, before sliding back into the room so elegantly it looked like she was floating.

Donna shook her head, feeling nothing but a confused overload of emotions.

Witches. _Freaking witches_.

.

The entire evening went along like a feverish dream full of rich dresses, joyful music and endless dance routines. For the first time in ages, Harvey and Donna didn't have a job to do, didn't have to watch over every move their target made, but _did_ have the rare opportunity to enjoy themselves. Even Jessica was visibly more relaxed, telling Harvey that the human/vampire war was "officially paused" for the night _because she said so_ , so they might as well drown themselves in whiskey and have some fun.

Harvey couldn't agree more. The alcohol and Donna's company made him feel light and reckless; a dangerous combination that naturally led to rash and bad decisions, but he didn't think of that tonight. Mainly because his decision of the night was already made: he would turn Donna after midnight. He really would make her the literal turn of the millennium and although she didn't know the specifics, she seemed to want to enjoy her last night as a human without any care about what happened tomorrow.

By the time there was only one minute to midnight left, Jessica had disappeared with a snobby aristocrat (that Harvey and Donna had previously messed around with; Harvey wondered if Jessica would find the cheese they had flipped into his hair while she was off somewhere making out with him), and Harvey and Donna were standing on a grand balcony on the 7th floor, yearning for some privacy after having been around hundreds of people for the last hours.

They'd snuck away from the party like a couple of teenagers, stealing a bottle of champagne and two glasses on their way out. Donna giggled when Harvey opened the bottle with a loud _pop_ and the cork flew against the brick wall of the building next to them. Beneath them on the street, the crowd began to count down from 20. Another chuckle escaped Donna's lips when Harvey managed to spill over both glasses, drenching the balcony in champagne.

10 seconds left. They clinked their glasses against each other and Harvey suddenly felt an overwhelming ache by just looking at the woman in front of him. "I'm really happy you're here with me", he whispered.

3…2...

"Me too", she gave back, all lightness drained from her voice, replaced by a sudden thick tension surrounding them.

1… Happy New Year.

Donna downed her champagne and pulled Harvey away from the balcony and into the dark bedroom. His glass shattered somewhere outside. They didn't even hear it.

Her body was pressed flush against his, only separated by her hand travelling up and down his chest. There was no light in the room, the only short flares of light being provided by the fireworks starting to explode in the sky outside.

"So, now what?", she whispered. Her voice was nearer than expected.

"Now what", he gave back, not really helping. He just couldn't think of anything else ever since she'd put her hand on his chest. He shifted closer to her, drawn to her like she was an irresistible force.

"You're drunk", he murmured, wondering how he could possibly be thinking about what _she_ wanted when he had very obvious needs himself right now.

"I don't care." He felt her breath on his lips and tried to catch her eyes, ignoring the vast warmth starting to spread through his entire body. She looked up at him, a flare of gold and blue light brightening her face, but her eyes stayed round and dark. "Do you want this or not?"

He nodded automatically. "Do you?"

Instead of answering, she closed the small gap between their mouths and kissed him, careful and curiously. His stomach fluttered when their lips met, as if his last wall was breaking down completely, and then his hands were in her hair, and ghosting over her cheek, and sliding down her waist before they settled on her hip. He let her dictate the pace, slowly taking in the feeling of their mouths meeting and trying to keep himself from groaning when her teeth grazed his lower lip, _because Jesus Christ, Specter, you're not 16 and_ that _desperate._

They had to come up for air eventually, parting from each other with ragged breaths and foreheads still touching, but it wasn't before he heard her small, genuine chuckle vibrating against his skin that he realized it was too late to stop. If she wouldn't push him away, he wouldn't let her go again. At least not tonight. That was the problem with finally, properly giving in and touching her: Once he started, he found himself unable to stop.

When they kissed again, it was more urgent, the build-up tension released and out in the open like a match being lit up, the want taking over, the heat causing them to undress each other clumsily and with intent, but somehow still taking enough time to take the other in. He nearly ripped her dress apart when he got so impatient with unhooking the _million_ claps on her corset, and the sleeve of his tux appeared to be Donna's most persistent enemy when she tried to take it off and fought with it for a solid minute. They managed to laugh through it, exchanging glances that fluctuated between slight awkwardness and the desire that managed to overpower everything else. Yet, Harvey still sensed more than he saw that there was something guarded left in her expression, something calculating, something that made him cautious not to take advantage of her, no matter how much she teased him with her touch.

Harvey was the one that stopped their movements when they were standing on the edge of the bed, looking for one more sign of assurance from her, forgetting that he couldn't see a bloody thing in the pitch-black darkness of the room. She used his unsureness to catch him off guard and smash him into the sheets, a soft laugh escaping her lips when she settled on top of him, nothing more than her silhouette visible for him when she leaned down to catch his mouth.

Harvey was the one that breathed in and out a few times when his lips reached her neck and he had to restrain himself from feeding on her. He couldn't say if her heartbeat quickened out of fear or excitement, but before the thought could settle he felt her hand move down his chest and his mind went blank, leaving no room for anything but her touch.

Harvey was the one that pulled back to catch her eyes when one giant burst of orange light made the entire room bright as day for just a split second, and finally found what he'd been looking for, in a moment she'd least expect it. A picture that'd be engraved in his mind centuries later to taunt him, how her eyes widened in surprise when he saw every little detail of her face, the white skin a stark contrast to her radiant hair. How she quickly moved her head forward and let said hair cascade down her shoulders to hide from him gaze. But he didn't allow himself to get distracted by her hair tips tickling against his bare chest, or her hands moving up his jaw.

Murmuring her name, he moved her locks aside to get a better look at her staring down at him, seeing her vulnerability in the glistening pair of dark eyes, the trust she put in him in that moment and that he gave her in return when he understood what was really going on. She allowed him to look behind her know-it-all façade and see _her_ , even though she was in the position of power at this very moment. Only now it hit him how intimate this moment was, why she'd been hiding behind her touch all evening and desperately avoided looking at him for more than a few seconds.

She'd been scared.

In any other circumstance, he would be running for the hills right now. But ironically, her fear of committing to this was the exact thing that lessened his anxiety. He wanted her to feel safe when she looked at him. He wanted her to know that he was all in.

When the darkness stretched into the room again, he felt her hands moving through the short sides of his hair before resting her elbows on the pillow beside his face, hesitantly bringing her lips to his, kissing him slowly and with a finality that made him finally let go and fully reciprocate.

The only thing he could think after that, over and over again, even when he managed to bowl her over and change their positions, making her giggle again before she bit his shoulder, even when she drove him so crazy that he shouldn't have been able to form a single thought, was that he couldn't do it. He _wouldn't_ do it.

He could never turn her and risk having her lose the part of herself that she just showed him. He could never let her lose that fragility that she refused to let anyone see because she thought it would make her weak when, in reality, it just made her human. And she might find that feeling unsettling, but Harvey knew from experience that it was precious, and to be kept at any cost.

.

Donna woke up, surrounded by darkness and a warm body to her left. It shouldn't feel different compared to every other time she'd experienced it before, but it did.  
She'd desperately tried to avoid making this any more intimate than it needed to be. Not because she didn't want to, but because it'd scared her so much to cross that line with him, and yet she knew it was long overdue. It would've happened eventually, and she'd thought that she'd feel less when she got to control when it happened and why it happened.

But of course, he didn't do what he was supposed to do. He had to catch the exact moment she let her guard down to just stare right into her freaking soul.

 _Damn him._

Donna sighed. She needed to get out of here. The last thing she needed was to wake up in the morning, curled into him.

She snuck out of the bed, slightly shivering when the cold air hit her naked skin. She got dressed quickly, trying not to glance at Harvey sleeping on the other side of the bed, a familiar sting of guilt settling somewhere deep inside her. Because seeing him in his peaceful slumber made her want to get back under the covers, snuggle against him and just _stay_ more than anything else. Stay for once in her life. But it wasn't fair. He shouldn't have this burden of trying to be with her despite her making it _so hard_ for him; this burden of turning her, and she'd seen him struggle with it for the last months. She knew it was selfish of her to ask him in the first place. Following a sudden impulse, her fingers brushed through is hair. She thought she could go through with it, but maybe she wasn't completely heartless, after all.

Donna quietly slipped out of the room and stepped into the even colder corridor, taking a deep breath. If her mind hadn't been so occupied with Harvey, she would've seen the man approaching her from the side way sooner.

"Neil?", she gasped when she finally saw him and tried to steady her racing heartbeat. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"My job", he replied coldly. Before she had a moment to react, he'd already slit her throat.

.

* * *

 _Sometimes I hold back from saying, 'I miss you'  
But I miss you_

* * *

 **New York, today**

.

It had been a few minutes since Jessica had said the four words that turned Harvey's world upside down. Four words that made his anger for Donna vanish in less than a heartbeat. Four words that turned his century-long insecurity and disbelief into the sad realization that he should never trust anybody but himself ever again.

" _I wrote the letter._ "

Just four words. And an entire relationship was forever changed. Well, two relationships if he was being exact. Because Jessica's confession affected his relationship with Donna as much as it affected his relationship with his mentor. It was so unfair, he thought. To be betrayed by the one person that had taught him what it meant to be loyal and have faith in each other in the first place.

"Does she know?", he finally asked, voice raspy and dangerously low.

Jessica nodded hesitantly.

"Since when?"

"Since the day she came back. She put it together by herself."

Harvey scoffed. There was something incredibly bitter tasting on his tongue. Of course she figured it out mere minutes after stepping back into their lives while he'd been here, spending _decades_ by Jessica's side and being too blind to see that the betrayal had been in right front of him all along.

"Let me guess, you two had a nice chat about it and laughed about how fucking stupid I am for not seeing it."

"You know that's not true. I told her because I was ashamed of what I did, and to get her to trust me again."

"And yet you never thought about telling me?!", he roared.

"I wanted to tell you almost every single day ever since I wrote it, Harvey."

He sneered at her, not believing a word that came out of her mouth. He was so shaken by her confession that he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. He was standing there in Jessica's office like an absolute idiot.

"Why'd you write it, anyway? I still don't understand that."

Jessica held his gaze for a moment, debating whether to tell him the whole truth or not.

"I had already written one a few days after her transition."

Harvey's jaw almost dropped, the anger licking on his insides like flames. "Are you fucking serious?", he whispered.

She kept talking, knowing there was no way back now. "I couldn't be sure that she wouldn't turn bad, or try to kill us, or turn against us because the loyalty she felt for her family was stronger than her loyalty to us."

"And you just kept it for all these years? Even after she ran away, even after she chose _us_ and had to pay the ultimate price for it? You were just waiting to use this against me?"

"I used it to save our lives and you goddamn know it! When Neil got her, I had to act quickly, and the letter was the first thing that came to my mind. So, I wrote another one, fitting the situation we were in." She paused, feeling the shame tightening her throat. "You wouldn't have left the city otherwise. I had to choose between you and her. I picked you."

"How could you— "

"I love Donna. She's one of the very few people I would die for without hesitating. But you're my family, Harvey, and I wasn't willing to give you up. Not even for her. I was desperate enough to delude myself into thinking she was dead, anyway. To make it easier for myself, I suppose."

"Do you even regret it?", he asked with another scoff.

Her eyes were stern. "Of course, I do."

"Bullshit."

"I know you won't believe me, Harvey. I know you might never forgive me for doing this to you, but I wanted to be honest with you and give you a chance to try." She stood up and flattened her dress, ready to leave the room and take care of the mess they left behind in Harvey's office. "And if you can't do that, then it's my fault. But maybe you can finally start forgiving Donna."

She was almost out of the room when he spoke once more.

"You didn't give me a choice", he whispered.

She halted. "Pardon?"

"When you said you had to choose between us you didn't even consider that _I_ had a choice to make as well, and you took it from me."

"What choice?"

"Choosing her over you."

"Oh, I was well aware of that."

"Then why wasn't I ALLOWED— ", he raised his voice again, the anger boiling under his skin, just waiting to break out.

"I was afraid of what your answer would be", she cut in, her voice wavering slightly. "Donna, her every _move_ , had gotten so unpredictable after she became a vampire, and so did your relationship with her. Most days, I couldn't predict what would happen next and that frightened me. Like I said before, I couldn't take the risk of losing you, Harvey. I couldn't take the risk of you staying behind and dying by her side when you could've been safe with me. I would've never forgiven myself."

"You're lying", he gritted through his teeth. "You manipulated me into leaving her behind, you left her to die because you were too scared of being alone."

Her smile had a sad tiredness to it. "I guess you could see it like that..."

"Oh, I _do_ see it like that." He came closer to her, his jaw clenching when he met her eyes once more. "And let me tell you something: We're going to go back to my office now, and decide what to do. _With Donna_ , since you suddenly care so much for her. But don't mistake me trying to survive with me giving a _shit_ about what happens to you next. Neil can rip your rotten heart out for all I care. And as soon as I'm done with him, I'm done with you as well. In fact,", he moved away from her and opened her office door, voice so cold and spiteful she felt every word pierce right into her heart.

"You're dead to me already."

.

"Rachel", Donna said, recollecting herself after the first moment of shock, bending over to pick up a few large shards from the floor. "You should leave, I'd hate for you to get hurt. There's glass everywhere."

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what happened here", Rachel threw back angrily and took a few firm steps into the office. The broken pieces of glass crunched under the weight of her body.

"I'm afraid that's none of your business." Donna straightened her back and met her halfway, careful not to slip on the smeared blood close to the office door. "And I hate that I have to do this. Please believe me when I tell you that I hoped it'd never come to this."

Rachel's dark went wide when she met Donna's, distinctly grabbing the necklace she was wearing. "You're gonna forget everything you saw here tonight, you're gonna forget about the curiosity you have for me and—"

Donna broke off the compulsion when her eyes followed Rachel's hand and settled on the necklace. "What the hell is that?"

Rachel quirked up a brow. "Family inheritance."

Completely taken off guard, Donna stumbled a step back, her head spinning with thoughts. "I've seen this symbol before." She swallowed. "You're related to Gloria. Who was part of the Laveau coven." She breathed out, the full meaning of her discovery only now hitting her with full force.

"You're a witch", she whispered.

"Yeah, no shit", Rachel responded dryly. "You're awfully surprised for a century old vampire that claims to know everything."

"And how long have you known I am a vampire?", Donna asked, trying to distract Rachel to keep her from attacking her. The young woman's posture was tense, preparing for a fight Donna knew damn well she couldn't win. She'd stand no chance against a descendant of Gloria.

"I've suspected it since we met. You weren't exactly trying to hide it. And then Harvey kept complaining about his age even though he doesn't look a day over 30. It's like you wanted me to figure it out."

"We didn't We just got used to humans being ignorant enough to fail seeing what's right in front of them." Rachel's lips twitched. "Guess I'm not ignorant."

"Guess not."

A tense silence followed, both women anticipating the other's next move, not entirely sure what to do now.

"What the fuck is she doing here?", Harvey spat, joining them in his office, Jessica a few steps behind him.

" _She_ just caught your secretary throwing you into a window and wants to know if you three plan on tearing this entire firm apart."

Harvey and Jessica were stunned for a moment, and Donna used it to jump in, ignoring their stares. "She's from the Laveau coven."

"Shit", Harvey muttered, looking to the side to catch his mentor's reaction. Jessica closed her eyes, three fingers pressed against her temple. It gave him an unpleasant feeling, the fear of being exposed creeping up on him, bringing back a _terrible_ set of memories and leaving him no other choice than to take action. He came closer, invading Rachel's personal space, mildly surprised she didn't step back.

"I guess that leaves us with only two options."

"She can't be compelled", said Donna and nodded in the direction of the necklace. She knew it was hollow and filled with blackthorn to protect her from compulsion and getting bit. Donna had to learn that the hard way back in the day as things with Gloria inevitably went south. Harvey didn't know any of that but after glancing at Donna and seeing her facial expression, he took her word for it. "I guess that leaves us with _one_ option then."

"You're not touching her."

"She's a threat. We can't just let her walk away."

"You're not touching her", Donna repeated, taking a step forward. Harvey's lips curled up in a dark, humourless smirk. "Watch me."

He reached for Rachel's neck, but the brunette brought him to his knees without even lifting a finger, eyes burning holes into the man at her feet, gasping for air. "I wouldn't do that again, if I were you."

"Rach…", Donna said nervously, shifting closer to her friend.

"Stay back", Rachel barked, her eyes squinting and causing Harvey's chokes to grow even more desperate.

"Rachel, you need to think this through." Jessica had finally shaken off her momentarily trance. She didn't even have to raise her voice above a bare minimum, her natural dominance seeped into the room without effort. Rachel's grip on Harvey loosened for just a second. The name partner took a step into the room. "He had no right to threaten your life, and I understand that you want to show him what you're capable of. You have. He's no match for you. You could kill him without breaking a sweat. But think of the consequences before you do it."

Despite his current near-death experience, Harvey managed to throw his mentor an annoyed glance at the nonchalant tone of her voice.

She ignored it, eyes focusing on Rachel, her stare keeping the other women in check. "If you kill him, I would come for you. I wouldn't rest until you were dead. You, Mike, Louis. Your parents. You'd put all of them in danger by killing him for disrespecting and underestimating you. Is it really worth it? Are _you_ underestimating _me_? Do you believe you can take me on as you did with him? Because I'm no fool, and I think you are well aware of that."

Rachel's eyes were still glued to the back of Harvey's head. He was cowering beneath her, fighting the terribly strong grip she had on him. It felt like someone set his lungs on fire and split his head open at the same time. He could barely hear Jessica's voice, everything blocked out by the white, loud noise of pain. He looked pathetic, Rachel thought. Maybe that really was enough for today. A warning.

"Rach", Donna whispered suddenly, reaching out for her arm but pulling back just as quickly when she saw Rachel's eyes snap up and meet hers. "Please… don't."

Her voice was barely audible, as if she was ashamed by even pleading out loud. She probably was. Weren't they about to kill each other earlier?

Rachel took a step back and let Harvey go. His hands met the floor with a dull thud, a hiss escaping his lips when a few shards cut his palms open. "Are you okay?", Jessica asked harshly.

"Not thanks to you." Harvey spat the words out with a cough of blood. He looked around, finding himself rather circled in by three women staring down at him like they wanted to skin him alive.

Bloody 21st century.

He half-crawled, half-stumbled to his sofa, letting himself fall on it with a dramatic grunt. Rachel straightened her back and looked at the redhead again.

"I believe you still owe me an explanation", she carried on with their conversation from earlier as if nothing happened.

"We're running." The words left Donna's mouth before she could re-think them. Jessica's head cracked around to look at her so quickly she would've definitely pulled a muscle in her neck if she'd be human.

"Donna", Harvey warned.

"Running from who?", Rachel pressed further.

"His name is Neil. He's a vampire hunter. And he's here."

Rachel's brows shot up. " _Excuse_ me?"

"God damnit, Donna", Harvey muttered.

"Listen, Rachel— ", Jessica began before sighing with annoyance because she could still barely move into the room thanks to the broken glass scattered over the floor. "Would you mind?"

Rachel seemed to think Jessica was joking at first. When the name partner didn't move she rolled her eyes. "Fine. But don't think you can make this a habit. I'm not here to clean up vampires' messes." She lifted her hands and the entire floor started vibrating with her power. Jessica, Harvey and Donna couldn't help but be impressed at the quick, effortless way the witch put everything back into place. In the blink of an eye, the giant window was fixed, the scotch glasses were placed back on the table, the blood disappeared, and Harvey's stack of files were sitting neatly on his desk.

The stake flew into Rachel's hand and she moved over to the sofa to give it to Harvey. "I believe this is yours?", she said coldly. Even from the distance Donna could see him grow red with shame as he took the weapon from Rachel, only to drop it on the sofa like it'd burned him a second later.

"So", Rachel picked up the conversation again. "You're telling me that not only you two", she gesticulated in Harvey and Donna's direction, "are trying to kill each other, but that there's a psycho vampire hunter in this town that wants to kill _all three of you_ , too?"

None of the vampires answered.

"Great. That's just great. I was looking forward to a calm weekend."

Harvey fought a chuckle. That girl had a dark sense of humour, he'll give her that.

"That's precisely why we were thinking about leaving", Donna murmured.

"And why haven't you?"

"Jessica wants to stay and fight the good fight", Harvey offered ironically, earing himself another glare from his boss. "That's not what I want to do. It's what both your behaviours _forced_ me to decide. Because we all know we can't be on the road while you two are fighting like cats and dogs and you can barely look at me without throwing a tantrum."

"Oh, and that's _my_ fault?", Harvey asked, face heating up.

"It's both our fault. But I chose this place for a reason! When we came here I was trying to build something for us", Jessica said. Her voice was getting louder with every word. "And I sure as hell didn't put my name on this goddamn wall just so we can run away again less than two months later!"

Harvey bit the inside of his cheek, refraining himself to carry on this useless fight.

"And besides", she went on, moving over to the small glass table and pouring herself a glass of scotch. "Neil enjoys the hunt more than the kill. He always has."

Donna nodded in agreement, starting to see Jessica's point. "If he kills us, he has nothing left. No family, no revenge, no purpose. It's too late to run away anyway, so maybe we should figure out his next move."

"And then what, he's just gonna breathe down on our necks for the rest of our lives?"

"No", Rachel interfered to everyone's surprise. "You lure him out."

Harvey scoffed, muttering "who invited her to the party?", but Jessica's lips curled up in a thin smile. "I like the way you think", she said commendatory. "Care to elaborate?"

.

"I still think this is a mistake."

"Shut up, Harvey", Jessica and Donna said in unison. Harvey groaned. "I'm serious. A safe house, really? What are, children? Hiding from the big bad wolf?"

"Having a safe house gives us an advantage over him. He can't get in unless we want him to, which means he can't surprise us with his attack."

"Great, and until then we hold hands and sing kumbaya."

Jessica glared at him. "We could use that time to talk thinks through." Harvey immediately shot her down. "We've talked enough."

"Harv— "

"So", Harvey cut in and turned his back on his mentor, focusing on the redhead and brunette walking behind them. "Which human did you compel to make this house 'safe'?"

"No one", Donna shrugged. "It's an old family house."

Harvey knew there'd been something he recognized about this place, he just couldn't wrap his head around it. Lost in thought, he climbed the steps leading to the front door. Donna fumbled around with the keys, fingers shaking slightly as she unlocked and opened the door. Harvey had a weird feeling in his gut.

Rachel was the first one to get inside, and Donna held the other two back when they wanted to follow.

"Wait, we need to be invited in."

"Umm, no offense Donna, but your entire family is dead."

"I know that, jackass, why do you think I brought Rachel?"

Rachel's mouth dropped. "You're kidding."

"Nope." A sly grin appeared on Donna's face. "I signed the lease in your name last week. You're the official owner of this house." She held up her hands when she caught the others staring at her. "What? I thought it might come in handy."

Everyone was quiet for a second. Rachel stood in front of three vampires in a house that was suddenly hers. Harvey couldn't believe that even after all these years, Donna never stopped surprising him. Jessica exchanged a look with Donna and gave her a nod.

"Nice work."

Donna shrugged it off. "I'd pop open some champagne, but I would need to be invited in first."

Three heads turned and were now staring at Rachel. "Right. Come in", she stammered, looking at all three of them, ignoring the small voice inside her that warned her to never trust vampires, and especially to _never_ invite them in her house.

It wasn't until Harvey stepped over the threshold that he realized why this building had felt so familiar to him. Despite the missing trees and beautiful roses that used to surround it, despite the modern terrace in front of the entrance, despite the change of colours of the bricks and obviously different interior, this was without a doubt… Amanda's home.

He could almost hear her laughter echoing through the hall and wave of longing and guilt washed over him, so powerful it caused him to freeze and his eyes to well up before he could help it.

"This— this is— ", he swallowed, catching Donna's eyes, his own pain reflecting in them. "I know", she said quietly. "I thought about telling you before we went here, but I feared you would've never come with us if you knew where we were headed."

Jessica and Rachel exchanged a look, not knowing what was going on. "Do you guys need a moment?"

Harvey blinked and cleared his throat. "No. I'm just gonna go take a look around." He showed them a fake smile that none of them bought. "Haven't been here in ages."

He was climbing the stairs before any of the three women had time to answer. Donna uncomfortably shifted from one leg to the other. "There's a blood stack in the fridge in case you're hungry. And real food of course", she laughed nervously. "I'm pretty sure I have some ancient witch stuff and hunter weapons hidden in this maze of a house, so I'll go and try to find them."

"Do you need help?", Rachel offered. Donna shook her head, the smile plastered on her face as fake as Harvey's had been a moment before. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. You two just go and check out the kitchen and living room, it's all pretty impressive. I'll catch up with you in no time." She quickly disappeared at the end of the corridor and Jessica and Rachel quietly agreed to follow her advice to go look for the kitchen.

.

When Harvey walked into the room, the sense of familiarity was overwhelming. Too overwhelming. He closed his eyes, trying to keep his breath steady, trying to keep these memories out of his head. Memories full of laughter and happiness and contentment. Memories turning into nightmares filled with screams, violence, blood and the over lingering feeling of death a moment later.

Trying to find a hold on something – anything, really – Harvey gripped the window still with his fingers, knuckles soon turning white from the pressure. He forced himself to look outside, where the gardens used to be. Adam used to stay outside for hours, his wife watching him from the balcony alongside Harvey and Donna, making fun of his passion but secretly loving how unbelievably _human_ he was. Harvey remembered the jealousy he'd feel when watching Amanda's husband, how satisfied he was with his little, negligible life, how his eyes would inexorably wander to Donna and rest on her face, asking himself if she'd been honest to him (and herself) when she insisted that she never wanted this kind of life.

Donna.

It all boiled down to her in the end, didn't it?

"I know you're there", he whispered without turning around, voice thick, coated with emotion. She didn't answer, quietly moving closer, joining him in front of the window.

"It's a shame they destroyed it. All of Adam's hard work. He'd be heartbroken", she said after a while. Mainly because she didn't know what else to say. "It would've fallen apart anyway, over time", he mumbled, eyes following a crow sitting down in a leafless tree. It was still very cold outside for late February. "Everything does."

She sneered at his poetic depression. "Yeah, well, it wouldn't've all burned to the fucking ground if it weren't for—" She bit her lip.

 _If it weren't for me,_ Harvey thought.  
 _If it weren't for us,_ Donna thought.

"Neil", she finally said out loud. "If it weren't for Neil."

Harvey nodded ever so slightly. What he wouldn't give to torture that bastard until he couldn't even remember his own damn name anymore. Just take him apart limb by limb, one for every bad memory; for every nightmare; for every bit of brokenness and pain and numbness that he felt inside; for every positive thing he poisoned with the aftermath of his actions; for all the 'what if's surrounding himself and Donna that he'll never get to answer thanks to Neil setting that relationship on fire and leaving them to deal with the ashes; for the fact that Harvey was on the brink of a fucking panic attack by just standing in this house, _in this room_ that should've been associated with nothing but good things and yet he felt the sadness cut through every bit of him with such force it left no room for anything else.

Harvey exhaled shakenly, trying to compose himself again but finding it incredibly hard considering where he was standing. Right next to him, a few feet to his right, used to be a crib. If he'd tilt his head to the side, he'd—

"Harvey", she breathed. He'd almost forgotten that she was standing on his left.

"Yeah?"

"We should go. We need to get out of this room."

He swallowed, breath still shallow, on the verge of tears. "Why?" He knew why.

"It's— ", her voice broke. "It's too much. It… hurts too much."

"I can't move." His voice was so quiet she almost missed what he was saying. He wouldn't be able to pull out of this on his own. She needed to be strong for the both of them right now, even if she didn't feel like it. A sentence Jessica said ages ago came back to her mind: "When one of us falls, one of the others is right behind them to pick them up. No matter why, no matter when. That's what it means to be a family."

"Yes, yes you can. I can."

Suddenly her hand was near his, ghosting over the seam of his suit jacket.

"We can. Together."

The touch went through him like a lightning bold. It didn't matter that she technically didn't even touch his skin. It mattered that, for the first time since she came back, there wasn't any violence in it. It felt like it did before the war, before the world had come crashing down on them without warning; it felt calming, familiar; _grounding him_ like nothing else could.

He gave her a firm nod, and her hand disappeared right away, leaving behind a cold feeling in his gut. Another way too familiar feeling, he thought bitterly.

"Come on", she said gently and made her way out of the room, stepping out of what seemed like a cloud of darkness surrounding them. He followed her without thinking. Didn't even flinch when she went from room to room, collecting weapons, herbs and ancient looking pendants from hidden places beneath the old parquet or behind the tapestry of a wall until finally dropping a heavy, dusty book into his arms.

They made their way downstairs quietly, moving closer to the voices of Jessica and Rachel coming from the kitchen. Harvey put the book down on the nearest table, seeing the witches' eyes fixating on it with awe. "Go ahead", he said, and she flashed him an excited smile before taking the book and opening it on a random page.

Jessica examined the weapons Donna had gathered. "Not bad", she muttered.

"Should be enough to hold of Neil."

"Should be enough to _kill_ Neil", Harvey corrected her coldly. Donna shrugged. "Knowing him, he won't come here without another trick up his sleeve."

"What are we supposed to do until then?"

"We prepare", Jessica said matter-of-factly.

"And then?", Harvey snapped.

"Then we wait."

.

Rachel was so busy studying every single page of that absolute treasure of a book that she didn't even notice how much time went by. When she moved from the kitchen to the living room, the clock on the wall said it was almost 5am, meaning it was close to dawn already and they were still waiting for Neil to show up. She marked a page holding the spell she just found and closed the book with loud thud, causing all three vampires to jerk and stare at her.

"Sorry", she whispered.

Donna's eyes went back to the window she stared out of, watching the grey sky getting brighter by the minute. Harvey's eyes were focused on the open front door, Jessica watched over the locked up backdoor.

"Are we sure he's even coming?", she asked.

"He will." Rachel frowned at the certainness in Jessica's voice.

"How can you be so sure?"

They were interrupted by a noise outside. Jessica gave Rachel a wink and pressed a stake in her hand.

"Showtime."

Rachel's eyes widened. "Great. I think I'm gonna be sick."

"If you throw up on my shoes, a vampire hunter will be the least of your problems."

Harvey had slowly gotten closer to the door. He reminded Rachel of a predator, just waiting for his victim to show its face. Donna had gotten up from the sofa and stood in the middle of the room, frozen like a statue.

A shadow appeared in the flash of an eye, trying to get into the house, but unable to cross the threshold. It took the vampires a few seconds to recognize the man standing in the dimly lit entrance, obviously pissed off that he couldn't get in.

"You've got to be fucking _kidding_ me", Harvey groaned.

" _William_?", Donna asked, completely flabbergasted.

"Donna. Nice to see you're still alive."

"Wish I could say the same thing", Donna gave back dryly.

"You", Jessica breathed, moving closer to the door, shoving Harvey out of the way in the process. " _You're_ working for Neil?"

"Let's say I'm working _against you_ and thus _with_ everyone that does, too." William's eyes narrowed down on her. He hadn't lost his arrogant but charismatic appearance. "Jessica. You look good. Especially for someone that breathes betrayal."

She didn't let go of his eyes, challenging him. "You would've done exactly the same thing."

"That's where you're wrong. I would've never turned on my people to save my own skin."

"I protected my family. No matter what it cost me. And you would've done it too, for your vampires. Your community was your family."

"And your family was Harvey." There was a hint of anger in his voice. "It could've been different, you know. I offered you a place in my family. As one of my own. As my equal. But you couldn't let go of Harvey, so you chose him."

"I will always choose Harvey, William." Jessica's voice was steady, the words slipped out of her mouth with such ease that for just one second, Harvey wasn't mad anymore. Right in this moment, as his gaze landed on her face, it hit him how much she'd always given up for him, and how she would continue to put his needs above her own.

"But you knew that the second you met me. I'll choose him over everyone and everything. It's just the way it is."

William and Jessica exchanged a look. Despite their differences, they still understood each other without saying a word. "He'll be the end of you one day."

"I know", she answered. "But today is not that day. I'm going to enjoy killing you."

Harvey's fingers twitched, and William's eyes focused on him. "I'd be careful with what you'll do next, Harvey."

"Or what?"

"I'm just saying, before you think of doing something… _irrational_ " His lips curled up into a dirty smile that made Rachel shiver. "You should know that Neil wanted me to give you a message. He had to leave town unfortunately, but he left behind a gift for you."

"I don't give a shit", Harvey barked impatiently. "If he's so much of a coward that he can't even show his own face and sends his vampire bitch here instead to do his dirty work, then I truly don't give a shit if he bought me a whole country or not."

There was a dangerous sparkle in William's dark eyes. Donna felt herself tensing up, eyes wandering to Jessica, who had a similar posture. Their eyes met for less than a second. Donna nodded.  
"Oh, you're gonna give a shit about this, Specter." William grabbed something out of their eyesight and dropped a body over the doorstep like it was a bag of dirt.

Harvey froze, eyes glued on the women lying beneath him. His stomach twisted. Her body was covered with barely healed, gaping wounds, a stake buried deep in her chest. A note was pinned right beneath it, reading _Game On_. Her brown hair framed her small pointy face, looking even darker than usual, making her porcelain skin seem like it'd been painted with ash. He found the stillness of her body the most upsetting thing, how nothing more than a grey and lifeless corpse with weirdly black looking veins was left of a woman that used to be so _alive_. A woman he was supposed to call hours ago to let her know he wasn't leaving. A woman that obviously came looking for them, worried when she didn't hear anything back from him. Another name on an endless list of people that'd gotten killed because of him.

Harvey's vision blurred, mind consumed by shock and hatred and, worst of all, guilt. He barely heard Jessica calling his name. He was as quiet as Scottie, lying stiff and statuesque in front of his feet.

Donna couldn't stand seeing him like this. She found it unsettling. Jessica seemed to be at a momentary loss with the whole situation, which Donna found even more unsettling. Rachel was utterly confused, but smart enough to keep her mouth shut. Harvey had threatened to kill her once already, she didn't want to provoke him into trying it again.

When Harvey finally teared his gaze away from Scottie's dead body, his eyes focused on William, still standing in the doorframe with a smug and satisfied look on his face. "How's that for a surprise, eh?"

Harvey's stare was calm and steady. Deadly. Jessica saw him tensing up, reading it as a sign that he was getting ready for a fight she couldn't prolong any longer. Her fingers wrapped around her stake as she yelled " _Alcott_ ".

There was a moment of confusion when William and Harvey turned around, thrown off their game for a second, and before they could even move as much as a muscle or realise that it was a code word, Donna and Jessica had already made their move, jumping outside and attacking their enemy to push him off the terrace. Jessica missed his heart by an inch, cursing out loud.

Rachel watched the entire scene unfold in the matter of seconds, somewhere between fear and sick fascination. She'd never seen a proper vampire fight before, everything happened _so fast_ that it made her head spin. That's why it took her way too long to understand William had lured them outside because there was a freaking _army_ of vampires waiting for them.

Jessica, Harvey and Donna quickly got caught up in a brutal fight, standing with their backs against each other, each taking on at least three vampires at the same time. Harvey had grabbed a hatched before rushing into the fight, while Donna fought with a crossbow and took out the vampires further behind. Jessica had pulled out a magnificent stake with carved-in seals that shined silver in the dim light, taking out more vampires alone than Harvey and Donna managed to do combined.

They were perfectly in sync, making no visible mistakes, moving efficiently and effortlessly. Moving as one.

Donna's mind was strangely calm, and in deep concentration. Nothing mattered, nothing _existed_ right now outside of the circle she, Jessica and Harvey were trying to fight their way out of. It was like riding a bike. Except that Donna had been fighting vampires since she was 10 years old and had only learned how to cycle in the 1920s, so even that embarrassingly human comparison didn't describe how easy it was for her to get back into fighting. Fighting just felt natural, like something she was born and supposed to do. Fighting alongside Harvey and Jessica however still, after all this time, felt _right_. Like something she wanted to do. Something she _chose_ to do.

And she had missed it. Missed the thrill of being one step away from certain death, the thrill of giving a damn about what happened to the people next to her, people she blindly trusted with her life. Missed having Harvey on her left and Jessica on her right, like always. Missed feeling something beyond anger and numbness. Putting all their drama aside and being a part of something bigger, something more important.

Next to her, Harvey's hatchet missed a vampire's head. Cursing underneah his breath, Harvey tried to yank the weapon out of the vampire's flesh. "Donna—"

Before he could finish his request, Donna had blindly thrown him a dagger and carried on fighting the vampire in front of her. Harvey smirked, the sharp weapon entering his opponent's body in the next moment, piercing through his heart. He went down with a howl and Harvey roughly kicked him aside to have more room and behead the next vampire that came running towards Donna.

She needed another weapon for the hand-to-hand combat. She didn't even have a chance to voice her thoughts, too busy catching the freaking _machete_ that Jessica hurled over. "Bow", Jessica barked, and Donna followed her order immediately. It took her a moment to adjust to the new weapon, to move her hand forward to attack instead of keeping it steady to shoot. A dark-haired vampire used her momentary weakness to rip into her flesh and try to tear her heart out.

Jessica shot a stake into his throat and he stumbled into Donna, coughing blood on her dress. "Really?", Donna groaned, ripping his heart out and saving Harvey from a female vampire by beheading her before she could push a stake through is chest.

"Not bad for a woman your age", Harvey quipped. "Shut up", she yelled back, feeling dizzy and overwhelmed with adrenaline, fighting a grin.

"You two, concentrate", Jessica gritted through her teeth, missing the eye of a vampire by a few centimetres. Donna pressed her back against both of her partners for more stability, flingers clenching around the machete. The rain that had started to set in a while ago made it harder to see and the ground she was standing on was too slick for her liking. The strong wind was another disadvantage, making it harder to hear what Jessica and Harvey were doing. She squinted her eyes, feeling her strength wavering and her reflexes slowing down.

A sharp noise cut through the air, making all three of them flinch. Apparently, William had finally decided to join the fight. By fighting dirty. And shooting bullets at them.

"Son of a— ", Harvey was cut off by another bullet, this one hitting his arm. " _ **Bitch.**_ "

"What's going on?", Jessica yelled through another strong breeze, the heart of her latest victim still in hand.

"He's shooting with freaking silver bullets", Harvey hissed. His right arm went limb right away, the bullet burning through his flesh, making his blood boil painfully. On his right, Donna swiftly decapitated two attackers with one stroke – she was starting to really appreciate the machete – and saved them some time to examine Harvey's wound.

"Donna, you need to keep fighting", she heard Jessica say. Donna ignored her, eyes narrowing on Harvey's injury. "Hold still", she ordered. "I need you to have my back."

He nodded, but she saw his concentration dwindling as the poison from the bullet fully set in, the silver pumping through his blood stream like acid. She needed to get that damn bullet out _fast_ , or he wouldn't even stay conscious long enough to see them lose. She turned to the side and grabbed his arm, her fingers intruding in his flesh.

Harvey fought the impulse to yank his arm away from her, grabbing the crossbow from Jessica instead, giving her the hatchet in return. He managed to take out a vampire before she got her hands on Donna, his shaking hand almost dropping the crossbow in the process.

"Hold on, I'm nearly there", Donna mumbled, running her left hand over his bicep in soothing circles. His mind was fogged with pain and distracted by her touch, and when he managed to grasp the thought that her shifting her full attention to him and not to their attackers, literally turning her back on them and thus breaking their small circle and making them vulnerable, was a fatal mistake, it was already too late.

"You need to keep fighting", he repeated Jessica's words, panicking.

"I almost got it." He felt her thumb and index finger closing around the bullet in the next second, boldly just _ripping it_ out of his arm. He could barely shoot her more than a relieved smile, interrupted by Jessica's " _NO_ " and another shot piercing through the air.

Donna's entire body went stiff as she fell over. William's bullet had cut right through her spine. Harvey's mind was still clearing, still trying to catch up with everything that happened, trying to comprehend how they went from stepping into Amanda's home to seeing Scottie's body, fighting dozens of vampires, being shot and now seeing Donna lying paralyzed on the ground in less than 8 hours.

Behind him, Jessica was still fighting, like a desperate lion backed into a corner, unwilling to stop. Harvey was already preparing to die right where he stood, helplessly staring down at Donna, knowing they were outnumbered and forgetting the one person that had been noticeably absent from the fight until now: Rachel.

Later, Rachel would insist that it took her so long to gather and prepare the right ingredients for a spell she found in the dusty old book and had therefore never tried before. Harvey would insist that she'd just been waiting for the right moment to show off.

The first thing Harvey and Jessica felt was her presence. Rachel stepped outside the house and everybody's head turned to look at her. She was radiating with a checkless wave of power bounded to her body, and when she finally moved her hands up and let it loose, every vampire except Donna, Harvey and Jessica caught fire.

Jessica used the moment of shock to leap forward and cut off William's head with a small, merciless smirk. "How's _that_ for a surprise, eh?", she whispered, repeating his words from earlier as she watched both of his body parts burn.

Harvey had turned away from the scene the moment he knew they were safe. He knelt besides Donna and turned her on her back. "Are you okay? Can you hear me?" Her eyes were open, but there was no movement in her face.

"Jessica", he whispered, and then, when she didn't answer, he started yelling. "Jessica! Get your ass over here, god damnit, we need to take that bullet out and carry her inside."

He turned back to Donna. "Don't you dare die on me."

He could swear that her eyelid twitched disapprovingly at his words.

"That's the spirit."

.

They laid Donna down on the big table in the living room that Rachel had hurried to put a blanket over. Harvey carefully placed Donna's head next to a wooden bowl, his fingertips lightly brushing over the edge of her hairline and her temple, ignoring Jessica's eyes.

"Can you help her?", he asked Rachel. The witch nodded hesitantly. "I can surely try."

"Witches blood should enhance her chances of fully healing. Especially from a witch as powerful as you", Jessica said.

"Yes, it will. But there's a few other things I want to try, just to make sue she'll be okay. She had the bullet inside her for too long."

Harvey flinched slightly. "I took it out as soon as I could", he said quietly, attempting not to sound too defensive. "I know." Rachel's stare was steady. "I wasn't blaming you." Harvey nodded.

"We should take off her dress, at least partly, so I can put _this_ ", Rachel gestured towards the bowl, "on her wound to quicken the healing." Her eyes narrowed on Harvey again. "You should probably go into the kitchen and drink some blood. This will take a while and you look like hell."

Harvey knew she wanted him out of the room to withhold him from seeing Donna's body without her consent. He had a snarky reply on the tip of his tongue, something along the lines of having seen (and touched) a hell of a lot more than just her back, but he kept quiet and headed to the kitchen, knowing she was right. He heard Jessica and Rachel exchange a few words as they moved around the room, relocating chairs and placing items on the table.

He sighed and went over to the fridge to get himself a blood bag, fully aware that Jessica purposefully kept her voice as low as possible, so he couldn't eavesdrop. The blood made his dark thoughts and worries disappear in the next moment and he gave himself the luxury of to just revel in it, to appreciate how good it tasted and how quickly it healed the wound on his arm. He took off his jacket that was drenched in blood (most of it not his, thankfully) and dropped onto one of the kitchen chairs with a low grunt, closing his eyes and taking another sip of blood.

In the room next to him, Jessica watched Rachel levigating a variety of herbs between her fingers before they joined the strange – and slightly disgusting – mixture of ingredients they had gathered in the bowl under Rachel's supervision. The witch mumbled a few unintelligible words that Jessica recognized as Latin and cooled the appearing flames off with some water. The bowl was still steaming when Rachel reached inside to smear some of the greenish paste on Donna's wound, still muttering a complicated spell.

"You're a natural", Jessica commented when she saw Donna's skin beginning to heal.

Rachel didn't answer, gently turning her still unconscious friend on her back and grabbing a knife from the table to cut open her wrist. Her hand was shaking when it hovered over Donna's face, bringing her arm down on the vampire's lips, praying to a god she didn't believe in that a few drops of her blood would be enough to make Donna wake up.

"You seem nervous."

"Wouldn't you be?"

"I don't really get nervous anymore."

Rachel turned around to look at Jessica. "Because you've been alive for…?"

"More than 350 years? Yeah, probably." Jessica tilted her head and observed the young woman in front of her. "Over time, you tend to forget what it really feels like to feel."

"That sounds terrible", Rachel offered.

"Over time, you get used to that as well." Jessica gave her a small smile. "You did good today."

"Day's not over. In fact, the day is only just beginning", Rachel said, her head bobbing toward the huge window on her left where the sun was slowly rising. "In a few hours, we have to go back to work."

Jessica hummed. "Maybe you should take the day off. You've certainly earned it."

"And tell Mike what?", Rachel laughed. Then, her face fell. "Shit. Mike." She hurried over to her handbag and took out her phone, seeing a dozen of worried texts and even more calls from her fiancée. " _Shit._ "

She was about to call him back when Jessica's hand appeared on her arm, causing her to look up and meet her bosses' eyes. "You can't tell him." Her voice left no room for arguing.

"I have to", Rachel whispered. "We don't have secrets from each other."

"Does he know you are a witch?", Jessica asked, her brows raised.

"He does. We wouldn't even be together if I weren't a witch."

"And why's that?"

"No offense, Jessica, but I hardly believe that is any of your business."

"Fair enough", Jessica retreated. "But you need to keep this to yourself. At least for a while. For the sake of your relationship."

Rachel raised her brows, genuinely surprised. "I… didn't know you cared that much about me and Mike."

"I don't", Jessica gave back dryly. Rachel couldn't help but answer that with a smirk. "But Donna cares a lot about you and I haven't seen Harvey care as much about a human since that one redhead stumbled into his life 120 years ago."

Rachel hummed. Now that she knew small pieces about their history, she was eager to learn more about how Harvey, Jessica and Donna all met each other. "So, when they met, was it— "

"–the second they saw each other, yes." Jessica grinned. "At least for him."

"She didn't feel the same way?"

"I'm sure she felt something, but she wasn't stupid. She fought it for quite some time."

"Are you saying they've always been like this?", Rachel groaned at the thought, earning a small chuckle from Jessica. "Well, they certainly fought less at the beginning. But everything else, yes. It's rather frustrating to look at."

"So they never…?" She was interrupted by Harvey coming back into the room, two blood bags in his hands. He threw one in Jessica's direction and she thanked him silently.

"Did she not wake up yet?"

Rachel shook her head. "She should at any moment, though."

Harvey held her gaze for a moment. "Thank you. You know, for today."

"I did it for her."

"I know… still, thank you."

He took a breath and prepared himself for what he had to do next. "As soon as Donna is awake, I'm going to take Scottie's body and burn it." He avoided Jessica's eyes. "It's what she'd want, I guess."

"Harvey— "

"I don't want to hear it."

Harvey was just about to wrap Scottie in a blanket when he saw Donna move slightly from the corner of his eye. Him, Jessica and Rachel got closer to the table immediately and watched her opening her eyes, startled to have so many people looking down at her.

It took her a moment to find her voice.

"Oh crap", was the first thing to come out of her mouth at last.

Jessica's lips twitched. "What?"

"That was one of my favourite dresses."

.

 _Dear Harvey,_

 _If you're reading this, I'm dead. My bad. (If not, then our next conversation is going to be_ very _awkward). Don't take this personally, but I'm pretty sure at least part of it is your fault. But I don't blame you. We've been through so much together, you and I, especially considering what a broken piece of shit you were when we first met, and even though you still are, I'd like to think that I did manage to inspire you to be better at least a little bit._

 _We always knew that this would end bloody, that one of us would die bloody, and I just hope that you surviving me will mean something to you. Maybe it'll finally let you see that you deserve a better life than the one you allow yourself to live. Maybe it'll not only inspire you to_ be _better, but to_ look _for something better as well._

 _If not, I'm coming back to haunt your ass. You can bet on it._

 _It's been one hell of a ride for me, Harvey, and I'm glad you were such an important part of it._

 _Yours,_

 _Scottie._

Harvey folded the letter and put it in the envelope he'd found besides Scottie's body with shaking hands, desperately trying not to cry. He stared at the 'H' written on the front of it, tracing Scottie's handwriting with his thumb, wishing he could trade places with her, if only to keep himself from ever feeling anything ever again.

It'd taken all of them until the evening to clean up the house and front yard, burn Scottie and gather up enough strength to face their normal lives again. They've decided to go back to the firm eventually, making up a story about some team-building exercises they spent their day with, which Hardman finally bought after Jessica had argued with him for 30 minutes.

Louis and Mike didn't buy a word of what she said, but Harvey honestly didn't give a shit. They were Rachel's problem, and she'd promised the three vampires to keep their secret. For now.

Harvey put the envelope in his top drawer, locking it right afterwards. His eyes drifted to the other one still placed on his table, fighting an inner battle with himself. Should he open it or not?

Donna approached him gently from the glass door. "Harvey."

He closed his eyes. He couldn't stand the sound of her voice, how much emotions it brought back in the matter of seconds, how much it reminded him of the strength she used to give him no matter what happened.

"I'm so— "

"Save it", he cut in, sharper than intended but it was the only way he could keep himself from fully falling apart.

She nodded, deciding to accept his detachment from her in that moment and move towards the big glass façade she smashed him into less than 24 hours ago instead. It felt like a lifetime ago and she couldn't help but wonder when it would all stop being so overwhelming, when her world would stop crumbling every single day before she even had time to rebuild it again. Would she ever have time to fully heal and move on? Or would she end up like Scottie, dying for a cause that initially hadn't even been hers but that she somehow got caught up in?

"At least— ", she faltered, observing her hands nervously fidgeting with themselves in the reflection of the window. "At least her death could mean something."

His head shot up, his gaze almost burning a hole in her back. She didn't move, still pretending to look over the Manhattan skyline. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?!", he scoffed.

Donna shook her head and bit her lip. "I'm just saying, at least she _chose_ to go out this way. It didn't feel pointless like when— "

She couldn't even finish the sentence, her throat suddenly too tight to let anything other than a shaky breath through.

Harvey's nostrils twitched, he stood up from his chair and picked up the envelope from his desk, fingers now tracing the 'J' written on the front. "It felt just as pointless to me." His voice was still cold. Donna was able to see the brokenness in his posture anyway, even now that he started moving in her direction.

He wouldn't allow her to give him her sympathies for losing Scottie, and she respected that. But she had more to apologise for and perhaps tonight, after everything they've been through today, was the right moment to start.

"I'm sorry", she whispered, not daring to look at him, partly hoping her voice would be quiet enough for him to overhear it. Harvey froze midmovement.

"For what?"

"For bringing _her_ up." She swallowed. When had he gotten so close to her? "Amanda. I know she was my responsibility, and I know what happened to her was my fault. It wasn't fair to throw her name in your face to hurt you yesterday."

His eyes caught hers in the reflection, and for a moment it looked like his hand was reaching out to touch her arm. She breathed out when he reached for his suit jacket instead, not sure if she felt relief or disappointment.

"I'm sorry, too."

She gave him the hint of a smile. "For what?"

"For being the way that I am."

It came out of his mouth with such ease, like he'd made his peace with hating himself a long time ago and it hurt her more than any accusation or threat he ever attacked her with. It hurt her enough to turn around and take one step closer to him.

"You don't have to apologize for that."

A wry smile appeared on his face when he threw the jacket over his arm, not ready to come closer and meet her halfway. Not today, not yet.

"Then why do I feel like I do?", he murmured before quickly walking out of his office, the envelope still pressed against his chest.

His feet carried him all the way to Jessica's office and he pushed open the door without knocking.

Harvey barely gave her time to look up from her files and say more than his name before he slammed the note on her desk. Her stomach turned when she met his dark eyes and saw the storm of emotions roaming all over his face. Her hands were shaking when she opened the envelope and unfolded the thick piece of paper inside, instantly recognising the hand writing.

 _Jessica,_

 _Consider my debt as paid. And kill that son of a bitch the next time you see him._

 _S._

Jessica's lips twitched involuntarily. She may have had her disagreements with Scottie over the past decades – mainly because of Harvey – but she'd always respected her bluntness and strength. She looked up again and met Harvey's angry and determent stare.

"She died because of you. We're staying because of you. You better make sure it'll all be worth it in the end."

"Harvey– "

"Don't think this changes anything."

This entire exchange painfully reminded her of a fateful night in 1900, and she knew what would happen next.

"Harvey please— "

He was gone before she could finish. It was probably better this way, she thought. She didn't know what she was supposed to say anyway.

.

* * *

 _ **This chapter includes one of my favourite lines of the entire fic aka when Harvey tells Donna "You're gonna be the turn of the millennium". I'm forever grateful that it came to my mind, sitting next to my friend at a bus stop in Strasbourg and writing the scene, because if one thing is 100% clear to me, then it's that Harvey would make the most stupid joke about that exact same thing.**_

 ** _I went through lots of ups and downs writing this huge-ass chapter, so I hope you liked it. I told you shit was gonna go down. As always, thank you for your amazing reviews, for every like and comment, and for stilll being interested in how this story will unfold in the future._**

 ** _Have a nice holiday and I'll see you next year for more pain and angst xx_**


	6. Chapter 6: Save My Soul At Any Cost

_**First of all, I'd like to thank all of you for your reviews! Almost everyone I've talked to thought chapter five was the best one so far, which made my heart burst with pride. I'm paying you back by giving you the longest chapter yet. With a flashback that made me cry several times while I was writing it. Welp.**_

 _ **Warning: The flashback is**_ **very** _ **long, dark and deals with heavy topics, and the present time is way shorter, all plot driven and basically one huge scene of dialogue, so the pacing is**_ **terrible** _ **and I'm dropping way too much information on my poor readers. But I still kinda love the chapter, because it's exactly what it's supposed to be: a wild ride.**_

 _ **Are you guys ready to find out who Neil is? Cause you're gonna. I'm so excited to read your reactions. Yelling and cursing at me is allowed.**_

 _ **xx P.**_

 _ **Song: Beautiful Crime by Tamer (aka a freaking masterpiece)**_

 _ **[fyi: 'Storyville' used to be the red-light district of New Orleans]**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter Six: Save My Soul At Any Cost**_

 _We fight every night for something  
When the sun sets we're both the same  
Half in the shadows,  
Half burned in flames_

* * *

 **New York, January 1900**

.

In the first second, all he heard was the sound of her silent chokes somewhere outside the room. He was awake and at the door in the blink of an eye, only stopping to put on his shirt and trousers.

In the next second, all he discerned was her smell, that aroma of vanilla, roses and calves, overlain by something thicker, something his senses immediately responded to, a scent so horribly familiar it made him freeze on the spot, hand on the door knob, unable to open the door and see what he already knew deep down inside. To see what made him feel sick to his stomach and dared to tear his entire life apart.

In the fourth second, the first thing Harvey _did_ actually see when stepping into the dimly lit corridor was her hair, spread across the emerald carpet and lacking its usual radiant colour, reminding him of the last spark of a dying fire glimmering between the ash. His eyes roamed over her body, from the distorted position of her legs to the dark wet stains on her black dress before finally fixating on the gaping wound on her throat.

Three more valuable seconds went by while Harvey just stared at her, seconds he later wished he could get back to change everything, to change her fate and therefore to change his, as their fates had been bound to each other from this moment forward. Seven seconds since he'd woken up, seconds that altered _everything_ , seconds of doing nothing that would inevitably cause him to hate himself for the rest of his life.

Eight seconds. There was blood _everywhere_ , but especially around her head, seeping into the carpet and mingling into her hair, sticking her strands together, and all he could think was that she would _hate_ that, she would hate if anyone ever made a mess of her hair, and she would scold him for merely looking at it.

In the ninth second, he heard her voice. Nothing more than a whimper, but enough to free him from his trance and realize she had been looking at him the entire time.

Ten seconds. He dropped to his knees, slitting his wrist open with the sharp edges of his teeth and pressing it on her mouth, not even aware of himself whispering "come on, come on, come on…" in an endless pattern.

In the eleventh second, she coughed out a surge of blood and tried to say his name, choking before she could get more than the first syllable out. Her body stopped bending after one last violent shake. Harvey was still trying to feed her his blood.

"No. No, no, no, no, no. Come on, Donna, _please_ …."

Twelve seconds. He heard her heart stop beating. He cupped her face in his hands, helplessly watching the life draining out of her eyes, his own heart thumping so hard as if it wanted to work for the both of them, his voice growing louder and more desperate, _begging_ her not to leave him.

Twelve seconds. And she was just gone.

He didn't remember picking her up and moving back into the room. He didn't remember collapsing on the floor and burying his head in her hair, his body shuddering with rough, damaging sobs, so awfully alive in comparison to hers. He didn't remember shaking her and screaming at her.

He didn't remember anything except looking into her eyes in a moment of strange clarity and denial, pleading her to stop this cruel game, searching for the sparkle that he didn't know how to live without anymore.

But there was nothing there, no spark, no glimmer of hope. Only darkness. Darkness that threatened to swallow him whole.

He gladly let it.

He hoped it'll never let him go again.

.

" _Chicago", he says, still a little out of breath._

 _Her head turns to the side to get a better look at him. The fireworks stopped a while ago and apart from the newly lit candle on Harvey's side of the bed they are still surrounded by darkness._

" _Chicago?", she asks quietly. Harvey can hear the confusion in her voice and grins. If only he'd known sooner that all he had to do to throw her off her game was_ this _..._

 _He hums. "Yeah, for that stupid list thing."_

" _It's not stupid", she scolds him and sits up, wrapping the white sheet around her naked body. "We should write it down."_

" _I think I might just be able to remember two names."_

" _Why Chicago?", she says, ignoring his input and searching for a piece of paper or a pen on her nightstand._

" _Jessica loves it. We've been there quite a few times over the last century, so I could show you some interesting places."_

" _Chicago it is, then", she nods before she curses under her breath. "I can't even find a napkin."_

 _He sighs dramatically. "There's a pen over here."_

" _Great, and what am I supposed to write on? Your forehead?"_

 _Offhandedly, he rips a square piece out of the sheet and hands it to her, chuckling at her flabbergasted expression. "What?"_

" _Vanderbilt will kill you if he finds out what you did to his precious sheets."_

" _Vanderbilt would kill_ _ **us**_ _if he ever found out what_ _ **we**_ _did to his precious sheets", Harvey corrects with a smirk._

" _Touché."_

 _Donna removes the lid from the pen and places it between her lips, throwing Harvey a suggestive wink that makes him swallow._

" _Donna…"_

" _So, Chicago is your first", she carries on like nothing happened. "And Austin was mine, obviously."_

" _I'm not setting a foot into that town."_

" _We'll see about that."_

 _Donna scribbles the cities down despite Harvey's muttered protest. Her fingers play with the tip of the pen for a moment as she thinks of her next destination._

" _Boston."_

" _Never been."_

 _Her fingers stop moving and she meets his stare, brows raised in surprise. "Really? Why?"_

 _He shrugs. "We thought about staying there a few years ago actually, but we both missed New York too much so we decided to spend at least another decade here, first."_

 _She offers him a soft smile. "I'm glad you did."_

" _Yeah, me too", he whispers and watches her write down Boston. "New Orleans."_

 _Her smile deepens. "That was my next point, as well. I've always dreamt of going there one day."_

" _I can't get enough of it", Harvey says honestly. "It's such a unique place."_

" _Because of Storyville?", she teases._

" _I haven't even been to New Orleans since before Storyville existed."_

" _I know."_

" _It's just a great place in general, there's so much history and music and art and— "_

" _I'm_ joking _, Harvey, calm down."_

 _He scoffs and nuzzles back into his pillow, ignoring her amused stare. "Just write it down, will you."_

" _You're such a prude sometimes."_

 _The list grows longer slowly, as Harvey and Donna are mainly busy bickering over every town the other person chooses, from Harvey rolling his eyes at her naming San Francisco ('it's so overrated') to Donna refusing to add Smyrna purely because Harvey thinks she won't be able to spell it._

 _Eventually, the suggestions get rarer, more random, and Donna doesn't write them down any longer. Instead, she carefully places the ripped sheet on her nightstand and rolls to the side, lying down a few inches from him._

" _We should go for a second round", he murmurs after they've been silent for a few minutes, eyes closed, a lazy smile tugging on his lips when he hears her laugh._

" _You don't really seem to be up for that, mister Specter."_

" _Just gimme a minute to…"_

 _His voice trails off before he can end the sentence. He feels the warmth of her body next to his as he slowly drifts off into a peaceful slumber, not sure if he is really tired or if the unusual comfort of having her so close just makes him want to stay in this moment forever._

.

When Jessica found them, Harvey's first state of anger had already come and gone – evident in the complete mess of broken furniture, torn down curtains and shards scattered all across the floor – and had made room for deep self-loathing. She knew she'd never forget seeing him there on the rich, thick carpet between all the blood and the chaos, crouching next to Donna's lifeless body, eyes only moving up to meet hers the moment she nudged his shoulder to let him now she was there, her heart breaking for him when she saw nothing but shattered hope and defeat reflecting in his eyes. It was a picture that she'd never allow herself to forget, as a punishment for what she'd done.

She couldn't think of the best strategy to tell him, letting her emotions rule over her head for just a few minutes, but long enough to reassure him that everything would be okay. He didn't want to hear it, shaking his head fanatically, tears streaming down his cheeks when his stare dropped onto Donna again, now nothing more than a mere corpse lying in his arms. The noises he made sounded like the ones of a tortured animal, begging for mercy, begging for everything to just _stop_ , and it made Jessica throw all caution out of the window, because right at this moment nothing mattered more to her than to save him from his pain.

"It's okay, Harvey, it's gonna be okay, believe me, it'll all— _hey_ , look at me."

She grabbed his chin and met his eyes for a second time, now forbidding him to let go. "I need you to focus on what I'm telling you." Her voice was shaking slightly, overcome with emotions, mostly fear and grief, but she refused to let herself be weak in the moment he needed her the most. "Donna will be fine. I took care of it, do you hear me? I gave her my blood a few hours ago. She will wake up again."

Slowly, her words pushed through the thick cloud of grief and agony that occupied every piece of Harvey's mind; slowly, his eyes started widening, searching Jessica's face for a confirmation that what she just said was indeed true. She nodded ever so slightly, not daring to say anything else. She had never been so terrified of what someone might do with the piece of information she'd dropped into his lap.

It took him a long time to truly grasp what she said, to understand what it really meant. When he finally spoke, his voice was still hoarse from crying, still coated with the crushing intensity of emotions he'd rarely ever felt before.

"You turned her."

Her answer was nothing more than a quavering whisper.

"I did."

.

Suddenly, everything was different.

Everything hurt. Everything was dark.

Donna's senses were heightened, but she couldn't put any of them to proper use. Every nerve in her body was screaming at her, she felt, saw and smelled everything and nothing at all. She heard someone frantically panting and it took her a minute to understand the whimpering noises came out of her own mouth.

"Hey… _hey_ — Donna." She jerked her head up, trying to focus on the sound of the familiar voice but unable to place it anywhere due to her blurred sight.

"It's okay, I'm here. I'm here." The mumbled words were followed by something – someone – touching her face. "Come on, I need you to breathe with me, in an out."

The fingertips brushing over her cheekbones made her skin feel like it was on fire. Donna flinched and drew back, and then she finally caught Harvey's eyes in the dim light, seeing a flash of hurt move over his face.

She tried to not lose her focus again, squinting her eyes and staring at him, imitating his breathing like he told her to. Eventually, her breath went from shallow to steady, and she leaned her head back to rest against the wooden bedframe.

"What happened?" Her voice was raspy, sounding nothing like her.

"Donna." Another familiar voice appeared somewhere to her right. Donna flinched again, clasping her arms around her legs and slowly rocking back and forth, head now resting on her knees.

"Jessica", Harvey gritted through his teeth. "I said I'll handle it. You're scaring her."

Donna felt a weight on the bed as Jessica sat down next to her. "This is going to be hard to hear", she said. Donna found the steadiness of her voice comforting. Like something she could hold onto.

"You died, Donna. You're in transition."

It was like Jessica's words opened the gateway to the memories that've been looked in some dark part of her brain. New Year's Eve. The fireworks. _Harvey_. Neil's knife slitting her throat. Feeling the life draining out of her with every breath she took. Harvey again, looking down at her, when everything went cold and dark.

She tried to swallow, but her throat was too dry.

"Do you remember who did this to you?", Jessica asked, not letting go of Donna's eyes and keeping her focused. The redhead nodded, suddenly sensing wetness on her cheeks. When had she began to cry?

"Neil", she croaked.

Harvey made a strangled noise, something between complete shock and restrained anger, meeting Jessica's stare and seeing something similar in her eyes.

" _Neil_?", Jessica whispered when she finally found her voice again. "Are you sure?"

Harvey shook his head. "It can't be true. She must be hallucinating or something."

"Harvey, let her talk!"

"He's her _brother_ , Jessica", he said emphatically.

"I know that."

"Then how can you possibly think he'd be able to— "

"Stop", Donna groaned, hands pressing against her head. "Both of you." She met Harvey's stare with all the determination she could muster up. "I saw him. It was him, I am sure of it. He slit my throat."

"But… why?", Jessica muttered, more to herself than to anyone else. "I don't understand his motivation."

"He said he was doing his job."

"His job?" Harvey still met her with complete disbelief. "His 'job' is to kill vampires, _not_ slitting his human sister's throat."

Jessica threw him a quick, warning glance, but it was too late to take back what he said. The words 'vampires' and 'human' stirred up an uneven feeling in Donna's gut, Jessica's words from before only now hitting her with their full meaning. "You said… ", she cleared her throat. "You said I am in transition. So, I am dead."

Her monotone, emotionless voice made Harvey feel uncomfortable. She was changing moods faster than he had time to adjust to.

"But if I died before Harvey could feed me his blood…", her voice trailed off when another set of recent memories forced their way back into her conscious. How her head hit the floor with a thud. How her limbs felt increasingly more and more numb with ever second. How she clasped her hands around her burning throat, trying to keep the blood from streaming out of the gaping wound, an excruciating pain slicing through her entire body. How Harvey hovered over her, watching her bleed out without moving a muscle while she desperately tried to beg him for help.

She felt him shift nervously beside her, bringing her back to reality. "… then why am I still here?", she finally finished.

Jessica started fidgeting her hands anxiously. It was a rare, highly unusual movement for a woman that was always prepared for everything. "Because I gave you my blood", she said eventually, avoiding Donna's eyes, keeping the bitter tasting feeling of guilt bottled up inside for now. She'd have to deal with that later.

"When?" Donna licked her dry, chapped lips. Jessica stayed silent for a moment, and it was all it took for Donna's mind to catch up. "The tea", she whispered. "You put your blood in the tea. That's why it tasted so strange. That's why you over-sugared it. You didn't want me to notice the blood."

Harvey moved his head in Jessica's direction, clenching his jaw. He didn't know that part of the story. Didn't think Jessica would dare giving Donna her blood without her consent.  
The older vampire nodded slowly.

"That's why you wanted to meet me in the first place, wasn't it?", Donna scoffed. "You didn't give a shit about why I wanted to turn. You just wanted to prevent _him_ from turning me."  
Harvey's eyes were still focused on his mentor, looking for a sign that Donna's words were untrue.

Jessica swallowed. "I was trying to protect both of you. You refused to see the kind of mistake you were making, turning Donna and making yourself her mentor when you were clearly not ready for it. You both refused to listen to reason, and I was desperate, so I did the only thing I could. I knew if I gave her my blood before you gave her yours, _I_ would be the one that turned her. I wanted you to be my responsibility."

She looked up at Donna at last, and while Donna saw guilt in her eyes, she didn't see regret. She knew Jessica would do it again if she had to.

"You mean your liability."

"I don't think of you as a liability", Jessica gave back without hesitation. "I never have."

Donna didn't buy a single word she was saying, but she decided to play along. "Then you're not as smart as I thought you were."

"I can't believe you did this to her." Harvey's words were followed by a heavy silence, they came too sudden and were so full of anger and disappointment that both women didn't know how to answer.

"Maybe", Jessica said at last. "maybe we should talk about this later, and focus on what's important right now."

"And what is that, exactly?"

Jessica ignored the hostile tone in his voice. "Two things. One: Why did Neil kill Donna? What was his goal? Did he know you had vampire blood in your system? And if he did, why would he want you to turn into the thing he's been hunting his entire life?"

Donna watched her own hands drawing small circles on the thick blanket. She didn't feel like theorizing about why her brother killed her and left her to bleed out in the hallway. "And the second?"

"We need to get you some blood."

"You mean I need to feed."

The vampire nodded. "It's better for you to dive right into it. Get your new impulses and emotions under control as quickly as possible. Learn how to feed and when to stop to spare the human's life. Adjust to your strength and keep anyone from drawing suspicion. Especially your family, granted of course they didn't— ", Jessica stopped abruptly.

"… they didn't know Neil was coming to kill me?", Donna finished for her. "Or they didn't order him to do so?"

Harvey's hand rested on top of her knee, trying to give her some comfort. But his touch was still too much, still felt like he set her skin on fire with it, so she moved away from him once more. He didn't try again.

"I can help you", he offered instead, trying to keep himself from showing how hurt he was that she kept rejecting his touch. "If you want, I mean. I can show you how to feed, and control your speed, and your urges."

It was all too much.

Them talking about her family and her condition like she was deaf or stupid, or not even in the room at all. They were too close, they were breathing _so loudly_ , and worst of all, they were looking at her like she was someone to be pitied.

"I need a moment alone."

"Donna", Harvey mumbled.

"Get out", she said, harsher than intended. She took a deep breath. ' _Control yourself_ ', she heard her father say, like he used to when she was little and on the verge of tears, so sick of training for the same selfish cause every single day. "Please. Please, just give me a second."

"Yeah", Harvey said gently. "Yeah, sure, take your time and, uh, let us know if you need anything, okay? I need to talk to Jessica privately, anyway."

Donna forced herself to smile at him, a hag-ridden, barely visible smile that Harvey answered with one of his own, almost as unconvincing as hers had been. She watched the two vampires leave the room, only now realising where they had brought her while she'd been… well, dead.

Harvey's room. Harvey's bed.

Her breath started to quicken again.

It was too much.

It was all too much.

.

"What were you thinking?", Harvey spat the moment he closed his bedroom door.

"Keep your freaking voice down, Harvey, I don't want to upset her even more."

"That's rich, _now_ you give a shit about her?"

"I've always cared about her, and you damn well know it." They moved from the hallway into the next room, and Jessica went straight for the scotch on the small table, pouring them both a glass. Harvey took it from her with a low scowl. "How could you do this to her? You didn't even ask her, you _tricked_ her into it."

"I did what I had to."

"To save your own skin, of course."

"No", she shot back. "To save your goddamn relationship with her."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Are you really that blind, Harvey, or do you just choose to ignore how big the consequences would've been if you'd been the one to do it?!"

"That would've been my problem, not yours. You just hate that she asked _me_ , that she wanted _me_ , that she _chose_ me."

"God damnit, Harvey", Jessica barked, raising her voice and gesticulating towards the corridor they had just come from. "Did you see her in there? How disorientated and traumatized she was? _I_ am responsible for that. Me and Neil. Did you see how she looked at me? She might never forgive me for this." She breathed out and swallowed to keep her voice from breaking. "Do you actually believe that you could've fed her your blood and then just _snap_ her fucking neck with your bare hands? Or watch her end her life to turn?"

Harvey stumbled a step back. He hadn't thought that far. All the times he considered turning her, he thought about what it would mean for her to go through the transition and what it would mean for them, but he had never thought about what he actually had to do in order to get her there.

"You two would've never looked at each other the same way ever again. She would've seen the man that killed her, the man that ended her human life, and you would've seen your responsibility in every dead body she'll drop, in every harm she'll cause, because it would've been your fault. Are you telling me you were ready and prepared to handle that?" He didn't answer. "Yeah, didn't think so."

"And you are?", he asked quietly, observing her from the corner of his eye.

Her eyes were tired. "Well, I don't have much of a choice now, do I?"

She gulped down the rest of her scotch and firmly placed the glass on the table. "You should find Donna a compellable human to feed on as quickly as you can. Be careful not to pick a drunken slob off the street, you and I both know that alcohol doesn't necessarily mix well with blood for a newbie vampire."

"Woah, where are you going? You can't just barge into her family home and demand answers."

Jessica rolled her eyes. "That's something _you_ would do, and frankly, I'm a little surprised you haven't already suggested it. But I'm not an idiot, and I prefer to gather my information in a subtler way."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I'm going to find a witch that'll agree to make one of _these_ ", she tipped on her richly engraved daylight ring, "And ask around if anyone in the human faction knows more about Neil's plan."

"Assuming he has a plan, of course."

Jessica snorted. "He slit his sisters throat and left her to die. That's not only against the family code, that's unthinkably cruel and he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't involved in something bigger. Something we probably should've seen coming."

"And what's that?", Harvey asked.

"I have no idea", she threw over her shoulder.

"Jessica."

She stopped dead in her tracks. "Yes, Harvey?"

"We still need to talk about what you did. Donna is not the only person that has to forgive you."

She didn't turn around to face him, but he could see her head slowly bobbing up and down in acknowledgment of what he said.

And what it might mean for them.

.

He had dark hair. Light brown eyes. Was barely older than 30. Sobering up on his way home from a joyous night. Nothing special. Normally, Donna wouldn't even throw him a second glance. But Harvey had picked _him_ off the street. Chose him to be the one that would change her life forever. From mortal to immortal by nothing more than a few drops of this stranger's blood.

Donna's hands tightened around the blanket she had wrapped around her shoulders. She'd put on 3 layers of fresh, warm clothing after her bath, but she was still shaking anyway. Half an hour ago, she'd been drenched in sweat. It was as if her body wanted to remind her with every second that what she was going through was not normal. Not natural. That it shouldn't be happening. That she should be dead.

Harvey sat the man down in a chair in front of her. They were alone in the apartment. Harvey had told her Jessica left a while ago to find out more about what was going on with Donna's family. Donna was secretly glad that she didn't have to do it. The mere thought of Neil made her breath hitch. She'd have to deal with him later. She'd have to look him in the eye and ask him. Why. How.

 _Why._

She looked up when she heard Harvey say her name. "Are you okay?"

She started nodding but stopped halfway through it. No, she wasn't. He knew she wasn't.

"What if I don't do it?", she asked suddenly. Harvey's face fell. He took a cautious step in her direction. "Then you'll die."

"I'm already dead, Harvey."

"Donna", he whispered, settling down next to her and wrapping his palms around her hands. "Please… you can't— ", he inhaled. Donna saw the panic in his eyes. "I need you."

Tears were threatening to spill out of Donna's eyes before she could stop it.

It was all too much.

She shot out of her seat to create some distance between herself and Harvey. "I feel like— "

Her throat tightened, the tears now rolling down her cheeks, accompanied by a sob that made her body tremble before it left her lips. "I can't." Another sob. "I can't, Harvey."

She couldn't control what was happening, she couldn't stop her body from shaking, let alone get any control over her emotions. It only got worse when Harvey got up to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight, his scent intruding into her space and surrounding her like second blanket she could crawl into to hide from the world. His body was so warm, so alive, and while she choked on her own words, his fingers brushed through her hair, so gentle it almost hurt her.

"I can't do it, I can't do it", she mumbled between more sobs.

"Yes, you can", he whispered into her hair. Her fingers gripped the smooth fabric of his shirt, head still nudged into the crook of his neck.

A few hours ago, Harvey had held her lifeless body, thinking he'd never hear her voice again, or feel her heart pounding against his chest. It was still the most prominent thought in his mind, and he'd be damned if he'd just let her give up without fighting for her with everything he had in him.

He shushed her, fingertips now tracing the lines of her jaw as he moved his forehead down to meet hers.

"I can't", she muttered once more.

"Yes, you can. I _know_ you can. And you know you can." He put a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Their eyes locked, Donna's still clouded by tears, but he could see that he was starting to break through to her. "The real question is, do you want to? Because if you don't, then I won't stand in your way."

Her lower lip was still trembling slightly. It distracted him for a moment. He couldn't look away, having the sudden urge to make it stop. "But I think you do."

He closed the small distance between their mouths slowly, careful not to do anything that might upset her in the state she was in. When their lips met, she froze, eyes fluttering shut.

 _It was all too much._

Harvey felt her heartbeat slowing and took that as a sign that he wasn't completely out of his mind for taking this moment to kiss her. He just hadn't known any other way to show her that he'd be there for her no matter what she chose.

One of Donna's cold hands settled on his cheek when she finally kissed him back, warily, almost timidly, as if last night never happened. He didn't push any further, remembering the overbearing whirlwind of emotions that went through him back when he'd been in transition all too well. Instead, he let her set the pace, arms slung around her waist to give her a feeling of being safe while her thumb started drawing small circles on his chin.

It felt different. Strange even. Maybe it was because she wasn't human anymore nor a vampire yet, but something in between. Something between life and death.

Or maybe because his kiss was full of hope and confirmation, full of dreams of what they could be now that she was in this state, and her kiss felt entirely different. But he couldn't quite place why. He just sensed they were out of tune.

When their lips eventually parted, she seemed to have calmed down while he was more nervous than before. "Do you?", he asked quietly.

The answer was in her eyes. For the first time since she woke up, he saw her strength coming back. He saw the stubborn, determent Donna he knew and thus slowly loosened his grip on her. He gave her a small nod of encouragement and watched her mirror his movement before turning around and concentrating on the stranger that was still sitting in his chair, not saying a word like Harvey compelled him to.

"Should I just fill some of his blood in a glass?", Harvey asked.

"No. I need to do it properly. The sooner I get used to it, the better." Her index finger traced the thick vein on the man's neck, silently wondering if the hunger she felt would ever go away again.

Harvey observed her nervously. He knew she would be a natural at this whole vampire thing, she had spent way too much time with them for it to be otherwise. She knew every weakness. Every strength. That wasn't what worried him. But nothing could prepare her for what she'll feel once she'll get the first taste of human blood. Once she became a predator, there was no way back. Even someone like Jessica didn't have her urges under complete control at all times, and no one could foresee how Donna would change through and handle the vampirism.

The fear of losing her, or her losing herself, swept through him once more, so powerful he almost took a step forward to stop her. But he wasn't supposed to make this choice for her. He promised her not to.

Almost hypnotized he watched Donna carefully slice open the side of the man's neck with the dagger she usually kept hidden in her stockings. Followed her fingers catching some of the blood dripping out of the fresh cut and bringing it to her mouth, her eyes closing the moment it reached her lips; not knowing whether to feel scared, excited, cautious or charged with hunger and something else, something darker. Something he was ashamed of immediately.

Donna didn't move until Harvey whispered her name and her eyes snapped open, focused on the blood running down her victim's neck. The veins around her eyes grew thicker and darker, eyes going red and two fangs pushing through her upper jaw, a sight that was terrifying and entrancing at the same time. The feeling Harvey didn't want to feel increased, blinding out any thoughts as she leapt forward and sank her teeth into the male's neck.

She kept feeding.

And feeding.

Harvey only shook out of his trance when he heard the man's heartbeat slowing rapidly at the loss of blood. "Donna", he said quietly, taking a careful step in her direction. "I think that's enough for now. You need to let him go."

Donna ignored him, teeth ripping the neck of her victim further open, drawing more blood. Harvey said her name again while sweat started to formulate on his forehead. _Please, no,_ he thought. _Not already. Not while feeding for the first time._

He came closer and lightly nudged her shoulder, causing her to yank her head up, hair a tumbling mess of fiery red covering most of her face, eyes pitch black orbs, reflecting no emotion whatsoever, lips dark and wet from the blood. The man in front of her could barely stand any longer, skin pale from the loss of blood.

"Don't touch me", Donna hissed in Harvey's direction and shook his hand off. He ignored the hurt it caused him.

"I just want to help you. You're not thinking clearly." He grabbed her arm, more urgently this time, to guide her away from the stranger.

"I said— ", Donna pushed him away again and before he could move so much as a muscle, she had snapped the human's neck. "Don't you dare touch me."

Harvey stood stock-still, frozen from the shock.

Jessica was in the room in the blink of an eye, looking from the two vampires to the body lying on the floor.

"Apparently I got back just in time."

Donna met her stare, cold and unfazed by what she'd done. Harvey still didn't move, breathing heavily.

"I was just on my way to Neil." She brushed past Jessica, who didn't seem keen on stopping her. Harvey was the one that rushed towards the entrance at last, preventing her from leaving.

"I can't let you do that."

"I'm not warning you again, Harvey."

"You're gonna get yourself killed, if you rush into it like that, and I'm not gonna let that happen. So, in order for me to step aside you'd have to— "

Donna sighed and snapped his neck as well.

Jessica swallowed. This was _not_ gonna end well of any of them.

"Are you going to try and stand in my way, too?", Donna said sharply, facing the last person beside her that was still breathing.

"No."

"Do you have my ring ready?"

Jessica nodded, dropping an elegant, golden ring with a small emerald on the top into Donna's stretched out hand. Donna slid it onto her middle finger, scoffing when she took a closer look. "So, I have an emerald to match your ruby and Harvey's sapphire? How poetic." Her lips twitched sarcastically. "You know me so well."

"I do, actually."

"Well enough to trick me into drinking your blood without me noticing, apparently. You must be so proud."

"I'm not", Jessica replied firmly. "I told you— "

"Don't bother", Donna cut in with a wave of her hand. "It makes you seem pathetic."

Jessica stepped right into her personal space without batting an eye. "I'm going to let that go because you are in a _very_ vulnerable place right now and it's partly my fault. But don't you dare disrespect me like that. I won't always be in a forgiving mood."

Donna's eyes lit up dangerously at the threat. "Didn't you want _me_ to forgive _you_?"

"Depends on what you do next."

"I'll go over to my family's house. I'll kill Neil and whoever tries to stop me. And then, I'll leave this town behind."

"Are you gonna tell him that?", Jessica asked quietly, nodding towards the unconscious Harvey on the floor.

"I thought I'd let you do that. You seem to love making my decisions for me." Donna turned away from her and headed out of the room. "I'd appreciate it if you don't come after me, and make sure Harvey doesn't either. Let me decide this time. I think you owe me that much."

She didn't wait for an answer, leaving as quickly as possible before Harvey woke up.

.

Neil was alone in the house, head buried in a stack of papers, undoubtedly looking into the disappearance of their mother. Donna leaned against the doorframe, shoving any emotion other than cold indifference down to observe him curiously.

He seemed fine. Not the least bit shaken up by having killed his sister mere hours before. He'd changed clothes, probably because they had Donna's blood all over them, but he hadn't slept a minute, judging from the dark shadows under his eyes.

 _Good_. _That'll slow his reflexes down._

Donna could hear his heartbeat flutter and then speed up when he finally noticed her presence and their eyes locked.

In the matter of seconds, she changed her strategy.

"Donna", he whispered, looking at her like he'd seen a ghost. "How are you— "

"— not bleeding out on the floor right now? Yeah, thanks for that", she said dryly, pushing down another persistent wave of rage, hatred and sadness.

 _Control yourself_ , she thought once more.

"Who turned you?", Neil barked, fingers anxiously fumbling for the dagger he always kept in the inside of his jacket.

"No one", she smirked, the lie rolling off her tongue with so much ease she could almost believe it herself. "Vampire blood is a funny thing, isn't it? You would know if you'd ever opened up your horizon to the provided benefits it can bring to work with a vampire."

"Who healed you?", he whispered.

"I think you know who."

"Harvey", he gritted through his teeth, like saying his name out loud would give him physical pain. "You were supposed to weaken him and Jessica so that we could eliminate them, _not_ fall in love with him."

"I'm not in love with him", Donna scoffed. "I was doing my job."

"Don't bullshit me, Donna. I know you way too well for that. You were set on this case to infiltrate that joke of a family and take both of them out when they trusted you enough and had no more information to give to us. Instead, you've been playing married coupled with Harvey for years, visiting Amanda and acting like Jessica was your long-lost mother while your _real_ mother was captured by vampires and you didn't bat an eyelid."

"And instead of talking to me you decide to punish me by _slitting my throat_?" Donna swallowed, feeling the sadness threatening to burn its way up to the surface again.

"That wasn't a punishment for you, but for Harvey. For taking you away from us and causing you to betray your own family. You were just a means to an end. He was supposed to find you in front of his door, understanding what it feels like to have you ripped out of his life."

"A means to an end", Donna repeated, voice vibrating with supressed emotions.

"No hard feelings, sister. You know how things work around here. You've brought this on yourself."

"Of course. No hard feelings. I should've expected it from you, after what I've seen you become over the years. It's kinda hard to tell you apart from a monster these days. Tell me, does father know?"

Neil, who'd been about to put the dagger back into its pocket, froze in the middle of the movement. Donna had placed the question at the perfect time. She knew Neil had prepared himself for it the moment he'd seen her alive, but he hadn't expected her to ask it _now,_ out of nowhere, while they were talking about something entirely different.

His hesitation was what gave him away. He always hesitated when he was caught with a lie he thought he'd already gotten away with.

"I guess that means no?", Donna huffed. "Figured. Father Is heartless, but even he wouldn't stoop _this_ low. What about our dear uncle?"

Neil stayed silent, avoiding her eyes.

"Huh. So it was a one-man-mission? Consider me surprised."

Her brother sprang into action, grabbing something out of his desk drawer and throwing it in her direction. Donna manged to escape it without using her vampire speed. The glass bottle shattered beside her head and the liquid that'd been inside trickled down the doorframe slowly, the scent that filled the air making Donna instinctively want to throw up.

"Really? Blackthorn?", she mocked. "I told you, I'm not a vampire."

"Then what are you doing here? Do you wish to kill me?"

"Thought about it. But what good would that do me? Having father on my trail to avenge your death for the rest of my life? No." She shook her head and took a step closer, and although she heard his heartbeat quicken again, he didn't step back.

"I'm here to make a deal."

"Not a chance", he shot back immediately. "I'm not considering any offer of yours until you've proven not to be one of _them_."

"Oh, for the love of god", Donna sighed impatiently, grabbing the letter opener from the table and slicing a big cut into his arm.

"What the _fuck_ ", Neil hissed, stumbling backwards and reaching for his handkerchief. When his eyes left her for a moment, Donna took a deep breath, restraining herself from feeding on him. It helped that his blood smelled like it consisted to 90% of blackthorn. And that he had killed her earlier.

She'd rather die than feed on him. Her disgust was stronger than the hunger.

"There, now you have one more scar and I haven't ripped your head off. Even though you deserve it."

"You brought this on yourself", he growled again, pressing the handkerchief on his wound to still the bleeding.

"Oh, spare me the sad story, honestly. I told you a million times that I had everything under control."

"And I didn't believe it once! You _switched_ us out for them, Donna. You _left_ us to be with them. They are abominations of nature, the very things that keep taking everything from this family. We are born to fight them, destined to keep going until every last one of them is in the ground. And you turned your back on us because you deluded yourself into thinking you could escape your responsibility by surrounding yourself with them. But let me tell you something: You can't get rid of us. Not now. Not ever. The only way we leave this family is when we are dead."

Donna stayed silent, feeling a hint of guilt settling somewhere deep inside her core. She'd been trying to balance these two families of hers out for years. She'd given up eventually, knowing she wanted out of her family's legacy. Knowing the risk of Harvey and Jessica finding out that she'd originally gotten to know them to take them down was one she was unwilling to take. They wouldn't forgive her, and she tried not to care, but she did.

She was terrified of it.

But at the same time, she was terrified of what her father would say if he knew she planned to leave them behind, too. How he would look at her when he understood that Donna loved Harvey and Jessica more than she ever loved one of her actual family members.

It was Neil who broke the silence at last, looking tired. "You have one minute to convince me why I should take your deal", he said nonchalantly. It was unsettling how easy it was for both to slip into business mode. To shove personal feelings aside to profit from an agreement that they both shouldn't be able to think about without feeling sick to their stomachs. They shouldn't even be able to look at one another after what happened.

But still, they were. Making deals to find the best way to survive was what they've been raised to do. It came naturally to them.

"You're not, under any circumstances, going to tell either Jessica or Harvey about the real reason I came into their lives three years ago. You will keep your mouth shut and your hands off them for as long as you can."

Neil's lips twitched. "Why would I agree to that?"

"Because otherwise I'll tell father what you did. I'll tell him everything. And even if he didn't care about me, he'd still have to punish you. Because you broke our code, brother. And you know damn well what happens to people who do that."

Neil's smile froze, and Donna chuckled darkly before continuing. "If you don't keep your mouth shut, I'm gonna sing like a bird. I'll tell everyone in this family. I'd rather not test me, if I were you."

He gritted his teeth, obviously trying to wrap his brain around a possibility to refuse the deal, or finding a way out of it. "Fine", he muttered at last. "I'll try to keep father and uncle away from your pet monsters, but I can't guarantee anything. If they want to attack them, I won't stand in their way."

Donna nodded.

"Anything else?"

"I'm leaving tonight", she simply said. "And I don't know if I'll ever come back. And you're gonna keep dad from looking for me. No one is allowed to follow me, I don't care what you have to do to make sure of that, just get it done."

"No way", Neil protested, firm voice turning into a long, pained groan when Donna's left hand wrapped around his arm, fingers mercilessly pressing into his wound. "No one will search for me, or come after me until I say otherwise. I want your word on that."

"Okay. _Okay_ ", he yelped, ripping his arm out of her grip.

Donna flashed him one last, dangerous smile. "Always a pleasure doing business with you, brother."

.

She stood in front of the door, waiting in the dark.

She hadn't told him yet. She hadn't known how. He'd blame her for it, and rightfully so. He'd lash out, go on a killing spree, and it'd draw way too much attention to them. They probably wouldn't be able to stay in town anyway, after what happened to Donna. Someone in her family must've suspected her and Harvey as vampires by now.

He'd gone looking for Donna right after he woke up, cursing at Jessica for not stopping her when she had the chance.

And now Jessica was standing here like a child, waiting for both, or either, of them to come back, unsure in what emotional or physical state they'd be in. Yesterday around this time, everything had been fine. They've been celebrating, enjoying not having the weight of the world on their shoulders for _once_.

And now, a day later, everything was broken.

"Did you kill him?", she whispered into the darkness. The cold breath coming out of her mouth painted white patterns into the air, distantly reminding her of Gideon's cigar smoke.

Donna moved closer and gave her a dismissive glance. "No. I saved your asses. Again."

"How so?"

"I forbade him to go near you two or I would tell my father what he did to me."

"And why would he agree to such terms instead of killing you?"

"Because he doesn't know I'm a vampire."

Jessica's eyes darted to the side, observing the other woman's stone-cold face.

"You played him."

"Like a fiddle."

Jessica hummed. "But he does know the truth about me and Harvey now", she stated.

"Yes. Forgive me for not being able to keep that façade up any longer", Donna said. The sarcasm in her voice was palpable. "He obviously had to believe someone close by healed me with vampire blood."

"Obviously." Jessica drew in a calm, steady breath. "Would you mind telling me why the hell he came to kill you in the first place?"

She moved to the side so that she stood right in front of the redhead. Donna tilted her head, calculating how much of the truth she was going to tell.

"He didn't appreciate me building up my own family with you two and Amanda", she said eventually, a light tone in her voice. "Apparently, he thought my focus wasn't where it should be anymore."

"It seems cruel, still", Jessica murmured. "Even knowing how your family works, it seems like a… rash, reckless decision to end your life. Didn't he fear the wrath of your family?"

"He didn't think anyone would find out. I wasn't supposed to make it out alive."

Jessica felt a weight on her chest looking at the woman in front of her. Did she save her, or did she load the most terrible burden imaginable onto her by feeding her blood? In her heart, Jessica knew the answer.

"Are you really leaving?", she said when she just couldn't keep it in any longer, throat too tight to swallow. She saw Donna's walls crumbling slightly, a shadow of genuine sadness moving over her face.

"I am."

Jessica took another breath, now shakily and shallow, cursing herself for the tears in her eyes.

"I can't look at you without— ", Donna's voice broke. "What you did, it's just— I can't forgive that."

"I saved your life, Donna." Jessica hated herself for saying it, for defending her actions when she knew she had no right to do so.

"Maybe. But it doesn't feel like it, does it?" Donna offered a sad smile, eyes focused on a point behind Jessica's shoulder. She was about to leave right now, Jessica could feel it.

"Forget about me for a moment, I can handle everything you're planning to throw at me. I know I deserve it. You shouldn't feel obligated to leave because of that." Desperation made her close the distance between them again and caused her voice to be more urgent, for a moment she didn't care if it made her seem weak or pathetic. "What about Harvey? Think about him."

Donna's stare slid to the side and met hers at last. The brokenness in her eyes hit Jessica with such intensity that she almost stumbled a step back. "He's the other reason."

Harvey, who was just on his way home after a long, unsuccessful search for Donna, stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Jessica say his name. Staying far away in the dark to not draw any attention to himself, he watched Jessica and Donna stand in front of the building, wrapped up in a conversation he couldn't help but overhear, because they were talking about him.

"Donna— ", Jessica began, being interrupted straight away by Donna's low but steady voice.

"He watched me bleed out on the floor and he couldn't lift a finger until it was too late. That's the only thing I see when I look at him."

"You didn't see him hovering over your dead body, Donna", Jessica said quietly, tears filling her eyes again at the mere thought of it.

"Over my _human_ body, right? What do you reckon he'll think of this version of me? All murderous and cold, more like him than he ever wished for?"

"He doesn't care! Don't you get it? He just wants you here, no matter what version of you. As long as it's _you_."

"You can't know that."

"I do know that."

"I don't believe you."

" _Donna_ ", Jessica said insistently. "Please. Please don't do this to him."

There was a terribly long pause. Harvey's heart was racing.

"He loves you."

Harevey's stomach twisted.

Donna cleared her throat. "I don't believe that either", she whispered, and then she was gone.

He knew where she was headed next.

He waited for her in front of Amanda's home, watched her go in and come out very soon after, deep in thought.

"So, what, I'm not even worth the crappiest of your goodbyes?", he said, stepping out of the shadows. Donna jumped, her wild eyes fixating on him standing right before her, effectively blocking her way down the road.

"Harvey, what are you doing here?"

"Thought this would be where you would go before you're leaving for good", he shrugged, laughing humourlessly. "This. Amanda. It's your hardest goodbye."

A tear left her eye before she could stop it. She washed it away roughly, keeping the words she wanted to say to herself.

There'd been a reason she had tried to avoid this conversation at any cost.

It was him. He was her hardest goodbye.

"Harvey", she said instead, voice hoarse and coated from the emotions that threatened to overrun her again. "Will you step aside, please?"

"No", he answered firmly. " _No._ I'm not going to watch you walk away like that, like it's the easiest thing in the world to you, when I know it can't be. You can't leave me behind like that, like…"

He tussled his hair desperately. It suddenly looked like it had the night before. When he'd looked up at her, a childish grin on his face as she wrote down another place they could visit together in the future. The aching in Donna's chest was unbearable.

"… like _nothing_ that happened in the last three years mattered to you."

"I need to go", she croaked, trying so hard to keep her composure.

"You don't. Donna, you can stay. We _want_ you to stay. We're family, remember? We'll figure this out together, like we always do. You don't have to go through this alone."

She shook her head slightly. "I _have_ to."

"Donna. Donna please", he whispered, begging her not to leave him, just like he did the day before, when he watched the life drain out of her eyes.

 _But this time was different._

His eyes caught her expression.

 _This time, she could hear him._

He saw her sadness, but there was something else.

 _This time, he wasn't too late._

Determination.

 _Except he was._

Something inside him clicked as he finally put all the pieces together, finally understanding what he'd felt when he kissed her, why he thought they weren't on the same page.

Her _kiss_ had been the goodbye.

She'd known she was going to leave him even before she completed her transition. He'd deluded himself into thinking he could be her comfort through all of this, and meanwhile she had drifted further away from him by the second, her plan of leaving strengthening with every touch he stole.

Donna saw the tears swimming in his eyes when his shoulders slumped in defeat, feeling her heart break in that exact moment. But her decision had been made. This wasn't about _them_ , about what they could be or about what they weren't. This was about _her_. About what she needed. And right now, that wasn't him.

Maybe it had never been him in the first place.

"I'm sorry, Harvey."

He caught her hand as she walked away, and she looked down. Ever since she transitioned, she felt his touch so much deeper than before and she couldn't help but wonder if for him, it'd always felt this unbearably intense.

It was too much.

 _It was all too much._

"But I can't."

His grip tightened around her hand for just one long, painful second before he let her go. Gave her up. She didn't turn around again, but she felt his eyes glued to her back as she walked down the dark road, away from him, from the city, from her old life. Simply put, from being human.

.

"We should leave New York, too. At least for a while."

He nodded, knowing she was right. There was nothing keeping him in this place anyway. Not when everything just kept reminding him of Donna. It was the first time since she left that either of them had said a word. Her presence, her scent, her entire being was still all over their apartment. In the big chair she loved. In Harvey's room. In Harvey's bed. He'd never be able to sleep in this bed again. He didn't want to stay in this building, or this city. He just wanted to run and feed and kill until he couldn't breathe anymore. To escape this one thought that kept nagging on his brain.

He hadn't lost Donna. _She had left him_. Deliberately.

And he wanted to hate them both for what they did to him. Jessica for turning her. And Donna for leaving him. But if he turned his back on Jessica now, he'd have no one. He'd be all alone. He couldn't bear the thought of a world without her, especially now. And he hated how weak that made him, this need to have Jessica by his side, no matter what she did. But in the end, wasn't she the only one that would _never_ leave him?

His thoughts wandered to the list he kept in the inside of his pocket, sealed away like a treasure. Could Donna name every single town on that list from the top of her head, too? Was she going to visit the places she wanted them to go to together, one by one?

… Would he maybe, just _maybe_ , find her in one of the cities she listed?

"Let's go to Austin", he said suddenly, getting out of his chair and randomly starting to stuff things within his reach into an open case.

"Austin as in Austin, Texas?", Jessica asked, worry and confusion in her dark eyes. "You _hate_ the weather in the south."

"Did you hear they build a dam recently?"

"Oh Christ, have you been drinking?"

" _Scientific American_ put the dam on their cover. It's a big deal apparently."

The older vampire looked at him with a baffled expression, grabbing his arm and stilling his movements. "Harvey, what's going on? You're acting like a crazy person."

He tried to hold her stare. "We have to get out of New York, there's no way around it. And I wanna check out what all the fuss is about. So, I say we go to Austin."

"Because of a dam?"

"Because of a dam."

Jessica rolled her eyes, knowing all too well he had an ulterior motive he wasn't willing to share. "Will you stop babbling nonsense if I say yes?"

"Yes."

" _Fine_. We'll go." He grinned with satisfaction and carried on packing. He'd cross of every single town on that list until he found her. He deserved a proper conversation. He deserved to know why she needed to deal with this on her own. And if he had to travel halfway across America to do so, then so be it.

Already on their way out, Jessica couldn't help but chuckle. "You do know that dam is destined to break sooner rather than later, right?"

"Shut up."

"Whatever you say. Just remember that I told you so beforehand."

"It won't break!"

"Wanna bet?"

"Sure do."

.

* * *

 _We can't look back for nothing_  
 _Take what you need, say your goodbyes_  
 _I gave you everything_  
 _And it's a beautiful crime_

* * *

 **New York, today**

.

"Babe, can I ask you something?"

Rachel didn't even look up from the stack of files she was working on. "Of course."

"Promise me you won't think I'm crazy."

She frowned. "Mike, have you looked at our life? You'd have to tell me one hell of a story to make me think you're crazy."

His lips twitched. "Right."

Rachel observed him carefully. He was unusually tense. She dropped her pen and moved around the table to sit down beside him, taking his hand. "What's wrong?"

"I can't really explain it", he began. "Recently I've just felt… angrier. Ready to fight."

"That doesn't have to mean anything, honey", Rachel assured him, immediately understanding where his worry came from. "Maybe you've just worked too much."

"That's the thing. I only feel like that when I'm at the firm. More precisely…"

"Yes?"

He sighed. "When I'm around them. I only feel like that when I'm around them."

A cold shiver ran down Rachel's spine.

 _Crap._

"Around who?", she asked, even though she knew the answer already.

"Harvey, mainly. Donna. Jessica sometimes. But mostly Harvey. I know it doesn't make sense."

It made perfect sense, actually.

"I don't know, I feel like I'm going crazy." He laughed humourlessly. "Harvey's and Donna's aggressiveness is probably just rubbing off on me."

 _Something like that_ , Rachel thought grimly. She needed to talk to them. She wouldn't let Mike stay so close to the edge, the risk was just too big.

"I'm sure it's nothing", she said out loud.

"But what if the spell is wearing off? I mean, I trust you and I know you're strong enough, hell, I've seen first-hand how strong you are but maybe it's slowly draining the mojo out of you because it requires so much power to keep everything in check. Or maybe I'm just imagining it because I'm worried about you and about our future together, who knows", Mike rambled on.

"Why don't we talk about it tonight?", Rachel cut in gently. "I just remembered that Donna needs my help with something, and it can't wait. But why don't we order in this evening and just relax a bit?"

He hummed in agreement when she kissed his temple. "Yeah, that sounds like a plan. And a bubble bath perhaps?"

She gave him a quick peck on the lips and smiled. "Only if you join me."

Mike grinned as he watched her walk away. The worry was still nagging on him, but it was easier to ignore now, knowing he had the best partner he could wish for.

Rachel, on the other hand, wasn't so content after their conversation. She was headed to Harvey's office, mentally preparing herself for another long and exhausting confrontation.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Donna standing alone in the room, staring out of the window. Harvey was nowhere to be seen.

A smile broke out of the redhead's lips when she looked up to see it was Rachel who'd just knocked on the office door.

"Mind if I come in?"

"'course not. Do you need anything?"

Rachel leaned against the doorframe and observed her friend, unsure how to tackle their newest problem. She didn't want to drag Mike into this mess, but then again, he already was knee deep in it, vampires or not. The sooner she told them the truth, the better.

Donna seemed to be lost in thought, and it made Rachel's stomach clench nervously.

"Any word from Neil?", she asked carefully.

The vampire shook her head. "Nothing. It's like he was never here."

"That can't be a good thing."

"It isn't."

"So what, we just have to wait it out?"

"It seems like it." Donna gave her a half-hearted smile. "I don't know what else to do. We have no leads, Jessica and Harvey can't even be in the same room right now, and I'm not doing so well either."

Rachel took three steps into the office and sat down next to her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean this. Me opening up to you, talking about my… feelings. Me _having_ feelings. It's a lot to take in after all this time."

The witch threw her a quick glance, eyes encouraging her to go on. To explain. And for some reason, Donna did.

"As a vampire, you feel everything with unbearable intensity at the beginning. And after a while, the feelings fade away until you don't feel anything at all. Except numbness. You'll always feel numb. Empty. Inhumane. And that never really goes away, unless you have someone in your life that manages to evoke other emotions out of you."

"Like Harvey."

Donna nodded. "I guess I forgot how much you can still feel _despite_ being a vampire. All these years I spent on my own, looking back I don't even know what the hell I was doing. Why I was still existing. And then, when I came back, it was like 1903 all over again."

"What happened in 1903?", Rachel dared to ask after a beat, but Donna dismissed it gently. "What matters is that both times, I was unable to cope with the amount of emotions I felt. I couldn't control them, and I hate losing control. Yet, at the same time, I found myself fascinated by the fact that after all these years I did feel again."

She paused, eyes drifting to a meaningless spot on the wall. "I had gotten used to their betrayal over the centuries, it lived as a part within me, and it didn't hurt me anymore. It was just there. But Harvey's words…" She swallowed. "They cut through me like a knife. Every single one of them. I didn't think it was possible to ever feel pain again, and then when he—" Donna swallowed again.

Rachel looked to the side and saw a tear running down her cheek. "Hey, it's okay", she murmured. "I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you."

"Oh, he did", Donna said firmly, and when she turned her head to meet Rachel's eyes she was smiling. The lawyer frowned. "He wanted to hurt me, and he did. After over a century of being dead inside, he reached right into my core and tore me apart all over again. But at least now I feel alive. I feel free."

Rachel stayed quiet, taking in her friend's words. She concluded that she'd never understand how feeling such drastic pain could possibly be better than feeling nothing at all. "I don't know what to say."

Donna's hand found hers and she tugged it gently. "You don't need to say anything. Thank you for listening to my babbling. I know it can be exhausting."

The witch opened her mouth to disagree, but they were interrupted by Harvey stepping into the office, frowning when he saw the two women sitting on his sofa.

"Umm, last time I checked, this was still _my_ office."

"I wanted to talk to both of you", Rachel replied. "And Jessica, if that's— "

"You can tell her another time", Harvey muttered, his voice so low that Rachel didn't dare to argue. Donna's index finger tapped on her hand, bringing Rachel's attention back to her.

"I can tell her later, if you want. But we don't even know what you're talking about."

"It's about me. And Mike."

"Do we look like therapists to you?", Harvey scoffed. Rachel let out a dry laugh. "Oh god, no. But you should really consider seeing one."

"Yeah, over my dead body."

The witch took a breath, trying to keep herself from going too far off topic. "Listen— I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just gonna do it… I'm not the only one here that has powers."

Two pairs of questioning eyes stared back at her.

"Louis", she murmured, quietly hoping they wouldn't bite her head off for keeping it a secret until now.

Harvey's brows shot up. "Come again? Louis has _powers_? What does that even mean?"

Donna looked like she finally found the last piece of the puzzle she'd been trying to solve for weeks. She slapped one hand against her forehead. "He's a witch. Of course."

"Wizard", Harvey automatically corrected.

"Witch", Rachel insisted.

"' _Witch_ ' is the female term."

"So?", Rachel asked, gaze narrowing down on him. "Does calling him a witch magically cut off his balls?"

Harvey opened his mouth to throw something back at her but closed it again when he realised he couldn't think of anything to say. Donna snickered.

"Shut up", he shot in her direction.

"I didn't say anything."

"You were writing a damn novel with your eyes."

She threw him a curious glance that startled him, so he cleared his throat and shifted his focus back to the main conversation with Rachel.

"How come I never run into witches more than twice a decade and then I randomly find not one but _two_ at the firm I'm working for?"

"You don't really think I chose this place 'randomly', do you? Louis is one of the most powerful witches on this continent right now and he's been mentoring me for the last three years. He's the reason I took the job in the first place."

"So, you're not actually here to learn how to be a lawyer, you just wanna float things around and light candles at work?"

"Harvey", Donna warned. He ignored her.

"What else? Is Hardman a zombie, Norma the good fairy and oh, maybe Mike's a werewolf?"

Rachel visibly winced at the last part of the sentence. Harvey's mouth dropped.

"No way."

"Seriously?", Donna asked bewildered.

"No freaking way."

"It's complicated."

Harvey groaned. "What the fuck is this place, a summer camp for every supernatural being to just stroll through and have a good time?"

"He can't be a werewolf", Donna disagreed matter-of-factly. "We would've sensed it if he were. And smelled it, too."

"Plus, I kinda like the kid. And I would never like a werewolf, I have some decency left", Harvey joined in.

"I told you, it's complicated. I permanently suppressed his werewolf side shortly after we first met. He doesn't turn, as long as the spell I put on him is not broken."

Harvey let out an exasperated sigh. " _Lovely._ "

"May I ask why?"

Rachel met Donna's eyes. "Why don't you ask him yourself?" Her head bobbed towards the office door. Mike was approaching them, quietly whistling, blissfully unaware of anything that was going on.

He did _not_ look like a werewolf, Harvey thought. A puppy, maybe. But not in werewolf.

"You promised not to tell him anything", he hissed in Rachel's direction.

"And I didn't. But we gotta be honest with him."

"Why?"

"Because he keeps resisting the urge to rip your throat out and he doesn't understand why."

"You have got to be— "

"How's it going, guys?", Mike beamed, gliding into the office. "Happy to see you two have stopped fighting. I was a bit worried two nights ago."

"Yeah, yeah, we're peachy. Listen, Mike, the grown-ups are talking right now, why don't you just— "

"We have to tell you something", Rachel interfered. Harvey blinked repeatedly, utterly offended by the second interruption within a few seconds.

"We really don't", he gritted through his teeth.

"We do", Donna said sternly. "Why don't you sit down?"

"Umm, okay?" A nervous grin spread across Mike's face. "Did someone die or something?", he joked.

"Several someones actually, but that's not the point right now", Harvey offered dryly.

Mike's eyes almost fell out of his head. "I'm sorry, _what_?"

"Great fucking job, Harvey!"

"What?! You said we should tell him. I'm telling him."

"Not like this, you moron."

"Can you two stop?"

"Did you just call me a moron?"

"Well, you are."

"Guys", Donna groaned.

"Hey, _hey_ ", Mike insisted, voice growing louder, causing Rachel and Harvey to stop glaring at each other and look at him instead. "The hell is going on here?"

Rachel sighed and sat down next to him. "You told me about your aggression towards Harvey, Donna and Jessica earlier."

" _Dude_ ", Mike whispered, eyes widening comically. "You weren't supposed to tell them that."

"But I did. Because it's not your fault. It's a natural response. It's your animalistic instinct."

"I honestly have no idea what you're— "

"Jesus Christ, we're vampires, alright?"

" _Harvey_ ", Donna gasped.

"You really have the subtlety of a hand grenade, don't you?", Rachel growled.

"If you'd have skirted around the obvious for one more second, I would've shown him my fangs", Harvey sneered at her.

"Y— your fangs", Mike stammered.

"Yep, fangs, immortality, thirst for blood, the whole package."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah, it's been a blast, honestly. 10/10 would recommend."

Rachel pinged the bridge of her nose, taking several deep breaths. Harvey's sarcasm gave her a serious headache and she needed a moment to stop herself from throwing him across the room.

"I've never met a vampire before", Mike murmured. He looked like someone had hit him hard against the head. "I didn't think they would look so…"

"Normal?", Donna offered with a small smile.

He nodded. "Yeah. Kinda freaks me out… Wait a second!" His head turned in Rachel's direction, eyes squirming when he saw his fiancée anxiously fidgeting her hands in her lap. "How long have you known about this?"

"Pretty much from the moment they set foot into the firm", she confessed quietly.

"So, you let him _hire me_ and didn't think you should let me know before? They're basically my mortal, or immortal, enemies." Mike couldn't help but giggle at his own bad pun. Harvey rolled his eyes.

"Exactly", Rachel snapped, effectively turning guilt into defensive argumentation in the matter of seconds. "If I would've told you about them, I was afraid that I'd lose control over your situation. You know how important it is to keep you from slipping into aggravated behaviour again. Triggering your aggression, and thus your curse, is not a risk I'm willing to take."

"I still don't get that", Harvey intervened. "How can you choose to permanently repress what you really are? Doesn't it just delay the inevitable? Won't it just make it _that_ much more violent when he finally snaps again?"

"I won't", Mike argued, face heating up with anger. "Snap, I mean. I won't let that happen."

"You can't be sure about that."

"Like hell I can't, Harvey. It's not about what I am, it's about who I am, and who I choose to be. And besides, are you _really_ giving me a lecture about repression? Glass houses and all, is all I'm saying."

His choice of words struck a chord with Donna. Once upon a time, she'd been exactly the same. All about creating her own destiny, making her own choices. Now she knew it was nothing more than an illusion she had hidden herself in to refrain herself from facing reality. She stepped closer before Harvey could and settled down on the edge of the sofa, next to Mike. "I understand."

Their eyes met and he visibly relaxed. "But you need to be aware of the huge risk that surrounds your very existence every single day. It must be hard to actively suppress a part of yourself, whether you like that part or not."

"I'm not 'actively suppressing' it", Mike replied calmly. "Rachel is. It's a spell, so it's bound to her and her powers."

Rachel squirmed slightly when she felt Harvey's and Donna's eyes on her. "What? You're looking at me like I'm a cross between Jesus and the devil."

"I'm beginning to ask myself if you are."

"I'm not, jackass. Mike needed my help and I did the best I could."

"Because you didn't want to be with him if he stayed a werewolf?"

Donna took in a sharp breath. But before she could scold Harvey for being an insensitive dick, Mike had shot up from his seat and gotten dangerously close to his boss. "I might not turn every month anymore, Harvey, but I still have a _terrible_ temper. So watch your mouth, and don't talk about things you know nothing about."

Harvey didn't even flinch. "Then tell us what's really going on here", he responded. "I doubt Rachel just walks around saving werewolves from their terrible fates out of the goodness of her heart. So why did she even cast that spell on you?"

Mike swallowed, walked over to the small glass table and poured himself a scotch. Rachel observed him cautiously. "Honey, you don't have to— "

"I know", he said, giving her a warm smile. "But I should."

Both men sat down across from each other. The tension in the room was palpable despite everyone's pretend outer calmness. Harvey, who'd gotten himself and Donna a drink, too, which she found rather surprising given that they still weren't on the best of terms, nudged his glass in Mike's direction and gave him a stern look. "Spill."

"I was bitten when I was eleven years old", Mike started. His voice was quiet. "I still don't know why I was chosen, I guess the werewolf who did it was just trying to have some fun. She loved biting orphan children to take them under her wing. While they grew up, they would see her as a mother, and they stayed loyal to her for the rest of their lives. She basically built an army of wolves to protect her from everyone that tried to stop her."

"I thought you grew up as an orphan?", Donna asked. "Wouldn't that have made you the perfect fit?"

"That's the thing. I wasn't an orphan at the time. My parents were still alive. But that didn't stop her from trying to win me over. Maybe I was a project to her, an experiment to see if her persuasion would work just as well on a child that still had parents. As you probably know, you don't fully turn into a werewolf until you kill for the first time. So, she tried to provoke me relentlessly and I had terrible temper tantrums because of it. It was like my entire mind and body were begging me to kill, forcing me to give into my new fate."

"And eventually, you couldn't help it anymore."

"I was eleven. I was a _kid_. I couldn't— ", Mike's voice broke. Rachel's hand moved up immediately, drawing small, soothing circles over his shoulder blade.

"I couldn't fight it forever. I freaked out one night when I was at home. My dad tried to calm me down, my mum was right behind him and I…"

He couldn't finish the sentence and shook his head, letting Rachel pull him into a half-hug.

 _Oh no_ , Donna thought.

"You killed your parents", Harvey muttered with complete disbelief. "But you told me they died in a car accident."

"Well I didn't know you were a blood sucking monster then, so sue me for not sharing my traumatic supernatural history at my freaking job interview", Mike spat. "And besides, it was an accident. I couldn't control any of it. It happened in a rush, like I was on drugs or something. It was a full moon night, so I turned for the first time right afterwards. And I didn't have any memory of what happened until I woke up in a field the next morning."

Donna had almost forgotten what deep, genuine sympathy felt like. She didn't pity him, she merely related to his pain.

"I killed seven people that night. And I kept slipping out of anyone's control for the next decade. And then, I met Rachel. I could sense that she was something different, someone who saw the world through the same eyes and with the same knowledge I did. She saved an innocent man from me, and instead of killing me, she offered me her help."

"Why?"

Rachel glared at Harvey. "Because I could see that he wanted to be better. He wanted to fight, and he'd been suffering his entire youth to keep himself conscious and fight the monstrous side of him. He had earned himself a second chance. He was worth it."

The memory hit Harvey as sudden and violently as the silver bullet had the day before. Suddenly, he was kneeling on that ice-cold floor again, his sight blurry, only catching a glimpse of her red hair in the semi darkness. How she settled down in front of him, all bloody and glorious over the recently won fight, ignoring the bodies scattered around them, flashing him a grin so wide and beautiful it made him forget the pain he was in at that moment.

Heard himself mumble "you shouldn't have come here" despite the fluttering in his stomach, heard her huff out an amused "shut up" while she was feeding him blood from the dead human next to him. Remembered her smell, and how their eyes locked, his stare weak but severe, hers with giddiness and something deeper, something that would keep him up at night the following weeks. How she pulled him closer, hands wrapping around his neck, whispering "you're worth it, mister" in a way that was both teasing and so genuine that it made him speechless.

"How does this spell work? Is it bound to his strength of mind, or his conscience?", Donna asked curiously.

Hearing her voice brought Harvey back to reality. He wasn't in a warehouse, barely surviving an attack he _wouldn't_ have survived if it weren't for her. Her fingers weren't moving through the back of his hair right now. Her face, hair and clothes weren't covered in blood, blood she spilled _for_ him, and because of him. Because they used to be ready to sacrifice _everything_ for each other, even, or especially, their lives. Jumping straight into the chaos without thinking twice and with a smile on their faces, enjoying the thrill it gave them.

They weren't like that anymore. Naïve, _stupid,_ feeling truly immortal. Too much had happened. Too much had been lost because of their recklessness.

He wasn't in that warehouse right now. He was in his office, over a century later, so he shook the memory off like a nasty fly before anyone could catch on his weird behaviour and ask him what was wrong.

"It's bound to me, basically, like Mike already said", he heard Rachel explain. "It works like every other spell, which means it's tied to the witch that cast it. I'm slightly limited in my power because part of it is occupied with keeping the spell up all the time. But Louis helped me balance it out more, so I can still gather up a lot of strength without breaking the spell. Still, if I'd ever be cut off my power, or if someone killed me, like Harvey planned to the other day…"

"Excuse me?!", Mike barked.

Well, now Harvey was certainly not thinking of dark, bloody warehouses anymore. "Oh come on, that was two days ago, I'm a whole new person now."

"… the spell would wear off and Mike would turn again every full moon."

"What do you mean he tried to _kill you_?"

"Calm down Mike, don't go all wolfy on me now."

"His aggression is still prominent of course, but it's kind of tucked away somewhere deep inside off him. Vampires manage to provoke it out of him though", Rachel rambled on and grinned from one man to the other. "Obviously."

"You better not touch her again, Harvey, or I promise you I won't need to turn in order to ' _go all wolfy_ '."

"Oh for god's sake, will you two stop yelling?", Donna growled, successfully ending the men's battle for dominance. "Rachel already gave him a taste of his own medicine, Mike. I'm pretty sure she can defend herself just fine."

"Bitch gave me the headache of the century", Harvey muttered under his breath.

"What was that?", Mike snarled, ready to get up and fight his boss again but ultimately being pressed back into his seat by Rachel.

"And I'll do it again if you don't stop being an obnoxious asshole", she warned Harvey.

"Good luck waiting for that", Donna scoffed. "It's been 120 years and he hasn't grown up a bit."

"You're over 120 years old?", Mike gasped, already forgetting his anger again.

What a piss-poor excuse of a werewolf, Harvey thought.

"Damn, you don't look a day over 30."

"Okay, a) I turned when I was 29, so be careful what you're saying. And b), that's kind of the whole point of being immortal, wolfy", the redhead grinned. "You don't age."

Mike groaned. "You're gonna start calling me that all the time now, aren't you?"

"Definitely."

"Fantastic."

"Okay, enough flirting already", Harvey cut in, rolling his eyes. Mike wiggled his brows suggestively. "Why, are you jealous?"

"Fuck off."

"That's a big fat yes."

"No that's a big fat 'I'm gonna kick your werewolf ass if you don't get back to work right now'."

"So, despite my gut wrenching story you three are still not gonna tell me where the hell you were and why several people died yesterday?"

Donna sighed. "We killed a bunch of vampires that attacked us."

"How much is _a bunch_?"

"Well, I guess each of us took care of two dozen vamps."

"You're still a terrible guesser", Harvey moaned.

"Fine, Jessica probably killed more than 30 on her own."

Mike's laughter died when he realised she wasn't kidding. "Seriously?"

"Quit looking at us like that, kid", Harvey chuckled. "Witchy over here had a freakin' barbecue and killed more than me, Jessica and Donna combined."

"Don't call me call me witchy or you're next", Rachel scoffed, arms crossed in front of her chest, a hint of amusement in her eyes when Harvey threw her a quick wink.

"I'm growing on you, aren't I?", he mocked her.

"You wish", she countered, her lips twitching into a small grin despite herself.

Mike, who had followed the conversation with a star struck look on his face, closed his mouth.

"You're a freaking badass", he mumbled, taking his fiancée's hand. She blushed. "Let's not make a big deal out of it, okay?"

"Okay", he nodded slowly, still processing the load of information they'd all exchanged in the last 30 minutes.

"Why were you attacked in the first place?" he wanted to know when his mind finally caught up.

Donna exchanged a look with Harvey and hesitated. "That's a long story. We should probably save it for another time."

"I'll fill you in tonight, over dinner", Rachel offered softly, before quickly adding "only if it's okay with you guys, of course."

Donna bobbed her head, giving her friend a small smile. "That's okay."

"Good. And I'll also look deeper into the spell I've cast on you again. Maybe there's a way to minimize your aggression towards vampires or make an exception for the three you're around all of the time."

"So… no bubble bath?", Mike said after a beat, pouting.

"No bubble bath", Rachel responded firmly. "We have work to do."

Harvey didn't have to ask to know who the alpha in that relationship was.

The four of them got up from their seats, spreading out in different directions.

"While you're at it, is there a spell to make sure he'll never _ever_ piss into the corner of my office?", Harvey called out after Rachel.

Donna elbowed him.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I'll have a look", she quipped ironically.

Harvey didn't seem to notice. "'preciate it."

Mike gently tugged his fiancée's hand and she gave Donna a wave over her shoulder, leaving alongside him with an "I'll see you guys later."

"He's a goddamn werewolf", Harvey exclaimed the moment they were out of hearing range.

Donna tried to rearrange her thoughts.

"She put a fucking curse on him to keep him from eating people."

Donna didn't answer.

"Those are the people we _work_ with, I mean what the hell?!"

"Do you realise what this means?"

"Yeah, don't fuck with Rachel. Duly noted."

"Harvey", Donna groaned impatiently. "Can you stop being a pain in my ass for just a second and focus, please?"

"Focus on what?"

"Focus on how it cannot be a coincidence that you and Jessica started working at a firm that is crowded with supernatural beings. She must've known."

"Maybe she lied to me. Wouldn't be the first time. Actually, I think it's what she does best", Harvey snorted, looking both angry and tired.

"Have you even talked to her yet? Ever since your fight, I mean."

She could practically see the doors to his emotional approachableness slam shut, hiding his vulnerability behind an indestructible wall before she could do anything about it.

"I don't know why I should", he muttered, turning his back on her and moving back to his desk.

"How long are you planning on ignoring her, then?"

"I'm not ignoring her", he countered right away. Donna fought the urge to roll her eyes at his stubbornness. "I have nothing to say to her, that's all."

"We should stick together, you know", she said after a short pause. Harvey was already sitting in his desk chair, eyes glued to a document she knew he wasn't reading. "With Neil so close by, Scottie being…", she swallowed. "… _gone_ , and a firm full of supernatural creatures, we need to have each other's backs."

His eyes shot up to meet hers, cold and sharp. "What, like she had mine when she betrayed me? Or when she did even worse things to you? What exactly do you expect from me, huh? Am I just supposed to forget about it, brush it all aside like she didn't do anything wrong?"

"She tried to protect you."

"I don't care", he barked. "She had _no_ right to do this to me. She's been lying to me for more than 100 years and now you're both acting like it's no big deal, like I'm making a fuss over nothing."

"I didn't say that", Donna replied defensively.

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you need to separate your feelings from what's happening. I get that you're hurt but working together against Neil is more important."

Her eyes widened when the full meaning of what she'd just said hit her, and how it sounded like she thought his feelings were insignificant. "Wait, I didn't mean it like— "

"Wow", Harvey jeered. "Jessica screwed me _and you_ over, but who gives a shit, right? We have bigger problems."

"Harvey…"

"You sound exactly like her, you know", he said, and his tone suggested that it was the furthest thing from a compliment. "You really don't give a fuck about anything anymore, do you? She basically left you behind to die, and then you just… _get over it_ five minutes after seeing her again."

"I've had 108 years to get over it, and I was still struggling when she told me", Donna replied gravely.

"Then how to you expect me to forgive her for writing that fucking letter in the first place when I held on to it for just as long?", he yelled, shooting up from his seat and breathing heavily through his nose.

He didn't mean for it to sound so desperate. He shouldn't even have said anything, judging from the stunned look on her face. There was curiosity in Donna's eyes, accompanied by slight fear of what he'd say next, but also pity.

He turned away from her once more and focused his view on the skyline of Manhattan outside his window. He still felt her eyes on him, glued to his back with an intensity that made him swallow anxiously.

"Harvey." Her voice was thick with concern, and he closed his eyes, asking himself how she could evoke so much emotion out of him by just saying his name.

"What was written in the letter?"

Well. He was not going to open that can of worms. Not today, and especially not with her, since he knew full well that the words he'd clung to for so long had never been Donna's, but a way for Jessica to manipulate him instead. Still, he couldn't understand how on earth Jessica had known about that last set of words she'd written, how she'd known what Harvey said to Donna all those years ago, when even Donna herself didn't know about it; how she could've been so cold to repeat these words in the letter only to make sure he'd believe Donna had written it without a doubt.

In a way, he still did. It'd been those words that had kept him going through the century. When he read them, he had _her_ voice in his head, and the knowledge that he'd been fooling himself for so long didn't erase how deeply he was still affected by the letter. It had been his source of comfort for decades, after all. Something that'd belonged to Donna, after he'd watched everything else of hers burn.

Something to hold on to.

Harvey opened his eyes when he heard Donna stepping closer. She was still waiting for his answer.

"Nothing", he said at last. He knew she wouldn't buy it. Hell, not even Mike would buy a lie as obvious as this one.

"Nothing", Donna repeated disbelievingly. "Really? That's the best you've come up with after not saying a word for over two minutes?"

"Yeah. I'm working on something better. Just give me an hour."

Donna was now standing next to him, trying to catch his eyes. He kept staring outside, afraid his resistance might melt once he'd meet her soft stare.

"It'd be so much easier if you'd be honest with me about this", she murmured. That effectively took him off guard. Couldn't she just get mad at him and throw insults in his face or something?

"Honesty has never been my cup of tea", he joked weakly.

"Well, I'm not one to talk, am I?", she said bitterly. "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. Just… don't judge me for wondering, okay?"

There was so much fragility in her voice, but that was not what made Harvey close his eyes again. It was the shame in her voice that he couldn't bear. He shouldn't make her feel like this.

But in the end, which part of their relationship hadn't been laced with guilt and blame over time?

Was there even a chance for them to start over? Or was the foundation they kept rebuilding it on too fractured, too loaded to even try again?

"I won't", he assured her, lips twitching into a crooked smile. "Promise."

"Okay."

"Okay."

She gave him one last, strange look from the corner of her eye before she left the office, getting back to work like nothing had happened.

.

He didn't see her again until it was dark outside, which was… odd, but gave him enough time to prepare his surprise for her, heart beating out of his chest the entire time. She'd probably been talking to Jessica, he thought. Filling her in on everything, in case she didn't already know.

She came his way in her usual quick pace, carrying a stack of files and giving him an unsure smile when she saw he was waiting for her next to her cubicle.

"Everything okay?"

"Of course. Where have you been?"

She furrowed her brows. "I just came back from the copy room", she gave back, evading his question. "You asked me to make some copies earlier this morning, remember? Also, you need to sign thi– what is that?"

He swallowed, following her eyes to the vial he'd placed on her table a few minutes ago. Not waiting for him to answer, she leaned closer and he heard her gasp when she took a better look at the small bottle.

"That's my old perfume. _Rose Silene_. How on earth did you manage to get one of those? They've stopped selling it decades ago."

"I know."

Her eyes moved up and met his, stunned. "Harvey, did you make this for me?"

"Not really. I merely went into a perfumery and asked them to recreate your scent."

"You still remembered it from all those years ago?", she asked, eyes widening with surprise.

He nodded, halting. "It was hard to forget."

She looked at him like she couldn't quite figure him out, an unsaid question on the tip of her tongue.

Harvey gazed at his shoes like they were the most fascinating thing in the world, squirming under her stare. "It's just— You risked your life for me and all, y'know. You almost died saving me. It felt like I should say thank you."

When he finally had the courage to catch a glimpse at her reaction, her eyes were already focused on the small bottle. Her fingers traced the edges of the costly flask, incredibly moved by his unexpected gesture. He'd remembered every little detail of the shape and colour. Donna hoped he didn't see the tears in her eyes when she took off the lid and sprayed the liquid on her inner wrist.

The familiar scent immediately filled the air and Harvey suddenly couldn't stop staring at Donna while millions of memories flooded his mind in an overwhelmingly quick pace. Suddenly they were back in that room, sharing blood for the first time, and he inhaled her scent like he needed it to breathe. Suddenly she was coming closer to him in the darkness and he could smell her presence more than he could see it before he felt her touching and kissing him. Suddenly he saw her walking away from him again, down that dark, never ending road near Amanda's house, her scent vanishing with her.

It was upsetting how many emotions that particular scent could elicit out of him.

Harvey cleared his throat. She hadn't moved since she had used the perfume and hid her face behind a wall of her beautiful red hair.

"I just— I thought you might like it."

Donna moved her head in his direction and it shocked him to see tears running down her cheek.

"We can't go back to the way we were, Harvey", she whispered abruptly. His throat tightened.

"I know. But we can't stay the way we are, either." His hand reached for the perfume bottle to pull it away. "It was a stupid idea, I'm sorry, I— "

"No", she disagreed firmly, grabbing the bottle before he could take it from the desk, realising too late that his fingers were already wrapped around the flask. It was nothing more than an accidental, quick touch, but it made him flinch and draw his hand back like he burned himself.

She decided not to ask him why. Instead, she pressed her trembling lips together and tried to keep her composure. "Thank you, Harvey. Truly. I can't remember the last time someone gave me something this meaningful."

"It's nothing, really", he tried to shrug off hastily, but froze when he felt one of her hands settling between his neck and his right cheek, forcing him to look her in the eyes. It was an impulsive move, but she couldn't let him walk away thinking so little of himself. She couldn't bear it.

There was a moment when none of them spoke, when all they felt was the strong tingle following the sudden touch of her hand on his skin, and he couldn't look anywhere but her eyes because for the first time since she'd come back into his life, he saw it: The sparkle that made her entire appearance glow. He thought she'd lost it after he left her, somewhere in all the darkness and hurt. He thought he'd never see it again.

"Don't you say that", she gave back. The gentle tone of her voice made his heart flutter. "It means the world to me."

For a second it seemed like she leaned in to bring her face closer to his, but before he could decide if he was just imagining it or not, she let him go, grabbed the perfume bottle and rushed out of the corridor without another word.

Harvey blinked a few times, standing stock-still in between her cubicle and the entrance of his office with wide eyes and a racing heart, surrounded by a cloud of her scent that was the only thing assuring him that what just happened had indeed been real.

* * *

 _ **Everybody's crying so much in this chapter lmao… you must all be true masochist for still following this story. I hope you could still enjoy yourself reading it, and that it wasn't too overwhelming. That last scene was one of the first one's I've ever written for the story, which is why Donna's scent has been emphasized so heavily in the flashbacks before.**_

 _ **Also, I made another trailer for this chapter, which you can check out on my twitter page ( malagenabolaka). I didn't put it in the A/N at the beginning because it's slightly spoiler-y.**_

 _ **It might be some time before I can post the next chapter. Real life keeps getting in the way. But it gives you some time to recover from that depressing flashback and brace yourself for the next one. More darkness is coming. Hehe.**_


	7. Chapter 7: Stay One Step Away

_**Well… hello there. Didn't I tell you I would be terrible with frequent updates when I first started writing this fic? I've been working relentlessly on this chapter ever since april, and I swear this was meant to be a transition chapter but now it's so much more than that. Lot's of character stuff, two twists you might hate or love me for… probably hate lol. Only took me 17.5k to wrap it all up, so let's dive in!**_

 _ **Song: sunset by the xx. You might know it from**_ **that** _ **machel scene in the file room, but I've actually loved it for years and I would die for this band, so check it out.**_

 _ **Have fun reading and let me know what you think**_

 _ **xx P.**_

* * *

 _ **Chapter Seven: Stay One Step Away**_

 _I always thought it was sad  
The way we act like strangers  
After all that we had  
We act like we had never met_

* * *

 **Somewhere between New Year's Day and 1903**

.

 _She's walking._

 _She doesn't know where._

 _She doesn't know since when._

 _She just keeps walking._

 _She keeps walking until she can't walk anymore, until she breaks down in the middle of the darkness._

 _It smells like a forest._

 _She doesn't know where she is._

 _She keeps walking, although she feels like she can't anymore._

 _Every time she stops, she sees his face._

 _So she keeps walking._

' _I'm not in love with him', a voice says._

 _Her own voice._

 _A memory._

' _I'm not in love with him', she told Neil._

 _She doesn't know if she was right or wrong._

' _I was doing my job.'_

 _She doesn't know what's real and what isn't._

 _She feels everything, and nothing at all._

 _The sun comes up, and she's still walking._

 _She doesn't know where, but she's hungry._

 _Whoever crosses her path first won't survive._

 _She could go back._

 _She should go back._

 _He told her to stay._

 _She keeps walking, because when she stops, all she sees is his face._

' _Donna. Donna please.'_

 _She keeps walking._

 _._

 _It's a girl. She can't be older than 14. She stops dead in her tracks when Donna crawls out of the woods, covered in dirt and shaking. She asks her if she is okay._

 _Donna has her teeth in her neck before she can say anything else._

 _She leaves the girl behind to die before she can feel bad about it._

 _When she finally does, it's too late to go back and save her._

 _She doesn't know where she is._

 _She keeps walking._

 _._

 _She stops counting after the sun rises for the 6_ _th_ _time._

 _After that, it all becomes a blur._

 _Time and place don't exist._

 _They don't matter._

 _She feeds and feeds and feeds._

 _She doesn't know where she is._

 _She doesn't know when she is._

 _She stops walking._

 _Things get messy one time._

 _She doesn't remember much of it._

 _She doesn't remember much of anything._

 _She wakes up in a room filled with bodies._

 _It must've been her doing._

 _There is no one else there with her._

 _She's all alone._

 _._

 _She slips in and out of consciousness, drawn to specific places._

 _She doesn't remember why._

 _She just walks until she arrives._

 _She never stays for long._

 _She never remembers how long._

 _It's all a blur._

 _When she wakes up, their faces are all she sees. His more often than hers._

 _Sometimes she hears his name like an echo in her head._

 _Ringing._

 _Harvey._

 _It's like a punishment._

 _Sometimes she forgets about them, too, like she forgets about everything else._

 _Sometimes she even forgets their names._

 _Chicago, she remembers._

 _Chicago is next._

 _It's the wrong way, but that's the right way._

 _It's the only way._

 _._

 _She starts craving touch._

 _Emotion._

 _Connection._

 _She leaves._

 _There's one place left and it's all over._

 _She's waiting to feel something._

 _She sees fireworks and she does._

 _It's sudden, like a wave crashing down on her._

 _It hurts so much._

 _Her chest might explode._

 _So she feeds, and she feels something else._

 _Something better._

 _She's ecstatic, if only for a moment._

 _The world is sharp, if only for a moment._

 _It all blurs again soon afterwards._

 _._

' _It's okay', a voice says._

 _She wakes up._

 _She's surrounded by blood._

 _Surrounded by darkness._

 _She doesn't know what year it is._

 _She doesn't know where she is._

' _I'm here', a voice says._

 _She craves touch._

 _She misses them._

 _She misses him._

 _For the first time in a long time, she wants to cry._

' _I can help you', the voice says._

 _She knows she shouldn't believe it._

 _She's alone._

 _Everything is a blur._

 _She doesn't know where she is._

 _But there is this voice._

 _There's this lifeline._

 _It's been so long since there's been a lifeline._

' _Let me help you.'_

 _She shouldn't._

 _But it's been so long._

 _She's been alone for so long._

 _She shouldn't._

 _She inches closer to the voice anyway._

 _She craves connection, emotion._

 _She craves touch._

 _It doesn't matter from who._

.

 **New York, summer of 1903**

.

He took a deep breath and got out of the carriage. The sight of the house in front of him made his gut twist. For a moment, he wanted nothing more than to turn around and leave this place behind. Amanda was Donna's family, not his. He shouldn't be here.

It'd been three years. They had just come back to New York yesterday.

He still hadn't found Donna, although his search for her had been relentless. He'd dragged Jessica through the entire country, crossing off the places from the list one by one. But she was nowhere to be found, so Harvey eventually gave in and agreed to return to New York like Jessica had planned.

Harvey sighed. He really shouldn't be here. He still had time to turn around and not put himself through this. Jessica had told him not to visit Amanda, saying it would only bring back things he's been trying to push down for the last few years.

There was still time to turn around and go back home.

The decision was made for him when Amy, the daughter of the family's main handmaiden, caught his eye and approached him. "Mr. Specter", she said, her lips curling up in a slight smirk when she bowed her head in what felt like mocking obedience. Harvey didn't mind. He'd always been fond of Amanda's house staff, and Amy in particular. She'd grown noticeably in the last three years, from a kid to a now 17-year-old woman that held herself with a lot more confidence than she used to.

"Amy. You've aged."

"Well, you have neither aged nor grown in the slightest… _sir_ ", she fired back easily.

Harvey flashed her a grin. "Is the family home?"

"Yes." She led him down the path toward the main door. "All six of them."

He stopped dead in his tracks. "Six?"

Amy bit her lips, fighting a chuckle. "Oh, you have missed so much."

"Don't tell me Amanda gave birth three times since I last saw her. That poor woman."

She frowned, urging him to move into the hallway. "No, she gave birth once. Last year."

Harvey answered that with an honest smile. "Good for them. But who are the other two, then?"

Amy looked at him like he was joking, but then she seemed to realise that his confusion was entirely genuine. Her face fell. "Oh no. You really don't know. I thought that's why you came back."

"Know what?"

"Oh dear god, you're not going to take this well."

"Amy, what— "

"I'll announce you to the missus, wait here." She quickly disappeared around the corner and left him standing dumbfounded in the large hallway. His finger started twitching nervously. He had no idea what was going on, but judging from Amy's behaviour, he was in for a surprise as huge as it was unwanted. He suddenly wished he would've brought Jessica with him. She might not stand the mere sight of him at the moment, but she still managed to keep his mind focused. And despite his behaviour over last three years, she hadn't left him behind.

She had never left him behind.

His nervousness faded away like it was nothing when the door to his right opened and Amanda appeared in front of him, still radiantly beautiful with her green eyes and fiery red hair.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?", he beamed.

"Harvey." She came closer and pulled him into a hug. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her, taking a moment to breathe her in. "How have you been?", she whispered into his ear, words layered with a lot more meaning than they should be.

"Oh, you know. It's been…"

Amanda drew back at the nothingness that was his answer to look at him. "But you're okay?", she asked, studying him heedfully, in a way only she and Donna could.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good."

"Don't you go stealing my wife now", another voice said.

"Adam, how the hell are you, my friend?" Harvey slapped Amanda's husband on the back cordially, a grin plastered on his face.

"Terrific, mainly because of this little guy here." Adam jerked his head toward the small boy that he was holding.

Harvey's features softened. "Hey there, little fella. What's your name?" He didn't really expect an answer, but the boy wrapped his small hand around Harvey's finger. "Arthur", he babbled.

Harvey was stunned. "How old is he?"

"18 months. He's a sharp one, so he definitely isn't yours." Amanda threw him a wink when Harvey put a hand over his chest, acting offended.

"So, where's my favourite family member, then? Where's my little girl?"

On cue, Adelia came running around the corner, yelling, "Uncle Harvey", and throwing herself into his arms. He embraced her tightly, both touched that she still remembered him so well and in disbelief over how big she'd gotten. The last time he'd seen her, she'd been barely four years old.

"If this isn't my Ada. Hey you", he murmured into her hair. "You've changed."

"I'm six now", she clarified proudly, her head still buried in his chest.

"Six? God, that's _so_ old. How does it feel to be that old?"

Adelia giggled and looked up at him with sparkling eyes. "You're silly."

"It's what I do best, pumpkin." He rubbed her back, looking over to Amanda, who was still observing the situation with a bright smile on her face.  
"It's good to be back." Harvey's grin disappeared as quickly as it had come when two other people joined them in the hallway.

A stranger; and Donna.

 _Donna._

Harvey must've said her same out loud because her eyes slid up to meet his. He felt like something very sharp, very cold ran down his spine.

She looked… different. Beautiful, but different. Everything about her appearance didn't sit right with him. For the first time since he'd first met her, she was dressed and made up entirely appropriately. Instead of letting it fall openly over her shoulder, her hair was strictly combed back and pinned up. Her dress was white, high-necked and embraided with pastel-coloured flowers. Her spark was gone. She looked pale, bland and indifferent.

She looked like a doll.

"Harvey." Her tone of voice lacked any emotion whatsoever. "I didn't know you'd be here."

"I didn't know you'd be here, either. Otherwise I would've spared myself the trip to Austin, and definitely wouldn't have almost drowned in the flood looking for you."

She raised her brows. "You were looking for me?"

"Oh, don't give me that shit, Donna", Harvey barked. Now that the first state of shock was over, his mind went straight to anger. Anger over her leaving him. Anger over her rejecting him. Anger over her hurting him.

Anger over her breaking his heart.

"You knew damn well I spent the last three years searching for a trace of you, don't you fucking dare play coy."

"Harvey, language", Amanda warned, her eyes pointing at Adelia. The girl was still looking up at Harvey, but her eyes were now round and intimidated by his rage.

"Come on, sweetheart", Adam cut in, taking his daughter's hand and leading her out of the hallway. "Let's go play fetch in the garden."

Amanda gave her husband an appreciating nod when he passed her.

"So, when did you come back to town?", Harvey asked when Adam and the kids had left.

"A few days ago."

"Huh."

Donna squinted her eyes. "You didn't know."

"Yeah, no shit, Donna."

"Watch your mouth, _Harvey._ " Harvey's eyes moved to the man standing next to Donna. The tone of his voice suggested pure hostility.

"And who the fuck are _you?_ "

The man took one step closer to Harvey.

"Gentlemen", Amanda cautioned them again, but before she could do anything, Donna had already walked between the men, holding her hand against the stranger's chest. Harvey noticed the light being reflected by something on her ring finger and for the second time in the span of a few minutes, his world stopped turning.

"Harvey. This is Stephen Huntley." A pause. Harvey looked at her mouth, not knowing if he heard what she said next or if he just read it from her lips. Blood was rushing through his ears.

"My fiancée."

The floor gave away underneath him.

Harvey had a weird feeling in his gut. It was like his stomach did a somersault but then somehow kept falling. The anger ebbed away, allowing hurt, desperation and devastation to crawl to the surface; emotions Harvey definitely wouldn't like to have in front of Donna and her fiancée.

Fiancée. The word was like a punch in the face.

"I should go", he rasped, shaking off Amanda's hand on his arm.

"Harvey", Amanda mumbled, the empathy evident on her face. "I'm— "

Harvey cut her off with a wave of his hand.

Donna didn't move a muscle. "Give Jessica my regards."

Their eyes met.

Harvey wished he could be angry enough to snap her neck. Instead, he choked out a "Congratulations", turned on his heel and practically ran out of the door.

.

"Did you know?!"

Jessica groaned quietly. She was so fucking tired of Harvey's shit. The past three years had drained her of every bit of patience she's had for him. He'd been restless in Austin, suddenly telling her he wanted to visit Chicago again, and then Boston, and New Orleans after that. They've basically been zig zagging through the country, pushed forward by Harvey's search for something – or someone – he refused to tell her about, and also by Jessica's guilt for turning Donna, no matter how much time had passed.

They hadn't seen her since that New Year's Day in 1900. Harvey kept denying it, but Jessica knew they'd jumped from one city to the other because he was hoping to run in to her. A few months ago, he had actually managed to convince her to go to fucking _Smyrna_ before he had finally dragged her back to Austin, just in time to watch that goddamn dam break _exactly_ like she told him it would three years before.

She had put her foot down after that. He had his fun, and he'd made enough enemies with his reckless behaviour to last five lifetimes, so she'd decided it was time to go back to New York. He'd raised concerns if that was really the best idea, given that the Paulsen's were still there, and they still hated their guts, but when Jessica asked him if he'd prefer her leaving him to drown in the flooded town they were in at that moment, he'd agreed rather quickly.

And now he came running into the room, knocking over her favourite vase and not even flinching when it shattered into a dozen pieces on the floor next to him; he was too busy eyeing her furiously.

 _Here we go_ , she thought. "Good afternoon to you, too, Harvey."

"Don't bullshit me! Did you know Donna was back in town?"

"Yes", Jessica replied calmly. "I thought you wanted to find her. Now you've found her. And besides, we had to get out of Austin sooner rather than later."

"It wasn't that bad."

"Almost half of the dam broke, you moron."

"That's not the point of this conversation right now." He paused to look at her. "Did you know she got engaged?"

Jessica sighed.

"You knew, didn't you?"

"I told you not to go there. I told you it'd only upset you to— "

"I can't believe this." Harvey was pacing through the room, running his fingers through his hair. "You let me stroll right in there like a freaking idiot when you had enough time to at least warn me."

"I _told_ you— "

"Oh fuck off, honestly."

"Alright, that's enough." Jessica rose from her chair and closed the distance between them. "I want you to get your shit together and listen to me right now."

Harvey huffed out an annoyed breath, but stayed silent, hesitantly meeting her stern glare.

"You need to see the situation out of her perspective. She died because you couldn't save her— "

Harvey bit his cheek so hard he drew blood.

"—And she came back because I turned her without her consent. Then, she cut ties with everyone she knew and ran off to god knows where to do god knows what. Alone, as a newly turned vampire. The very thing she's been trained to kill, and loathe, since she was born. We can be glad she's still alive. Donna has been through hell, Harvey and she went through the entirety of it on her own. Don't judge her for her actions."

Harvey shook his head. "She didn't _have_ to go through it alone, we were there to help her, we were trying to make her stay."

Jessica scoffed. "Yeah, right. Two of the three people directly involved in her death offering to help her with her trauma, with the third person, her brother, who killed her, being close by."

Harvey took her words into consideration. "What do you expect from me, Jessica?", he asked eventually, tiredly rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Let it go."

"What?"

"Let it go. Leave her be. If she is hellbent on pushing us away, then so be it. Let her. It's her right."

Something Donna said years ago came back into Harvey's mind. Something she had said about him and Jessica.

 _When are you going to realise that as long as you're under Jessica's influence, she's gonna keep making decisions for you?_

Suddenly, the anger was back, pumping through Harvey's veins, begging to break out.

"This is all your fault", he spat.

"Excuse me?"

"If you hadn't forced her to drink your blood, she would've never left. She wouldn't have become this weird, unfeeling version of herself, she would've never met this Stephen guy, and she sure as hell wouldn't be engaged right now!"

"Harvey, we've been over this a million times, I didn't want to turn her, but I saw no other choice."

"Donna was right." He shook his head in disbelief. "You keep making decisions for me, like that's your right. But it isn't. This is my life, Jessica; my choice."

"I don't make decisions _for_ you, Harvey, I make them _because of you_. Because you keep screwing things up without thinking about the consequences, because you were going to turn that poor girl just because you wanted to be with her, and the only way to stop you was to forestall you and show you what mistake you would've made otherwise."

Harvey cussed loudly. " _That poor girl?_ Are you serious? Don't act like I was forcing this on her, she came to me with the idea and I told you that I thought she could be my student."

"And I told you you're full of shit and that whole mentor student thing was just an excuse to turn her. You two aren't meant to be that way, Harvey, and you know it."

"You do realise that because of what you did, Donna will never have a mentor right? Since you turned her? Every vampire can only choose one person to mentor, not two."

"I know that."

"So what, she's just gonna have to do this on her own for the rest of her existence?"

"If she chooses that path, then yes. But does she have people around her, people that can be there for her and help her."

"Helping her and mentoring her aren't the same thing. She's never gonna have the bond you and I share with anyone. She's never gonna have anyone to rely on as much as that someone relies on her."

"If you would've turned her, it would've been the same, Harvey. Only worse, because you would've condemned your relationship with her to fail."

Harvey took a step back. His head was filled with thousands of thoughts, predictions, fears. But the anger that pulsated through his entire body was stronger than anything else. He wanted to hurt her. Not physically, that wouldn't be enough. He wanted her to be hurting like he was.

"I had already changed my mind."

Jessica's shocked expression gave him some kind of sick satisfaction. "What do you mean?"

"On New Year's Eve, when— ", he cleared his throat. "I changed my mind. I realised turning her would be selfish. I realised that I couldn't do this to her, that she would be better off without me. I thought about compelling her to forget me, but decided that ultimately, it was her decision if she wanted to stay with us or not. And if she would insist on being turned into a vampire, I would've searched for a mentor with her." He swallowed and the only thing that kept him going at this point was the pure horror written all over Jessica's face. "I wanted to tell her, I just didn't know how. And the next time I saw her, she was dead."

"Harvey… I am so— I am so sorry", Jessica whispered, almost choking on her words.

"I don't care." He gave her one last look, emotionless and calculating. "I will never forgive you for this", he simply said, and then he was gone. Jessica sank into her chair and tried to steady her breathing.

Part of her already wished they'd never come back to town.

.

Donna cursed underneath her breath. Her corset was so tight that it cut off her circulation. It made her jumpy, on edge. Hungry. She longed for a scotch and ordered a bottle of champagne instead.

"I hope you're not planning on finishing the entire thing by yourself."

To Donna's surprise, the voice belonged to Amanda, who appeared next to her and signalised the bartender to add another champagne glass. "That would be terribly unlady-like."

"Since when do I care about my reputation?"

Amanda stared at her for a moment too long, as if she couldn't quite figure her out. "Since recently, it seems." Her fingers tapped against the bar surface.

"Why are you here, Amanda?"

"What do you mean?"

"You hate soirees. And balls. And anything that requires any formalities whatsoever. You've stayed away from the public eye for so long, people started to believe you were dead, or had gotten obscenely fat, or both."

Amanda hummed. "So what? Looks like I'm getting back in the saddle. Proving I'm not dead. Or fat."

"Ames."

"Don."

"Be honest with me."

"You're not gonna like it."

"That has never stopped you before."

"Well, I knew you better than I knew myself before."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm worried about you, Donna. I haven't seen you in weeks." Amanda's eyes were sharp, the green orbs brighter than usual. "You haven't been yourself since you came back. You've completely detached yourself from anyone and anything except your fiancée. Who is shady as hell, I might add."

Donna stared ahead at the small stage behind the set-up tables, watching the musicians playing their instruments with mild fascination.

She was itching to dance.

She stayed still, correcting her posture.

"Stephen saved me."

Amanda snorted into her glass. "Did he?"

"Yes", Donna snapped. "He did."

"That's funny, to me it seems more like you gave up and he turned you into his doll."

"Gave up on what, exactly? Gave up on hunting? Gave up on the person that killed me and the rest of that poor excuse of a family? You're damn right I did."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it. You gave up on him. On them."

"We're not gonna talk about this."

"Don— "

"Shut up Amanda, before I make you shut up."

Amanda took a step back. "Right, you haven't changed at all."

Donna swallowed, correcting her posture again. Her cousin's irritation only grew.

"Just… don't mention them and we're good."

"They came back three weeks ago."

"I'm aware."

"You haven't even seen them since Harvey stumbled out of my house."

"I am aware of that, too."

"They are going to attend this dinner tonight."

"Are you merely listing things I already know?"

"You can't ignore them forever."

Donna threw her a contemptuous glance. "Watch me."

Amanda shook her head. "You can't will this away. You considered them your family, you brought them into my family. Hell, my own daughter considers them to be family. That doesn't disappear just because you want it to. You need to talk to them. You need to explain to him— "

"Explain _what_ to him?", Donna growled, her eyes bright and dangerous when she stepped into Amanda's personal space, towering over her. "I have nothing to say to him and if you don't back off right now, Ames, so help me god, I will rip your head off."

Amanda blinked. Once, twice.

She wasn't scared, Donna could sense that. She was hurt.

"You can try to scare or push me away all you want, Donna", she finally said. "I'm not quitting you."

She finished her glass of champagne and turned her back on Donna, halting when she saw the pair that had just entered the room. She looked back over her shoulder and crooked up a brow. "Oh, and just as an aside: neither will he. We both know that."

Donna's eyes widened, eventually fixating on Jessica and Harvey coming closer to the bar. She wanted to stay. More than anything, she wanted to wait here until they saw her.

She disappeared through a side door, looking for Stephen instead.

.

When he separated himself from Jessica he could've sworn he saw Donna's red hair for a moment, but when he looked through the room, she was nowhere to be found. He probably imagined it. It was hard to recognise her these days, anyway.

One person Harvey did recognise immediately was the man standing near a beautiful arched window. The hard, defined features of his face. His thin, strictly combed back brown hair. His dark, raven-like eyes. That disgusting, arrogant smirk.

Harvey made his way to him without realising it, pushed forward by a rage so intense his mind went completely blank. A rage so strong his eyes didn't see anything but him. He almost let out a yelp when, seemingly out of nowhere, a small, warm hand pressed against his chest.

"Don't", a familiar voice said, both strict and understanding.

"Amanda—? What on earth are you doing here?", Harvey stammered, his anger momentarily forgotten.

"Keeping you from throwing Neil through that window it seems."

"You can't keep me from doing that."

"I can. And I will. Neil isn't worth destroying that piece of art, so behave yourself, please."

Harvey sighed. "What are you really doing here?"

"Looking after my mess of a cousin, of course."

"Donna is here?"

Amanda scoffed. "You know damn well she's here, it's the only reason you came."

"Have I mentioned that I really haven't missed you?", he groaned, earning himself a smirk from her. "Liar."

Her facial expression went back to worried and tense after a beat. "You shouldn't stir up trouble. Not with Neil, not with Stephen. It won't do you any good."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"I'm not. I'm trying to convince you that you won't get Donna back this way."

"Who says I want her back?"

"Get your head out of your ass, Harvey."

"Excuse me?!"

"You can fool yourself, but you can't fool me. You never could"

"How about you stay out of this, Amanda. This isn't your fight."

Her eyes widened, voice quickly lowering into a hiss. "Oh, it isn't? So my cousin Neil didn't slid my other cousin Donna's throat? Donna didn't give up her freedom so that I could be free all those years ago? Donna didn't come back as a vampire and is spiralling thanks to her involvement with _you_ and Jessica, and no one knows the full story except us?"

Harvey had a sudden lump in his throat. Amanda shook her head and stepped aside, making the way free for Harvey. "You know what? If you want to go and make a scene right now, go ahead. Expose us all. Rip Neil's heart out in a room full of witnesses; it will help nobody, least of all Donna. But I won't stop you. If you want to light everything on fire, go ahead."

Harvey held her stare for what felt like an eternity. Then, he said, "I'm sorry", and pushed past her, headed towards Neil. He was still a few feet away when Neil's eyes landed on him, his mouth twisting into another one of his smirks.

"Long time no see, Harv", he called out with fake excitement.

Harvey clenched his hands into fists, his nails boring into the flesh with so much force that they drew blood. Amanda was right. This was a mistake, and a confrontation would only make all of their situations so much worse.

Harvey would be damned if he'd give a shit.

"You have some nerve showing up here", he seethed.

"Do I now?" Neil raised his brows tauntingly. "If I remember correctly, this is my city and my duty is to defend it from monsters like you."

"You really want to start talking about monsters?" Harvey took a step closer and brought his face near the hunter's. "Neil", he said, voice dangerously low. "The only reason you're still breathing is because Donna allows you to. The _second_ she changes her mind, you better start running. Because I will find you, and I will torture you until you'll beg me to end your pathetic waste of a life."

"Easy, Casanova." Neil held his stare, the derision still prominent on his face and in his voice. "You wouldn't want to get your sweet little vampire teeth out in a room full of hunters."

Harvey clenched his jaw. "I don't care. It'll be worth it."

"Look at you, defending Donna's honour like a knight in— well, blood-drenched armour, I guess."

"You know _nothing_ about honour. Or Donna."

There was a sudden glint in Neil's eyes. "Oh, but you would know, wouldn't you? You would know everything about Donna. That's what got her almost killed in the end."

Harvey tried to stay focused; tried to force down the guilt that was eating its way up. "You slit her throat, you son of a bitch, not me."

"I did", Neil replied dryly. "But you know I wasn't talking about that."

Harvey frowned.

Neil opened his mouth to elaborate, but then he crooked his head to the side, taking in Harvey's confusion with dangerous glee. "I see. You really don't know."

"Know what?", Harvey growled, grabbing Neil's collar. "The hell are you talking about?"

"She still didn't tell you", Neil chuckled, unfazed by Harvey's physical attack. "Tell me, how does it feel to constantly be on the leash of two women, one of which would rather run off and get engaged to a stranger than come back to you?"

Harvey would rip his head off. One clean stroke, and that fucker wouldn't laugh at him anymore.

He would—

"Harvey." Donna's voice behind him was low, but it had a sharp edge to it. An edge he knew and used to avoid like he avoided blackthorn. "Can I have a word?"

He considered his options. He could beat the shit out of this bastard in front of him, wipe that smirk off his face and skin him alive. Or he could walk away.

"Come on", she said, softer now, and he let himself be led out of the room by following her voice before he knew what he was doing. She walked through a small door at the side and Harvey took a moment to turn his head and look back at Neil, startled when he saw Stephen Huntley standing next to him. They looked… oddly acquainted.

His mind was spinning when he joined Donna in the small side room at last. He closed the door behind him.

"What do you think you're doing?", she snapped the second the door clicked shut.

"I'm entering a room."

"Stop it. You know what I'm talking about."

Harvey blinked. "Do I? Because as far as I'm concerned, I have no idea what the fuck you're thinking."

"Pardon me?"

"You heard me." He took a step closer. She took a step back, her eyes full of warning. "What happened to you, Donna? What is the deal with you and Stephen? Why are you back in town and on speaking terms with your brother, the man who killed you? Christ, why are you dressed like that?"

"It's been three years, Harvey", Donna answered with nonchalance he didn't buy. Her fingers were tracing along the edge of the heavy mahogany table next to her. "Things change. I changed."

"Then why does it all feel like a mask? Why does it feel like you're pretending?"

Her eyes snapped up to meet his. "I'm not."

Harvey chewed on the inside of his cheek. "What about Stephen?"

"What about him?"

"How long have you known him?"

She stayed silent for a long time. Harvey waited, ignoring the tension growing thicker with every second that passed.

"Couple of months", Donna eventually said. "I was in Austin and in a very bad shape. He helped me out of it. He saved me."

Everything about her sentences seemed rehearsed, like she's said it a million times before, like she had to say it out loud to believe it herself. But another thing caught his attention as well.

"You were in Austin?"

"I was."

"So you _were_ going off the places on the list."

She shrugged. "I guess I was. I was doing it backwards."

Harvey almost let out a groan. Of course she'd do it backwards. How had he not thought of it himself? "I've been looking for you", he said quietly, staring at the ugly sculpture next to the window behind her.

"I know. That's why I went to the places in the wrong order."

Their eyes locked hesitantly.

"I didn't want you to find me."

Deep down inside, he'd known. He'd known the only reason he couldn't find Donna was because she didn't want to be found. Still, it hurt to hear her say it.

"So", he uttered, clearing his throat. "Known the guy for a couple of months and already got engaged, huh? Good for you."

"Save your sarcasm, Harvey, a couple of months is an entirely appropriate time to get to know each other and decide to marry."

"It's still fast."

Now there was honest irritation in her eyes. "It's not? Adam and Amanda got married after three months."

"Yeah, but they were in love."

"And what makes you think I'm not in love with Stephen?", she fired back.

He looked at her open-mouthed, like she was insane. "Your fucking _face_ does, Donna."

For the first time, he saw genuine emotions crossing her face. She seemed taken aback by his bluntness, but that only aggravated him more. Harvey started pacing up and down, burying his face in his hands. "For Christ's sake, what are you doing? Is this some sort of punishment?"

"Of course you would think this was about you." Donna let out a cold laugh. "Everything always has to be about you, doesn't it, Harvey?"

"That wasn't what I meant."

"Like hell it wasn't."

Harvey stopped pacing, right in front of her. "Are you saying I'm really the only one here that finds it hard to believe you were 'in a bad place' and Stephen just _happened_ to pop up out of nowhere, and he _happened_ to be exactly what you needed, and you two _happened_ to fall in love and your family _happened_ to get along with him perfectly?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I do, actually. I saw him a few minutes ago. He's talking to Neil a few feet from us right now, like they've been buddies since they've been old enough to crawl."

Donna crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You don't know shit about Stephen."

"You're right. I don't. Do you?"

She tensed up, but Harvey kept pushing despite it. "Do you know a thing about him? Does he know what happened to you?"

"No, Harvey, he doesn't", she jeered, almost yelling now. "I didn't get the chance to tell him that my brother slit my throat and let me bleed out in a hallway because I didn't fit my family's expectations any longer. Let me know if you figure out how to find the right moment to tell someone that."

"So, he doesn't know you at all."

Donna took a step closer. "Shut up."

"You really want to spend the rest of your life with someone that doesn't know who you are?"

"Shut up!"

"Someone that doesn't know _what_ you are?"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Then tell me _why._ Tell me why him."

They stared at each other, hard, heated. They were so close that Harvey was surrounded by her scent, a scent he didn't recognise, because she'd changed her perfume like she changed everything else, including herself.

Donna's stare dropped to his lips and he couldn't help but follow her movement. His hand slid forward, a mere inch away from her arm.

The door opened with a sudden bang and Donna flinched so hard that she stumbled back several steps, escaping Harvey's hand that had snapped further forward instinctively to keep her from falling.

Amanda took in the situation in front of her, tilting her head awkwardly. "My apologies. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You didn't interrupt anything", Donna said, flattening her dress and stiffening her posture.

"Right. I came to let you know dinner is being served, and the Paulsen clan has officially decided to dine together."

Judging from her face, that was the last thing Amanda wanted. She met Harvey's eyes. "Apparently, that now includes you and Jessica."

.

To say the dinner was awkward was a vast understatement. Whoever decided on the seating chart had a dark sense of humour. Jessica's money was on Neil. Between poor Adam being seated next to Edward Darby, Amanda on his other side having to endure furious glances from her father sitting next to her, Jessica being put next to James Paulsen, who shot her a dangerous smile and said, "We're all friends here, aren't we, Miss Pearson?", and Donna sitting in-between Stephen and Harvey, the tension around the table was already unbearable before they'd all sat down.

Halfway through dinner, Jessica had stopped counting the worried looks Amanda kept giving Harvey and Donna – she was clearly not comfortable sitting across the round table from them, and thus so far away that she wouldn't be able to step in if things went wrong –, and she had also started to ignore Owen Paulsen's snide comments directed at herself, Harvey, Amanda and Adam. She just prayed they'd get through the evening without one of the participants ending up dead on the table.

"Tell me, Amanda, how are your children?", Neil asked, a cold smile playing around his lips. Harvey froze, and then gripped his fork so tightly the metal started bending.

"They are fine", Amanda replied politely, eyes fixed on Neil like she was daring him to say more.

"Have they started hunting yet?"

Donna's glass slipped out of her fingers and Harvey's hand darted forward to catch it, only to realise Stephen had done the same and now both of their hands were clenched around her glass. Donna cleared her throat, whispered, "Thank you, Stephen", and avoided Harvey's eyes. Harvey drew his hand back slowly, he himself avoiding Jessica's eyes. Looking at her would only make him feel more embarrassed.

Amanda was still pinning Neil down with her stare.

"Hunting?", Darby asked, raising his brows.

"Well", Neil continued, obviously the only person at this table that was enjoying himself. "Our family has a habit of teaching children how to hunt from the youngest possible age. Hunting everything from rabbits to deers to…", his voice trailed off while his eyes jumped from Jessica to Harvey before they settled on Donna. "…bigger things."

Jessica wished she could rip his throat out. She also wished Donna would stop ignoring her existence, especially since she had the growing suspicion that Neil knew exactly what happened to Donna that New Year's Eve, and Donna might've misjudged the situation back then. Or she might've misjudged everything ever since.

"That seems like a proper approach", Darby said good-naturedly, entirely oblivious of the double meaning Neil's words held. "Children can't start hunting early enough. It builds character."

James and Owen Paulsen nodded in agreement. Harvey rolled his eyes. Amanda bit her cheek until she couldn't help but retort with a tight, "I guess we are trying a different approach with our little ones. No hunting for them."

Darby patted Adam on the back and gave him a conspiratorial wink. "Good thing women aren't in charge of deciding if a man wants to take his son out for a hunt, eh?"

Adam forced out a nervous laugh but said nothing.

"So, my dear sister", Neil eventually broke through another uncomfortable silence. "Have you set a wedding date yet?"

He was looking at Harvey instead of her.

Donna folded her hands in her lap, still refusing to meet anyone's eyes. "Yes", she answered stiffly. "It'll be— ", she swallowed.

Stephen gave her a smile and put his hand on her arm, squeezing it lightly. "Go on, sweetheart."

Harvey told himself to stay still and push down the wave of nauseating emotions threatening to break out of him.

"It will be on the 5th of August."

"But— that's six weeks from now", Amanda muttered in disbelief. "You just came back, how did you get a location so quickly? It's a nightmare to find a free place in New York during the summer."

"Oh, we're not getting married here", Stephen announced politely, his hand now resting on top of Donna's. "We found a beautiful spot in Austin, where we first met and we would feel honoured if her family would attend. Isn't that right, Donna?"

He kissed her cheek. "Yes", Donna said with her head down.

Harvey was really sick of constantly feeling like a part of him was dying.

She would be married in six weeks.

To that stranger next to her that kept touching her like she was his possession.

She would leave.

Again.

She wouldn't come back this time.

Jessica's hand appeared on Harvey's arm in a sudden, mitigated motion, her fingernails digging themselves into his biceps. Harvey inhaled harshly and answered her questioning eyes with a short nod. She let him go immediately, but the few seconds had been enough to calm him down and bring him back to reality.

"We'd be honoured to attend", Donna's father gave back with a small-lipped smile. "We are fortunate enough to welcome a gentleman like you into our family, after all."

His eyes grazed Harvey's for just a split second, but it was enough to make clear that this was another provocation against him. Neil raised his glass, and again, he too looked at Harvey when he exclaimed, "To Stephen and Donna, the lovely couple."

Harvey felt like he was going to throw up.

Still, he took a sip of his scotch.

The rest of the dinner was spent in polite conversations and tame jokes after some of the tension had dissolved. Adam listened to Darby's ongoing babbling about women, hunting and the proper education of children, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else judging from his painfully bored expression. Amanda's eyes were burning holes into Harvey's forehead, but he kept his head down and avoided looking back at her as much as he could. Stephen was captivated by the conversation he had with Darby's wife, and Jessica made superficial conversation with Neil, James and Owen, all but gritting through her teeth.

Donna didn't say a single word. She said next to Harvey like a statue, her head still bowed down obediently.

Harvey couldn't bear it; couldn't bear seeing this woman that had always been so radiant, so alive, sitting there like a puppet; couldn't bear having her so close physically but not feeling connected to her anymore; couldn't bear that he'd dreamt of seeing her again, _fought like hell_ to see her again for the last three years, and now barely recognising her; couldn't bear being so rattled by her unmoving exterior, her cold shell she'd build around herself, that he just wanted to yell at her and shake her until he got some genuine emotion out of her; couldn't bear that despite everything he wanted nothing more than to touch her, to give her comfort and not let her go again.

Harvey couldn't bear it.

The last time he'd seen her, he had held her hand. The time before that, he had kissed her. He didn't know how to go from expressing everything through touching her to not being allowed to touch her at all. He couldn't bear it.

Donna listened to every conversation yet no conversation at all. Sometimes she still found herself being overwhelmed by her heightened senses, and right now, with Harvey next to her, his heart beating out of his chest, was one of those times. She forced herself to steady her breathing and focused on the wine carafe on the table instead of keep staring at her fingers trembling in her lap.

She just had to get through this. After today, she could avoid Harvey and Jessica again, avoid Amanda too if necessary. She could convince Stephen to go back to Austin earlier than intended.

It's just today, she told herself. After today, she would be fine. After today, she could leave her old life behind; this time forever.

And then, all of the sudden, she felt his hand shift and slowly move towards hers, not daring to take it, yet settling on her thigh, very close to where her hand was. Too close. It was nothing more but a featherlight touch, just the corners of their hands lying next to each other, however, it was enough for her to consider giving in.

Ever since she'd come back and had to face him again, she'd felt this ache to touch him. To kiss him again. Donna had thought coming back with another man by her side would protect her from it but in reality, it only made things worse. It only made the contrast of what Harvey evoked out of her opposed to what she felt for Stephen so much clearer.

Donna closed her eyes, trembling, fighting the urge to take his hand into hers but also unable to remove it from its position. Two of his fingers slowly moved on top of hers. His warmth spread through her like a wildfire, sudden and checkless, causing her to take in a short breath and her eyes to snap back open, still not risking looking down at their hands but fixating on the wine carafe on the table again.

Stephen was right there, to her left, laughing about something Mrs. Darby had just said. If he would turn around… If he would turn his head to the side he'd see—

"Harvey", she breathed, finally stealing a glance at him from the corner of her eye. "Please stop."

His stare was unwavering, focused straight ahead as if he was sucked in by Darby's rambles about hunting foxes. But his smile betrayed him, because his smile was meant for Donna. It was hag-ridden, like he was in actual, physical pain and he couldn't make it stop.

"I don't know how", he whispered back.

And Donna knew.

She knew it wouldn't just be today she had to get through.

It would be every single day that followed as well.

.

They would leave in two days. Stephen had only agreed to go back to Austin about a month before the wedding because Donna had put it under the disguise of wanting to be more involved with the wedding planning. She feared he might see through it. She feared that the longer they stayed, the more she was testing her luck. She feared that if she stayed for one day longer, she couldn't ignore her second thoughts anymore.

If Stephen hadn't agreed, she feared she might have left without him. The urge to run away was just too strong.

She was alone for the first time in weeks, no servants, no family members, no fiancée. She'd asked them all to get out of the apartmen and let her gather her things on her own. Stephen said he had business to take care of anyway. She didn't ask what; he knew what he was doing, and she wasn't about to get involved.

Donna flinched when she heard a knock on the door. She'd been so caught up in her thoughts that she'd forgotten there was nobody there to answer the apartment door for her.

She hurried towards the entrance, trying to comb her hair back to make herself more presentable. At least she was dressed appropriately.

Donna's face fell when she opened the door and saw who was on the other side of it.

It was Harvey. His face was flushed, the tie crooked to the side and his hair a sweaty mess, like he'd been running.

"You can't go."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't want you to leave."

.

* * *

 _I always thought it was a shame  
_ _That we have to play these games  
_ _It felt like you really knew me  
Now it feels like you see through me_

* * *

 **New York, today**

.

Things were fine.

It's been a while since Harvey's last kill. When they fought off William's vampires in February, they'd been anxiously waiting for Neil's next move; but it never came. Jessica told them to see it as a good sign and enjoy the quiet time.

Harvey was itching for a fight.

Donna was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Jessica, despite what she was telling the others, was preparing for war.

Mike, Rachel and Louis were somewhere in between.

Harvey still refused to talk to Jessica about anything but business. Instead, he slowly, for the first time in over a century, began to properly confide in other people again. Mainly Mike. Subconsciously, mostly Donna. In his own way, also by annoying Rachel and picking fights with Louis.

After over a month of silence, avoiding fights and pretend peace, the tension inside the group was beginning to become insufferable. Easter came and went without any disturbances.

Things were _fine._

Harvey was ready to kill half of Brooklyn just to have something to do. He'd never been good at keeping his feet still. None of them were. For decades, Harvey and Jessica had been in a constant state of restlessness, mainly because they couldn't afford to live any other way. When they weren't fighting (and killing) every threat in their reach, they were running. Running from the person that now was nowhere to be seen.

Harvey was yearning for a talk with Jessica, yearning for guidance.

He felt anchorless without it.

"Good morning", Mike chirped, striding into his bosses' office like he owned it and dropping himself on the chair across from him.

"It was until now", Harvey moaned without any heat in his voice.

"Geez, when did your comebacks get that outdated? I know you're like _really_ old, but you could at least try to make it less obvious?."

Harvey shot him a dirty look and continued typing.

"Nothing?", Mike asked after a beat. "Wow. Not even the tiniest bit of witty banter. I don't know what to do with myself now."

Harvey groaned and pushed his chair back, heading straight to the small table and pouring himself a scotch.

"Umm, it's not even noon yet."

"And you're already getting on my last nerve", Harvey gave back, downing his drink in one go. He hummed in appreciation when he felt the alcohol burning down his throat. Maybe that'll help taking the edge off.

"Dude are you okay?" Mike sounded more concerned than mocking.

"No, I'm bored out of my mind. And that is not going to end well for anyone around me."

Mike eyed him curiously. "Is this because of Jessica?"

"No", Harvey muttered defensively. He made himself another drink, taking a small sip this time. "Yes. Maybe."

"I know this is a wild concept for you, but why don't you just talk to her?"

"Because I can't trust her right now."

The young lawyer raised his brows. "Damn, the hell did she do to you?"

"It's none of your business. All you need to know is that talking to her is not an option right now." He gritted his teeth. "God, I wish I had someone to kill."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Harvey almost did a double take. He did not expect that response. "What?!"

"What do you mean 'what'? You're not the only one with a killing urge around here."

"So, Rachel still hasn't found a way around you wanting to rip my head off each time you see me? Why am I not surprised?"

"Lay off her, she's done enough for me already!"

Harvey scoffed. "Easy, wolfy. What about Louis? Can't he do something?"

"Oh yeah, Louis has been an _immense_ help, when I asked him if he could do anything about it, he said 'why would I, just kill Harvey and get it over with, you'd be doing all of us a favour'."

"Well, at least now I know who my first target's gonna be when I do go on my next killing spree."

Mike chuckled. "He'd kick your ass."

"He would _not."_

"He so would."

"Did you come in here with the sole purpose of pushing me closer to the edge? Because if you did, it's working like a charm."

"Where do you think Neil is right now?"

Harvey's eyes widened at the sudden change of topic. "Mike…"

"He's not here, and Jessica can't find him anywhere, which means he could attack this firm at any given moment and we wouldn't see it coming."

"Thanks for revealing this shocking turn of events to me, I hadn't been thinking about it at all for the last two months", Harvey countered dryly.

"We should prepare ourselves for a fight."

"I'm always prepared for a fight you dickhead, why do you think I've been unable to keep my feet still ever since we fought off the vampires?"

"I don't know", Mike said exasperatedly, tearing at his hair. "But it doesn't look like you're doing anything. It looks like we're all standing still and wasting our valuable time."

"This is his plan, Mike. He wants to wear us down with the waiting until we're vulnerable enough for him to strike again."

"Well, his plan is working! We _are_ vulnerable. The waiting _is_ wearing us down. The six of us are _this_ close from tearing each other's throats out."

Harvey's brows furrowed. "What's really going on here?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't give me that bullshit, until yesterday you were the most balanced out of all of us."

"Don't start."

"Is there a full moon around the corner or something? Are you wolfing out?"

"Harvey I'm warning you, don't provoke me."

"Don't tell me Rachel is refusing to let you have a go at her."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Can't say I blame her, I don't wanna think about how furry you might be in certain pla—"

Mike landed a clean, hard punch straight under Harvey's jaw that made him reel back several steps.

"She's pregnant, you absolute piece of shit!", he yelled.

A heavy silence followed. Harvey held his jaw, eyes almost falling out of his head. _"What?"_

Mike swallowed. His voice was shaking when he spoke again. "She's pregnant."

Harvey closed his eyes. "How far is she?"

"Almost four months."

"How long have you known?"

"She told me yesterday."

Harvey jerked his head to the side in an acknowledging nod. "This is a problem."

Mike blinked several times. "A— a problem?"

"We should think about what to do next. Rachel should leave town immediately, go off the radar until it's born. We'll stay behind and cover her tracks to make sure she's not being followed."

Mike's eyes narrowed down on him with so much barely withheld anger that he was trembling. "What?", Harvey said defensively. "It's either that or getting rid of it, but knowing you that's never gonna happen, so— "

The second punch was even harder, and it was meant to hurt. Harvey's nose started bleeding the second it met Mike's fist. The vampire went down with a surprised cry, and before he had a chance to react or protect himself, Mike was on top of him and hit every inch of his body that was within his reach, each punch followed by a gasped-out word.

"Getting—rid—of– _it?_ Can—you—even—hear—yourself? I—am—going—to—kill—"

He was haled away by Donna before he could finish.

"What the hell is going on in here? I can't even go for a five-minute coffee break without you two tearing each other to pieces?"

"Get out of the way, Donna", Mike growled. There was a bright, unnatural glint in his eyes.

"No", she gave back, stepping closer. "You need to get yourself under control right. Now." Mike clenched his jaw. "Rachel didn't risk everything when she put that spell on you only for you to snap and kill your closest friend."

"He'd deserve it", Mike said quietly, still tense, still prepared to jump back into the fight.

"Back away, wolfy."

His lips curled up into a sarcastic smile. "Or what?"

Donna raised her brows, taking another step in his direction. "I'm going to make this really easy for you: Go through me or walk away."

"You don't even know who's at fault here!"

"And as of right now, I don't give a shit, you're not touching him."

They were standing so close to each other now that their noses were almost touching. Mike's furious stare was answered by the unwavering look in Donna's eyes. Harvey was still on the ground, fighting his instinct to get involved and beat Mike to a pulp for threatening Donna. But he knew she wouldn't appreciate it, so he stayed perfectly still, not daring to move a muscle.

When Mike took a huge breath and broke eye contact, it was clear who'd won. The glint in his eyes faded away like a blown-out candle.

"Walk away, Mike", Donna repeated calmly. The tone of her voce didn't leave room for argument. Mike's eyes found Harvey's as he backed away, now almost at the door.

"Fuck you, Harvey", he spat. The words were meant to hurt just like the punches had, and as Harvey watched his protegee walk away, he realised they did.

"What did you do?", Donna demanded to know the second Mike had disappeared around the corner. She helped Harvey up and eyed him suspiciously.

"What makes you think I did anything?"

"Cut the bullshit, Harvey."

"I may have reacted a bit… harsh to the news he had."

"Okay, meaning you were brutal." She sighed. "What kind of news?"

"Rachel's got a bun in her oven."

"Do you want to be hit over the head again?!"

"Umm, no?"

"Then rephrase what you just said, asshole."

Harvey rolled his eyes and reached for his handkerchief to wipe the blood off his face. " _Fine._ She's pregnant."

"And why would revealing that to you result in Mike beating the shit out of you?"

"Okay, he did not beat the shit out of me. I could've taken him if I wanted to."

Donna threw him a mocking glance.

"Wait a minute. You're not surprised Rachel is pregnant."

"No, I'm not."

Harvey's jaw almost dropped. "You knew?!"

"Of course I knew, and so should you have. You're a goddamn vampire Harvey, are you telling me you can't hear a second heartbeat for over a month?"

"There was no second heartbeat."

"Like hell there wasn't. You're just too ignorant and busy with yourself to notice."

"So, first Mike comes in here to piss me off and now you join him to call me a dick?"

"No, I came in here to save your ass, although apparently you don't deserve it."

"Great. Anything else?"

"Yeah, I wanna know what you said to him."

"Oh for god's sake, Donna, I told him we either have to get Rachel out of town as soon as possible, or we have to get rid of the thing she's carrying."

Donna closed her eyes. "You can't be serious."

"Why not?", Harvey shot back, extremely annoyed by everyone coming at him the second he opened his mouth. "You know I'm right. If Neil hears our ally is with child, how long do you think it'll take him to come back into town to kill both her and the baby? She won't survive here! I just—"  
He took a deep breath. "She should be safe."

Donna crooked her head to the side. "Harvey. I know you want to protect her. I know this is your spectaculary crappy way of showing that you care about Mike and Rachel, and that you're worried. But _Mike_ doesn't know that. He's going to be a father, and he's all over the place right now. He doesn't need your attacks, he needs you to be there for him."

Harvey huffed. "You know I suck in that department."

"Well, time to grow up. He needs you right now." She bobbed her head in the direction of the door. "Go after him and apologise. Buy him a beer. Tell him to name the kid Harvey if it's a boy. Or even if it's a girl, we're living in modern times after all."

His lips involuntarily curled up into a smile.

"Just… be there. It's not easy to bring a child into the world when you're at the brink of war."  
Their eyes met the second the words left her mouth. Donna thought of _them,_ of their squeals; their smiles; their screams. She saw the same range of emotions reflecting in his eyes.

"I know", he said quietly. "That's why I said what I said. I can't— _We_ can't— "

"Hey. I get it", Donna cut in gently. Her voice felt like it reached out to touch him; to soothe him, and for a small moment he gave himself the luxury of believing it was. He swallowed against the lump in his throat. "We can't be responsible for something like that again."

"We'll do better this time, okay?"

Harvey nodded.  
"And you know what you have to do next, after talking to Mike."

He sighed. "Jessica."

"Jessica", Donna said with a sympathetic shrug. "It's time to start mending the fences. We have a little someone to take care of from now on, there's no time for pettiness and ego."

Harvey knew she was right. He hated that she was always right.

.

Rachel groaned, trying to breathe in and out evenly through her mouth. She was so goddamn sick of feeling nauseous every waking minute. Her hand played with the tip of her pen as her eyes narrowed down on the piece of paper in front of her.

"Will you give me a break?", she whispered, knowing full well the life growing inside her stomach could not do anything about it. "I have work to do."

"You know, back in my day we had this amazing herbal tea that was said to cure every woman of morning sickness."

Rachel's head jerked up, taking in her best friend standing in the entrance of her office. "How did you—"

"I'm Donna." The redhead smiled. "I know."  
She settled into the free chair across the table. "And like I told Harvey, it is kinda hard for a vampire to overhear the second heartbeat every time you come into a room."

"So Harvey knew, too?"

"No", Donna chuckled. "Mike told him and he was a complete dick about it."

"Really? I am _shocked._ That is so unlike him", Rachel gave back dryly. Donna hesitated for a beat and her friend's brows furrowed in confusion. "What?"

"Just— cut him some slack if you can, okay?"

"Because…?"

"Because in his own twisted way, he's trying to keep you safe. He might say some insensitive shit, but only because he's worried out of his mind that something could happened to you or the baby."

Rachel eyed her curiously. "Care to share where that protectiveness is coming from?"

"Not really", Donna's smile was agonised now. "Let's just say we've had our fair share of bad memories surrounding this topic and we're not looking forward to adding a set of new ones to the pile."

"We?"

"We."

"Donna…"

"Look, Rachel, I'm not saying you're not allowed to tell him to shove his comments where the sun doesn't shine, I'm just asking you to try and keep in mind where he's coming from."

Rachel tried to meet her eyes, but Donna avoided her stare, focusing on the stack of papers between them. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she really didn't want to delve deeper into the topic, but Rachel knew there was more to the story. With Donna, there always was. But despite her curiosity, Rachel wouldn't pressure her into sharing it. It was none of her business.  
"Okay", she agreed, and that finally caused Donna to look at her again. "I promise."

"Good", Donna said quietly. "I have one more thing to ask of you."

"Anything."

She slid a piece of paper across the table into Rachel's hand, gently tugging it before letting go. The lawyer unfolded it and frowned. "But that's—"

"I know. Just", Donna swallowed. "Be there on time, okay?"

Rachel nodded, giving Donna a warm smile. "We will."

Donna stood up in a hasty movement and was already on her way out of the office when she came to an equally sudden halt, her fingers tapping against the doorframe in an uneven rhythm. "Congrats, Rachel", she whispered, and although Rachel couldn't see her face, she could hear that she was crying. "I'm so happy for you."

In the next moment, she was gone.

Rachel was still staring at the spot Donna had disappeared from when Mike walked past.  
"Hey. What was that all about?", he gently interrupted her thoughts, moving through the small room with a couple of steps and pressing a soft kiss on her temple.

"We talked about the pregnancy. Something's not right."

"I know", Mike murmured. Rachel's eyes moved up to meet his. "I talked to Harvey this morning, and again just now", he explained. "At first, he reacted like the biggest asshole, but then he came into my office to apologise."

Rachel raised her brows. "He apologised?"

Mike nodded. "You should've seen him. He offered to give me the day off, asked me if I wanted to grab a beer with him or if we need anything. I'm pretty sure at some point he said he'd build us a crib."

" _A crib?_ "

"Uh-huh." Mike bit the inside of his cheek. "Rach, he was trembling. He said he'd do anything to keep us safe, no matter what lengths he'd have to go through."

"That's dramatic, even for him."

"And now I come in here and see Donna practically fleeing your office with tears in her eyes. Why are they so affected by this?"

"I don't know", Rachel replied honestly, relaxing when she felt his fingertips drawing random but comforting patterns across her neck and shoulders. She leaned back and closed her eyes, head resting against his warm chest. "Something bad happened, that's for sure. And they definitely don't want to talk about it."

"We could make them."

"No." Rachel released herself from his grip to stand up and face him with stern eyes. "We are going to respect their wishes, understood?"

He sighed but agreed right away. "Fine. You're right."

"Of course I am", she grinned, crooking up a brow and leaning forward to kiss him. "Donna asked us to meet her tonight", she added when they broke apart again.

"I know." It was his turn to grin now, seeing the surprise on Rachel's face. "Harvey's meeting us there, too."

"Why?", she asked suspiciously. "What do you know that I don't?"

"Nothing", he shrugged. "Guess we'll have to wait till tonight to find out."

"Am I interrupting?"

Both lawyers flinched lightly when they heard Louis' voice.

"I'm sorry, I can see you were having a moment."

Rachel removed her hands from Mike's chest and turned towards her boss. "That's alright, Louis. What can I do for you?"

"I was just wondering if you got the work for the Evans case done."

Her face fell.

"Yeah."

Fuck.

"Yeah, I'm— I have the files right here, hang on— "

She started fumbling through the stack of papers. The document she'd been working on earlier fell off the table. "Shit, hold on."

"Rach", Mike murmured and put his hand on her arm.

"No, it's fine, I swear I finished it yesterday, I can't believe I forgot to give them to you and now I don't even know where the hell I put them and—let me go", she snapped and yanked her arm away.

"Honey take a breath."

"I don't need to _take a breath,_ I need to get the fucking— " She took a breath, only now noticing the tears running down her cheeks.

"Why are you crying?", Louis asked, utterly confused by the way this conversation was unfolding. "You don't need to—Mike why is she crying?"

"Gimme a damn minute Louis! Rachel, could you please…"

"Don't touch me, Mike, I need to find these files, someone get me these files _right now!_ " Rachel was practically screaming by now. Mike was trying to catch the folders that kept tumbling off the table due to her frantic search for a set of documents she probably forgot at home.

"It's fine, Rachel, you can give them to me later."

"NO." Rachel was in hysterics now. "I'm giving you the files _now._ "

"But… you don't have them."

"I know", she shrieked.

Louis' eyes widened comically. "O…kay?"

"Rach, can we please just tell him before you start floating stuff around again?"

"That was all your fault, you should've done the dishes properly like I've told you a million times before!"

"I forgot _one_ cup."

"My _favourite_ cup, which is now a broken piece of shit thanks to you."

"If I remember correctly, you threw it against the wall with your witchy mojo."

"It was still your fault!"

"Guys", Louis said, exhausted. "What the fuck?"

Rachel breathed in, counted to five and breathed out again, just like the doctor told her to. She knew the mood swings were natural because her hormones were all over the place. But _her_ mood swings put the people around her in danger, and that was something no doctor had the appropriate medicine for. She needed to keep it together if she didn't want to risk unleashing her full power onto her family during one of her outbursts.

Mike put his hand on her stomach and gave her an encouraging smile.

"I'm pregnant, Louis."

A stunned silence followed. The senior partner looked from Rachel to Mike to her stomach and back up several times. "Holy shit."

Another silence.

Then, "Rachel, this is amazing. How far are you? You've been _glowing_ lately, I should've known. Wait, this is amazing, right?"  
He observed her more carefully, a giggle bubbling out of his mouth when he saw her smile. "Who's the father?"

"I am", Mike shot back immediately, entirely unamused.

"Oh." Louis laughter died. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. We are", Mike hissed.

"Well, then you better start kissing her feet for the next five months and prove yourself worthy of it."

"Worthy of kissing her feet?"

"Damn straight. And Rachel, you better relax until the baby is born, why did you even come in today? You should be resting." His eyes narrowed down on Mike with hostility. "Why did you even let her leave the house today?!"

"Because she's not my prisoner?", Mike countered, somewhere between confusion and annoyance.

"And I want to keep working", Rachel interfered before her boss could keep throwing accusations in her fiancée's face. "I don't want you to treat me any differently. I'm sorry about forgetting the files. You'll have them on your desk first thing in the morning."

"But…"

"Louis, this is what I want, and I need you to accept it."

He sighed. "Fine. _Fine._ Am I still allowed to hug you?"

An honest smile broke out of her lips. "Always, Louis."

"Oh, thank god", he choked out and wrapped his arms around her.

"Alright, don't crush her", Mike said with an eyeroll.

Louis begrudgingly let her go and took her hands in his. "You don't need to worry about a thing, okay? I'll take care of everything."  
He practically ran out of the room, mumbling about babyproofing the firm, providing soothing music and buying safe car seats.

Mike huffed. "Jesus. Everyone around us is fucking insane."

"I wouldn't want it any other way", Rachel chuckled. "It makes me less nervous of the fact that I have an actual life growing somewhere inside of me right this second."

She ordered the stack of papers to fly back onto her desk in a proper order with a tired wave of her hand and sat back down. "And now, I'm really looking forward to go back to my absolutely mundane work."

"Hey", Mike said softly and knelt down beside her, moving his thumb over the back of her hand. "I know you wanted to wait until were more secure before we start a family, but…" He cut himself off and looked up at her, misty eyed and with the brightest smile on his face. "We are going to be just fine, okay?"

"Damn it", Rachel croaked, wiping a tear from her right eye.

"What?"

"You made me cry again, you son of a bitch."

Mike barked out a laugh and leaned closer to her face. "You have _got_ to stop cursing in front of our child", he mumbled against her lips.

.

"You've heard."

Harvey stopped dead in his tracks. He wasn't even halfway through the door yet and already regretting even coming here. Damn Donna for the _mending fences_ bullshit. Damn Mike for the _"I want everyone to be there"_ bullshit. Why couldn't he be lying on a beach somewhere in brazil right now?

"Heard what?", he replied coldly, pushing the door fully open and moving closer to her desk.

"About Rachel", Jessica said without looking up from her files.

"She told _you?_ "

"She didn't need to tell me, there has been a— "

"—don't say second heartbeat—"

"—second heartbeat for about a month now."

"Oh my god", Harvey groaned.

"You didn't hear it?", she asked mockingly.

"You know damn well I didn't."

"Of course I do. You would've waltzed in here the second you found out."

"Well, I'm here now."

"My point exactly." She still didn't bother taking her eyes off the files, her entire presence raying superiority in such a palpable way it made his blood boil.

"I didn't come in here to talk about Rachel."

"Yes, you did", she argued calmly. "At least partly. The other part deals with you still struggling to forgive me."

"Jessica?"

"Yes Harvey?"

"Fucking look at me."

Her hand froze around the pen she was holding. "You better watch you tone", she said, still calm, but with that certain edge in her voice. Their eyes met.

"You better start treating me with respect and not like I am your lapdog", he snapped back. His voice was pure ice.

"Respect has to be earned. And during the past couple of months you've given me no indication that you were willing to move, or even look, past your anger."

"You know what, Jessica? I came into this office to apologise for my behaviour and tell you I was ready to _move past this_ like Donna told me to. I was ready to _get over it_ and tell you to join the rest of us tonight like Mike told me to. But now that I'm here and see once again that you'll never stop treating me like I'm lesser than you, I wonder why I should even try."

Jessica raised her brows. "Am I supposed to answer that?"

Harvey let out a cold chuckle. "No. Don't bother wasting your precious time and energy on me." He clenched his jaw, trying to swallow down the burning flash of hurt he felt inside. "I've forgiven you for _everything._ I've forgiven you for turning Donna. I've forgiven you for each time you made a choice about my life without asking for my permission. I've forgiven you for all the times you belittled me. But this? How can you even sit there, expecting me to just move along with our lives like nothing happened? You didn't even apologise."

There was a shift in her eyes, an emotion close to guilt strolling over her face, but he ignored it. He was done caring about her feelings; she'd never given a shit about his feelings, either. "You watched me cling to this piece of paper for decades, holding onto it like a goddamn moron, and you still didn't tell me it wasn't worth shit; that I was holding onto something that held no meaning whatsoever; that I was holding on to _nothing._ Do you have any idea what that feels like? Finding out you betrayed me like this, that you did this to me, and then you don't even think about apologising for it?"

Jessica rose from her chair, her fingertips resting on the table for more support. The empathy was now evidently written all over her face. Harvey wished he could hurt her like she'd hurt him, but he knew from past experience that it wasn't possible.

"Harvey…"

"No, don't. I don't wanna hear it. I'm done." He swallowed down his sadness, determent to not give her the satisfaction of seeing the tears in his eyes. "I'm fucking done."

Her papers fluttered lightly in the breeze he caused when he disappeared.

Jessica was still staring at the spot he'd been before he left several minutes later.

.

The sun had already set when Donna finally realised what was wrong. Harvey had come back from Jessica's office hours ago, shutting Donna out completely, grumbling something about how he tried, and it wasn't gonna happen. Donna knew better than to try and talk him out of his stubbornness when he was in that mood, but it wasn't before he left the office to meet up with Mike and Rachel without even shooting her so much as a glance when it clicked.

She waited until he was inside the elevator before hurrying to Jessica's office, barging in without knocking. Jessica was seated on her couch, a glass of scotch in hand and seemingly deep in thought.

"You're making a mistake", Donna blurted out, her heart pounding with both anxiety and determination.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, you're making a mistake."

"I suggest you stay out of it, Donna." Jessica took a sip from her scotch, eyeing her like a scolding mother. "This is between me and Harvey."

"No. It's not. This is between all three of us. Because _you_ brought me into it by writing the letter", Donna disagreed matter-of-factly.

Jessica let out a deep sigh. "That goddamn letter."

"I'm not here to tell you what to do, or to act like I know better than you do; I don't."

"Then why are you here?"

"I'm here to say what he won't: His anger is valid. Because for once, this isn't his mistake. It's yours."

Jessica's eyes were glued to her. Donna tried not to be scared, knowing she needed to get it all out before it was too late. She owed him that much.

She owed him to at least try.

"Despite everything he's done wrong and every time he caused us problems, this is on you. And he deserves to have you acknowledge that. You're in the wrong here, Jessica", she said. The waver in her voice didn't go unnoticed by the managing partner. "By writing that letter you didn't just alter your relationship between yourself and Harvey, you altered his relationship with me as well. And it doesn't matter if you intended for that to happen or not. That night you took the risk that this might blow up in your face, and now that it has it's time to own up to it. Because you altered these relationships in a way that can never be changed back. He held that letter close by for years, remembering me through words I never wrote. And I can feel it when he looks at me."

Donna cleared her throat. No matter how many times she said it out loud, it still hurt how much that letter meant to him. How it comforted him more than she ever could.

Jessica stayed quiet, like she didn't know what to say.

" _You're_ in the wrong here", Donna repeated, pushing past her nervousness once again. "Not him. And if you don't start making it up to him, sooner or later you're gonna lose him for good. You keep telling him to fix his messes and put our family above his pride; now I'm now asking you to do the same thing. He deserves it."

The ticking clock on the wall was the only noise in the room after Donna had stopped talking. She stood in the office like a soldier, waiting for her next command. She counted the seconds.

Seven, eight, nine…

Jessica finished her glass.

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…

She put the glass down on the table and flattened her dress while standing up from the couch.

Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three…

Jessica gave Donna a small smile and nudged her shoulder.

"Are we going or what?"

Donna smiled back. "Yeah. Yeah, let's go."

.

Mike's hands were shaking. The little square box was moving against his thigh with every twitch of his leg.

"Stop pacing", Louis ordered him from the other side of the room.

"Don't tell me to stop pacing, how about you stop lighting every single candle in the entire fucking house!"

"Are you attacking me for trying to make your proposal more romantic?"

"I'm trying to keep you from burning this house to the ground."

Louis opened his mouth to throw something back at him when they were interrupted by Harvey noisily entering the house through the front door. "Hey dickheads, what'd I miss?"

His eyes drifted through the room and stopped at the sight of Mike, who was on his best way of sweating through his shirt. "Jesus, you look like you're shitting your pants."

"I'm not", Mike growled.

"He is", said Louis at the same time.

"Don't you think that's enough candles, it's like a hundred degrees in here."

"That's what I've been saying!"

" _Fine._ " Louis angrily threw the lighter on the counter. "Just don't come crying back to me when Rachel will be entirely unimpressed by your shitty circle of rose petals."

"When will she be here?", Harvey asked.

"Any moment now. I told her I was running late, so I don't think she suspects anything. What about Donna and Jessica?"

Harvey shrugged, taking off his suit jacket and moving over to the kitchen to get himself a blood bag. "Don't know about Donna, but I'm sure she'll be here on time. And Jessica's not coming."

"Oh." Mike looked like he wanted to say more; Louis unsubtlety stepped on his foot.

"Yeah", Harvey simply said. "Do you have the ring ready?"

Mike nodded and tapped against the outside of his right pocket.

"Then we're all set." Louis clapped his hands together and leaned against the table. "Unless you changed your mind and will finally tell me what the heck we're doing in his house."

Mike's eyes immediately darted over to his boss, who'd tensed up and refused to meet anyone's stares. "Nope", Mike answered after a beat. His eyes were still glued to Harvey. "It'll make more sense once Donna's here."

As if she could've heard him, the door opened, and Donna stepped over the threshold, followed by Jessica. Harvey swallowed down a scoff at the sight of them, united like that, and threw them a dirty glance. Of course they came together. Of course Donna would choose to stick to Jessica instead of him.

Mike's eyes lit up at the sight of them. "You came", he exclaimed with excitement. Donna let him kiss her cheek and threw him a wink. Jessica was looking at Harvey when she answered. "I wouldn't miss this for the world."

This time, Harvey did let out the scoff and went back to drinking his blood.

"Alright, I see there's no tension at all between any of us", Mike quipped.

"We're all here. That's as close to harmony as you'll ever get, hun." Donna and Mike exchanged warm, knowing smiles.

Harvey was already two seconds from scoffing _again._ "Harmony my ass", he muttered underneath his breath and swapped the empty blood bag for a full whiskey bottle. All eyes settled on him and he raised his brows, taking a long, provocative swig straight out of the bottle.

"Don't be an ass, Harvey", Mike said sternly.

"I'm sorry, have you met me?"

Mike sighed. "Just… Don't mess this up for me, okay? This is important to me, and I didn't ask you to be here so you could be a dick about it."

Harvey took another sip from the bottle and handed it over to his friend. "I won't. I'll behave myself, wolfy, I promise."

"Stop calling me _wolfy_ and we're good."

Harvey shot him a grin. "Not gonna happen."

"Asshole."

"Yep."

Donna put a strand of hair behind her ear and shushed them. "She just got out of a cab, you guys have ten seconds to get in place."

They all shuffled around, getting in position, with Jessica, Harvey, Donna and Louis standing around the circle of rose petals on the floor and facing the door, while Mike disappeared behind the double wing door separating the living room from the kitchen.

"The heck is he going?", Harvey hissed in Donna's direction.

"He wants her to come inside first before he'll walk into the room."

Harvey rolled his eyes. "You've gotta be shitting me."

"He's doing it for the dramatic flair, leave him be."

Jessica chuckled.

"It was my idea, actually", Louis explained proudly.

"Of course it was", Harvey said with a shake of his head.

Despite his pretend annoyance, he couldn't help but get infected by the giddy vibe that went through the room when the main door opened and Rachel appeared in the frame, her dark silhouette a sharp contrast to the dim, warm candlelight coming from the living room.

"Donna?"

A pause.

Then, with more uncertainty, "Mike?"

Rachel took a few cautious steps into the house, but her posture changed when she saw the four people waiting for her in the decorated living room. The tension ebbed away and made room for confusion.

"What's going on here, guys? What is this?"

Harvey raised his brows. "What does it look like?"

"It looks like you assaulted both a rose garden _and_ a candle store", Rachel countered dryly. Donna snickered.

"That's my girl", Mike's voice cut in from outside the room. He came around the corner, looking at Rachel like she was the only person in the entire universe. Like she was the only one that mattered. "Ever the romantic."

"Mike", Rachel said softly. "Why are you—you already did it months ago. I already said yes."

"I know", he smiled, closing the distance between them by meeting her halfway, stepping into the circle of roses and reaching out his hand. It didn't take her more than a second to intertwine their fingers and join him where he stood. They were so in love it was almost gross, Donna thought.

"But it was in the heat of the moment, without any preparation." He chuckled. "I didn't even get you a ring. So let me try it again. Properly this time."

Rachel's gaze drifted to Louis, Jessica, Donna and Harvey, standing behind Mike, looking somewhere between embarrassed and touched. Louis was already in tears before Mike had gotten down on his knee.

"This is incredibly cheesy", Rachel said before she could help herself.

"Rach", Mike whined. "Can you save the sarcasm until after I'm done please?"

She bit her lip, an amused spark in her eyes. "Okay."

Donna observed her best friend throughout the entirety of Mike's proposal. Watched her tear up when he explained how deeply he loved her, heard her bubbly laughter when he talked about their crazy life and how nobody except the four other people in this room would ever believe them.

Donna drank in even the smallest bits of Rachel's reaction, her heart thumping with happiness, completely sucking into the situation. That was until she felt Harvey's eyes on her and made the mistake of looking at him. Mike's next words cut through her while her eyes were trapped in the stare of the man next to her.

"We went through some heavy shit together. When we met, I was in a dark place. Darker than I'd realised. I'd basically given up on ever finding happiness, on ever finding a life worth fighting for. But you didn't care, you saw past that, past what I've done, and you saved me. You saved me back then and you've kept saving me every single day since." Mike swallowed before he continued, voice hoarse with emotion. "I can't imagine where I would be today without you, and I don't want to. I want you right where you are, by my side, no matter what will stand in our way. We'll be fine as longs as we're going through it together. It's you and me, no matter what."

Donna felt like she was frozen in time. Not moving, not even blinking.

 _It's you and me._

Harvey seemed absolutely shell-shocked.

 _No matter what._

There was so much going through Donna's head right now, her own engagement and how detached it had felt compared to the way Rachel and Mike obviously felt; Stephen's reaction when he had met Harvey for the first time; and his face. Harvey's face. The way he had looked at her then. It was so different from the way he was looking at her now, like he was seeing her, really seeing her, for the first time in a long time.

Mike's voice cut in between their silence while they still couldn't take their eyes off each other, almost hypnotised by it and themselves. "And I wanted to make sure you've heard it from me at least once, right here, surrounded by our family." Rachel's eyes lit up at the last word and she nudged Mike's hand, a smile breaking out of her lips.

"Because we both know I'll be insufferable and ill-tempered and a complete idiot most of the time, but that doesn't mean that I love or appreciate you any less. You're the driving force behind this relationship just as much as you're the driving force behind me. And now, before my knees give out on me completely because this floor is uncomfortable as fuck, I want to ask you, Rachel Elizabeth Zane, if you'd do me the absolute honour and marry me?"

Hearing Mike say Rachel's full name snapped Donna out of her trance and she broke the eye contact with Harvey just in time to see her best friend grab her fiancée to pull him up and into a kiss.

"Yes", she laughed when they broke apart for a second. "Yes I'll marry you, Mike."

The four others broke into cheers, and in Louis' case cat whistles, when the couple in front of them kissed again.

"Alright, alright, enough with the tongue action, there are other people present", Harvey teased after Mike and Rachel had been making out for a solid minute. Rachel bit her lip and watched Mike slip the ring on her finger, then turned around with glowing eyes and flushed cheeks. She pulled Harvey in a hug that startled everyone, most of all Harvey himself.

"Shut up, Harvey", Rachel said nonchalantly when she let him go and turned to Donna, hugging her as well.

"I'm so proud of you", Donna whispered into her ear, overcome with emotion.

"Thank you, Donna."

"Oh, don't thank me yet, I still have something up my sleeve."

The witch drew back and eyed her suspiciously. "What?"

Donna smirked at her. "Are you sure you wanna know?"

"Stop teasing", Rachel scolded her, fist bumping lightly against Donna's shoulder.

"Fine, you know this is my cousin's former house, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you know that technically, you own it already, right?"

"Yes, that's hard to forget."

"I want you to have it. Really have it."

Rachel's face fell in surprise. "Donna… no, this is your family's home."

Donna firmly shook her head. "I don't want it. I have no use for it, but you do. You and Mike, you can start your family here."

"But— "

"Just consider this an early wedding present." Donna had tried to keep her voice as low as possible, but looking past Rachel over her left shoulder, she saw Mike and Harvey listening to their conversation, Mike's hand still on Harvey's shoulder post-embrace.

"You're giving us this house as a present?", Mike asked astounded.

Something hard went over Harvey's face, so fast that no one except Donna could see it.

"I am", she said, giving Mike a warm smile. "It's already Rachel's on paper, anyway, so why shouldn't you two move in and fill this place with some much needed light? It's been dead too long."

Rachel still seemed uncomfortable accepting such a monumental gift. "I don't know what to say."

"I do", Mike exclaimed, coming up behind her to sneak his arms around her, his head resting on her shoulder. "We'll take it."

Donna grinned, holding up the keys and urging Rachel to open up her palm. The women's eyes met. "Take it. It's meant to be yours."

Rachel's brows furrowed, but she allowed Donna to drop the keychain into her stretched out hand. Her fingers clenched around the cold metal as she whispered a, "Thank you", in Donna's direction. Mike whirled her around and picked her up in the next second.

"We have a house", he called out in excitement, drowning her giggling protest to let her back down. "This is _our_ freaking house now, babe!"

"This present is going to be impossible to top", Louis said, coming up next to Donna and wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Just get Mike a nice dog basket to sleep in and he'll be 100% content", Donna gave back.

Louis glanced at her from the corner of his eye. When she met his eyes, she couldn't help the laughter escaping her lips. Louis immediately joined in.

.

"Do you have a minute?"

Harvey didn't take his eyes off Mike and Rachel, swirling around in their godforsaken circle of rose petals, surrounded by candle light like they came straight out of the cheesiest fucking rom-com he'd ever seen. Their happiness was disgustingly endearing.

"I'm immortal", he answered Jessica's question. "I have more time than I'd like."

Jessica shook her head in amusement. "Fine, let me rephrase: Do you have a minute to listen to what I have to say?"

"What do you want, Jessica?" He still refused to look at her, but he was so tired. Tired of this fight. Tired of feeling betrayed. Jessica fell silent for a moment, pushing a glass of champagne into his hand. He accepted it begrudgingly and brought it to his lips.

"I'm sorry."

Harvey choked on his champagne. "You're _what?_ "

"There's champagne coming out of your nose", Jessica commented dryly. Harvey wiped his face, still coughing. "Jessica— "

"I'm sorry", she repeated. "I shouldn't have written the letter. I shouldn't have kept it from you for all these years. It was my fault, and I shouldn't have been so defensive about it."

Harvey was looking at her now, with a mixture of suspicion and confusion.

"I know I can be hard on you, lecture you about your mistakes, or urging you to get over yourself and do better. I've always felt like that's my job; my responsibility."

"I'm a grown ass man, Jessica", he snapped.

To his surprise, there was no heat in her answer. "I know. I _know_ that. And I never meant to belittle you, so I apologise if you ever thought I did. Back when Donna was gone and I needed to keep you save, no lengths I had to go through seemed unjustified if it meant that we'd survive. But looking back now, I've realised that it was selfish, and it was unforgivable to do this to both you and Donna. And for that, I am sorry."

Harvey was too stunned to say anything. In all these years, all these centuries they'd spent together, she had never apologised to him for any of her mistakes. Never.

"I have never asked you for anything, Harvey", Jessica said. She wasn't looking at him anymore, eyes fixed on Donna and Louis laughing at the other side of the room. "And if I'd be a more decent person I wouldn't ask you for this, either. But seeing this", she gesticulated towards Mike and Rachel, still radiating nothing but pure bliss, now joining Louis and Donna to ask what they were laughing at, "and not only observing it, but being part of it; it changes things. Being a family makes us vulnerable, there's no way around it, but it also gives us something to fight for except each other."

"You're usually not so fast to throw the word family around. We've known these three for less than six months."

"I'm not throwing it around. I'm well aware that we've met and lost countless people over the decades, and we did spend a longer time with a lot of them without considering them family. But this is different."

He knew she was right, he was merely surprised she felt the same way about it that he did. "Different how?"

Jessica teared his eyes away from the group to meet Harvey's stare again. A small smile crept up on her lips. "It feels like it did back then, when we met Donna. And if I learned one thing since then, it's that you don't let that feeling go when you can help it."

Harvey flinched. He didn't want that set of memories in his conscious right now. "What— umm, what did you want to ask of me?"

"I'm asking for your forgiveness. I want us to be _us_ again because…" Her voice trailed off while she set down her glass on the table next to her. "Because I don't know who we are without each other. And I don't want to find out. Not having your trust distracts me, and it upsets me even more. So even if I don't deserve your forgiveness, I'm asking for it anyway, because I need it."

Forgiveness. He hated that word. It was too loaded for three simple syllables.

"I need to get some air", he said.

"Harvey…"

"Don't." He shook his head and met her eyes with as much clarity as he could. "I can't just flip a switch and it's all forgiven and forgotten. I need time. And you need to give me that time."

He placed one of his hands on her upper arm and squeezed it lightly. "We'll be okay. We always are."  
He could see that it wasn't the answer she was looking for, but she relented after a few tense seconds. "Alright. But we'll be okay?"

He nodded. "We'll be okay." He emptied his glass. "I'll be outside if you need me."

Harvey felt Donnas eyes following his movements when he walked away, quickly slipping through the backdoor.

.

Donna fought with herself for five minutes before she gave into the urge of following him outside. She just wanted to make sure he was okay after his talk with Jessica. At least that's what she told herself when she pushed open the backdoor and stepped onto the terrace. Nothing really resembled what it'd looked like over a century ago, but the view was still the same.

On her right, warm, orange light poured out of the window and flooded onto the wooden ground, providing the only source of light on the otherwise pitch-black porch.  
To her left, there was a small glimmer in the darkness. Harvey was sitting on a porch swing, his feet lightly pushing against the wood in a steady rhythm, slowly rocking it back and forth. "I was wondering how long it would take you to check up on me."

She heard the lightness in his voice, but knew it was fake. "And apparently I was right to do so. You're smoking?"

His lips twitched when he offered the package to her. "Desperate times."

"Desperate measures", she completed his thoughts before placing the cigarette between her lips. He got up and closed the distance between them.

"Exactly." A flash of orange, brighter than the light coming from inside the house, coloured his face in when he flicked the lighter to ignite her cigarette. For a split second, she could see every detail of his face, his hard features softened by the smirk playing around his lips. She took a drag from her cigarette and inhaled deeply, trying not to think of fireworks.

She sat down on the porch swing; he hesitated for just a moment too long before he joined her, careful to leave just enough room between them so that they wouldn't touch.

"So, they'll get the house", he said after a while, putting out his cigarette and lighting himself another one right away.

"Yeah. I wouldn't know what to do with it, anyway."

"You could move in."

She laughed. "Right. Me and whose army?"

He exhaled pensively, observing the smoke disappearing in the darkness. "I'm sure you'd find someone."

Donna didn't know how to answer that, so she didn't. "The point is, I couldn't think of a better usage for this house if I tried. It feels natural to give it to her. Plus, they have a baby on the way, they could use the room appropriately."

"Can't argue with that", he agreed. "But still, it feels weird to be back here. It's so different, yet the feeling is the same."

"And there you have the answer to why I'd never live here."

The look he gave her was fleeting, almost shy but understanding all the same. "It'll work out this time."

"How can you be sure?"

"I'm not", he said with a small smile. "But I know these two can handle themselves. They may be grossly in love, but they're not stupid."

"Can you believe they're engaged?", she chuckled.

"Not really. Then again, I couldn't believe it when you got engaged, either."

There was that fake lightness again. Donna hated it. "That wasn't the same", she said harshly.

"Why not?"

"When I was engaged…", she licked her lips and took a drag of her cigarette. His gaze was making her uncomfortable. "Nothing about it felt like this. Like the way they look at each other. I knew it wasn't right, even back then, but I never wanted to fully admit it to myself until today."

"Well, I hate to admit it, but what wolfy and witchy in there have, it's special. Even two people as old as we are don't come by it so often." Their eyes locked. "Hell, some people never do."

"I came by it once."

Something in his eyes changed, pushing her to say the next thing she thought of instead of holding it back. "I think… I felt it once, too."

The sudden tension was agonisingly consuming. Harvey's cigarette hung forgotten between his index and middle finger as he looked at her, his stare unwavering and too intense for her to ignore. Donna was desperate to change the mood, desperate to talk about anything other than what she had just impulsively admitted out loud, desperate to keep herself from leaning forward and doing something monumentally stupid.

She took another deep pull on her cigarette instead, cringing when she exhaled. "Those are _lights",_ she grumbled, eyes narrowing down on the cigarette package laying in between them.

He scoffed. "Yeah well, next time you can get your own damn cigarettes if mine aren't good enough for you", he shot back, more teasing than serious.

She rose from her seat and put the butt out in the ashtray next to the door. "I'm going back inside. Are you coming?"

He gestured to his still lit cigarette end. "I'll be there in a minute."

Donna gave him a small smile and shut the door behind her. Harvey leaned back, head bumping against the cold wall, and allowed himself to relax. He heard her joining the others in the living room, joking about Harvey having to take a minute because he'd been too overwhelmed with emotions.

"Fuck off", he muttered under his breath, knowing she was eavesdropping for his reaction. Laughter erupted through the room and Donna quickly joined in.

Harvey took a final, long drag of his cigarette and closed his eyes, slowly letting the smoke escape his parted mouth while he listened to the sound of her laugh and forced himself to take this moment and stay in it.

 _Things were fine._

Maybe for once, he could just let them be.

.

* * *

 _ **I can barely keep my eyes open right now since it's past 4am, so forgive me if I've missed any typos/spelling errors etc.**_

 _ **So, Donna got engaged, Rachel is pregnant, we've seen Harvey and Neil come face to face for the first time in this fic, I've finally brought Louis back into the mix and machel are the cheesiest couple to ever walk the earth. I think we can blame it on me missing them, because I have no other excuse. let's just call this chapter the trope chapter ok? ok.**_

 _ **Next chapter is the one I've been writing towards since I started this fic. It's the whole reason I started this fic. No pressure or anything, right?**_

 _ **Until then, I'm gonna go to sleep now. thank god this is finally up. thank you for being so patient with me. please let me know your thoughts x**_


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